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Post by Frustrated1978 on Dec 20, 2017 22:36:54 GMT -5
Your wife works and the children love you. I would be running to a Divorce Lawyer ASAP. This Divorce could work out very well for your. She might have to pay you spousal support!
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Dec 20, 2017 20:54:13 GMT -5
Your deal is no different than many others here. Indeed you could have been describing my life story. Baz is right regarding on the probable reasons your wife wants to keep you around. Sex is not one of them.
Read up here. The options available to you will become very clear.
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Dec 20, 2017 20:42:22 GMT -5
There is no doubt that when one is in a sexless relationship the Refused spouse's self esteem suffers greatly. As a result this has all sorts of knock on events that negatively affect the life of the refused.
I can imagine it must therefore be 10X as hard if the Refused is a women. Society views men as the pursuer and women as the pretty and pursued. When a woman is being rejected it must sting very hard. She would be feeling all sorts of negative soul destroying emotions, why doesn't he want me, am i really that ughly etc etc.
Life is too short to allow yourself to be in such a negative relationship.
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Dec 20, 2017 20:19:26 GMT -5
The festive holiday period is always a bit harder when living in a sexless marriage. You are surrounded by family and friends, who all get slightly drunk and are in a jovial mood, knowing full well there will likely be drunken sex for them whilst you are stuck pretending to be happy and that all is well.
Personally as time wore on i found it increasingly harder to buy my refuser any nice gifts due the the resentment built up. Before buying her nice gifts used to be so easy for me.
I hear you sister Caris. You make a valid point.
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Dec 20, 2017 19:52:33 GMT -5
Your choices are very clear stay and accept the situation for what it is or make plans to leave. Both choices might seem pretty shitty now but long term one gives you the chance of happiness.
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Nov 20, 2017 23:43:50 GMT -5
Trust is the big one for me. How can you trust a spouse that wont sleep with you.
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Nov 16, 2017 21:42:53 GMT -5
Tirefire i can completely relate. A sexless marriage sucks and kills your confidence. Keep up with the lawyer and exit plan.
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Nov 16, 2017 21:38:22 GMT -5
Welcome to the group nobody ever thought they would be part of. I certainly understand your need for a relationship, release, companion. Nobody is going to judge you on seeking company outside of your marriage. However i would strongly advise that you visit a Divorce Lawyer and gain some advice on how a divorce will shake out for you. From there you might be able to start an exit plan. You see your husband might one day find out about your friendship with another man and blow a head gasket like you have never seen before. At least you would have been prepared.
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Nov 13, 2017 22:22:06 GMT -5
Nice to see you doing well sister westsider. I remember you well from the old EP. I am truly happy to hear of your great news. Take Care.
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Nov 13, 2017 21:42:29 GMT -5
Your choices are rather clear cut. Your wife has very firmly told you no sex ever. She has been true to keeping her word for 2 years now. She has however thrown you the small mercy of regular blow jobs. However you obviously are not satisfied with the current scenaro, and i dont blame you.
1) You can either stay accept that there will be no sex in your marriage and accept the blow jobs on offer or 2) You can start planning your exit strategy, visit a lawyer find out some facts and when you are ready pull the plug on this relationship.
There's no right or wrong answer here. The right choice is what makes you happy.
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Nov 13, 2017 21:10:52 GMT -5
No surprises here. It has long been thought that a lack of sex does contribute to health issues.
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Nov 9, 2017 21:09:54 GMT -5
It is quite common for you to feel the way you do Jenm. The many years of neglect bestowed upon you from your refuser has probably turned you off him for good. His apparant turnaround is probably for selfish reasons. You have indicated that you are thinking about Divorce. This would blow up his cosy little world as he knows it where he has a wife, a cook, maid, house, social status, and all the other little comforts marriage provides him with.
I'm guessing at some point maybe not now you will likely choose to end your marriage to him, but at a time of your choosing.
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Nov 7, 2017 22:38:17 GMT -5
A sexless marriage will affect all aspects of your life. Self esteem, confidence, desire to do things, ambitions etc. As brother Baza rightly pointed out at some point you will need to re - assess your thinking.
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Nov 7, 2017 22:34:18 GMT -5
Yasou can i presume you are of greek background? That said i am a firm believer that when sex goes stone cold dead in the marriage barring some medically diagnosed issue that the possibillity the refuser is engaging in an affair should always be looked into. Does your wife keep a pin code on her phone. Is it glued to her hip? Does she have any unexplained abscences or frequent outings with supposed friends?
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Nov 7, 2017 0:19:19 GMT -5
I am a firm believer that in most cases barring a medically diagnosed condition a lot of times an avoidant or low drive spouse is mainly that way to their partner only. Indeed it has suprised many even on this original site that a Refuser did in fact have a healthy labido just not for them.
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