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Post by yasou143 on Nov 7, 2017 16:32:07 GMT -5
New to this forum. I can’t take it anymore. I want my wife all the time. I’m not a nympho maniac or some crazy sex addict. I just want to have a normal sex life above average. I am an active athletic 40-year-old male and don’t understand what is happening. I have to researched medical reasons and can’t seem to figure out what is happening. It’s been four months for me. My wife actually turns her head when I try to even kiss her. I am just sad and broken. Want to hear a female prospective.
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Post by M2G on Nov 7, 2017 17:10:09 GMT -5
I'm sure you will find some very intelligent women in this forum that will be glad to offer opinions.
Welcome to the ILIASM forum - and very sorry that you're here.
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Post by bballgirl on Nov 7, 2017 17:21:30 GMT -5
Welcome and I'm sorry you have found yourself here. The fact that she turns her head when you go to kiss her is very telling. She is clearly detached from you emotionally and physically. It's time to call her out for her actions, suggest counseling to her, lay your cards on the table that she is your wife and you expect her to act like a wife or else that title can be taken away.
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Post by baza on Nov 7, 2017 17:43:22 GMT -5
Is sex the only contentious issue in your deal Brother yasou143 ?
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Post by obobfla on Nov 7, 2017 17:47:00 GMT -5
Sorry, male perspective here, but I don’t think it matters whether we are male or female. Unless have a really bad case of halitosis or horrible timing (my wife tried to kiss me on the lips while I was chewing food), she is definitely not interested. Even worse, she won’t give you a reason. I agree with bballgirl that she needs to be called out.
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Post by northstarmom on Nov 7, 2017 18:10:01 GMT -5
Your wife is repulsed by the idea of having sex with you. You can ask why and, if she gives you an answer that has a solution, jointly work on improving the marriage. That could mean going to marital counseling, for instance.
If she refuses to talk about the problem or to take action to address it, she has the marriage she wants and will not change. If you want sex with a partner who enjoys sex with you, you will have to find a different partner. It’s not possible to explain, manipulate, seduce or shame a person not sexually attracted to you into having mutually pleasurable sex with you. At best, you will get resentful starfish sex.
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tori
Junior Member
Posts: 89
Age Range: 41-45
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Post by tori on Nov 7, 2017 18:21:21 GMT -5
I agree with bballgirl your wife is detached from you. Have you tabled a conversation as to why she avoids you physically? Has something happened 4 mos ago (argument, stressful event etc)? I’d plain out ask her. The longer you’re silent and the more time that passes, things may progress in getting worse.
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Post by DryCreek on Nov 7, 2017 20:56:28 GMT -5
The longer you’re silent and the more time that passes, things may progress in getting worse. This x1000. Time is your enemy, in many respects. First, the longer you let this go, the more firmly entrenched the "new normal" becomes, where your spouse sees you less sexually, and even romantically. You need to nip it in the bud. Call her out for her bad behavior and make it clear that you're not going to accept it. Second, life is far too short. If you can't fix it, get out as soon as you can and restart. Your odds are better and you'll have more years to share with someone who *does* appreciate and desire you.
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Post by yasou143 on Nov 7, 2017 21:07:38 GMT -5
I have expressed my feelings to my wife. It’s really the only thing we argue about. I am not perfect. I will say just miss really deep intimacy.
I miss that feeling of kissing a girl that makes me feel like she really wants to be kissed. Just sad about life at the moment.
Thanks to you all that offered honest advise.
Be well
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Post by yasou143 on Nov 7, 2017 21:10:42 GMT -5
Your wife is repulsed by the idea of having sex with you. You can ask why and, if she gives you an answer that has a solution, jointly work on improving the marriage. That could mean going to marital counseling, for instance. If she refuses to talk about the problem or to take action to address it, she has the marriage she wants and will not change. If you want sex with a partner who enjoys sex with you, you will have to find a different partner. It’s not possible to explain, manipulate, seduce or shame a person not sexually attracted to you into having mutually pleasurable sex with you. At best, you will get resentful starfish sex. Well said and thanks
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Nov 7, 2017 22:34:18 GMT -5
Yasou can i presume you are of greek background? That said i am a firm believer that when sex goes stone cold dead in the marriage barring some medically diagnosed issue that the possibillity the refuser is engaging in an affair should always be looked into. Does your wife keep a pin code on her phone. Is it glued to her hip? Does she have any unexplained abscences or frequent outings with supposed friends?
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Post by baza on Nov 7, 2017 23:07:12 GMT -5
I figure from this bit of your post - "I have researched medical reasons" that you are why chasing (trying to figure out why she doesn't want to engage you sexually). There could be hundreds, if not thousands, of whys you could speculate about Brother yasou143 . And the most telling fact is that it is *you* who is doing the research, not *her*. From your perspective, there's a problem. From her perspective, there isn't a problem (apart from you pestering her for sex) otherwise *she* would be enthusiastically doing the research. Take a look at it from her angle. If this matter is no big deal to her, why would she want to devote a lot of time and effort into addressing a non-problem ? Would you ?
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Post by GeekGoddess on Nov 7, 2017 23:29:14 GMT -5
Ask her. No matter what reason is provided, I’d engage a counselor for yourself. If she gives a legit-sounding reason, then also a marriage counselor for you two to visit jointly. If she is unwilling to cover this material by talking about it, nothing you do will change it & it cannot be undone. Time is definitely an enemy while still in the SM. Don’t let 4 months become 5 months or faster than you think it will become 4, & 5, decades. Welcome to the club no one wanted to need. I’m glad you found our little community though. It is much more common than I ever would have dreamed. May you find support here.
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Post by M2G on Nov 9, 2017 12:20:08 GMT -5
I have expressed my feelings to my wife. It’s really the only thing we argue about. And this is it, for me, in a nutshell: there will be no "argument" because the "right" and "wrong" will be diametrically opposed for each person. One wants sex, the other may never want sex: with you, and very possibly anyone else for that matter. As is (correctly) stated by many in this forum, you can't win an argument for sex. You may badger the refuser into sex - but do you really want sex with someone who is not fully engaged? Not for me - the little guy will invariably fail in the duty - then you just look like a pitiful dork.
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Post by elkclan2 on Nov 9, 2017 12:35:22 GMT -5
just want to say - and I've said this before. EVERYONE should have a pin code on their phone. The question is - do you know it? And yes, does she never let it out of her sight.
What you've not said is how long this has been going on. Is this a relatively new thing. Or is the current dry spell just a longer one in an ever increasing pattern of dry spells.
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