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Post by Frustrated1978 on Jan 29, 2019 19:21:55 GMT -5
It would appear that you are being gas lighted. You need to sit her down and have an honest truthful conversation. There is no nice way to have this conversation. She either realises and accepts realities or you will have to act. If this situation is a deal breaker for you she needs to know it. However as Bazz said don't make threats you are not prepared to carry out.
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Jan 28, 2019 20:20:54 GMT -5
Been through most of these responses myself.
No 1 If i believed legit i would show sympathy and accept the situation. (For what its worth i now believe that a lot of what i thought was legit is bullshit. No 2 When Bullshit was thrown my way would call her out on it start a fight and throw a childish tantrum. (Would matter something along the lines of Go Fuck Yourself im not doing xyz)
Now None of the above happens as i dont initiate and have accepted the situation and know the deal. I find solace in other areas of my life.
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Jan 28, 2019 20:10:51 GMT -5
Completely Baked kudos for knowing what you want. It is never an easy call to make and when the time comes to leave you will still feel horrible for many reasons. However you have given yourself a chance at future happiness. You only live once and your words spell a man who realises this. I wish you nothing but the best of luck.
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Jan 24, 2019 20:16:21 GMT -5
I learned many many years ago that no amount of chores or housework you undertake will improve a Refusers Sexual Desire for you. It is the greatest myth since big foot. '
If anything taking a harder line and perhaps refusing to assist with the housework will at the very least bring this matter back to the negotiating table. There she will either sit down and decide she will blow up the relationship or she might actually reevaluate the deal and decide it is not in her interest to leave her meal ticket, babysitter, house helper etc therefore possibly negotiating more sex in your marriage.
Word of warning though previous experience on these boards indicates any change negotiated is usually short lived.
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Jan 23, 2019 20:47:29 GMT -5
Its great to hear you have an exit plan. A year is a very realistic time frame. You can use that time to see a Lawyer, discreetly seperate finances and taking action that will enable your exit as minimally as possible when the difficult time comes.
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Jan 23, 2019 20:43:25 GMT -5
Happy birthday! Hope you get pleasantly surprised! Just to help out on the "winning" metaphor- you have me beat in "recent sexual interludes" and in the category of "maybe tonight" in which I have long since dropped from the running. So at least your horse is not coming in dead last, right?? Cold comfort, I know. Thank you for the kind words. To my pleasant surprise my Horse Bolted Home. I didn't even have to initiate.
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Jan 22, 2019 18:46:31 GMT -5
Of course your wife wants to continue the marriage. Everything is great for her. She has a husband in name, a provider, protector, cook, cleaner etc. She dose not realise that she in returning is offering you up nothing and you are no longer to accept this arrangement.
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Jan 22, 2019 18:03:48 GMT -5
Congratulations on finding the courage to make a very tough decision. Whilst it is good that your husband has taken the news rather well for now i suggest you be prepared for the hostility that might kick in at a later point.
At the moment your husband is in stage 1 of Grief. Total shock. As he has time to process his feelings it will eventually turn to anger and resentment. Add to this the theory that he might snuff out that you are dating or might have a love interest and his reaction might be volcanic.
Seeing a lawyer to find out your rights and how a Divorce will shake out for you is not a bad thing. You don't have to engage his/her services but at the very least you will have an idea on how a Divorce will impact on your current situation. Better to be prepared than to just assume everything will be alright and husband will remain a willing and cooperative figure in this seperation.
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Jan 22, 2019 17:52:13 GMT -5
Well today is my Birthday.
I woke up to some nice presents from my Refuser and the kids gave me some really good stuff i needed. I was also given a really good card with some nice words. Something along the lines of how great i am her best friend she's lucky she has a nice house, two nice cars and thanks for everything you do for me etc etc.
Got me thinking that really is all i am to you a bestie, that provides a nice life for you that you occasionally have sex with.
Then i got to thinking about privately running a book in my head on what are the odds on getting birthday sex.
I must admit on current form 7 weeks without a win there is no indication this horse is suddenly going to bolt home for a winner tonight. Then of course there is that long shot that tonight might come good. I give that 40/1
As for me i am already gearing myself up to accept the dinner she most likely has planned, enjoy the evening without the expectation of sex and continue on with life as normal tomorrow.
And if by some chance my horse comes bolting through the winners post tonight ill be sure to let you all know.
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Jan 22, 2019 17:36:44 GMT -5
After 30 years of this shit it is highly unlikely that you will ever be able to fix it.
You have two options. Plan your escape and leave or accept this is your lot in life and enjoy everything else around you bar the sex.
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Jan 18, 2019 0:48:53 GMT -5
Here's another sample of 10 with a common joining date of 30th March 2016. I have a particular interest in this sample because I am in it !! together with 9 others. baza - last post August 2018 - left (left before I ever joined this group) counted as "left" Frustrated1978 - last post Feb 2018 - staying (went real close to leaving at one point) missinhard - last post August 2018 - left graessparrow - last post April 2016 - basically inactive sminpa - last post June 2018 - staying @lostsoul - last post August 2018 - staying rain - last post March 2016 - basically inactive pinkjeanie70 - last post Sep 2016 - basically inactive @creelunion - last post August 2018 - left plainoldme724 - last post April 2016 - basically inactive 4 - basically went inactive 3 - staying 3 - left And yet again, no examples of turnaround situations. I promise I will cease doing these samples for a while, they are probably starting to give you the shits. Must admit though, I find them fascinating in a morbid sort of way. As of January 18 2019 Frustrated is still in his marriage.
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Jan 18, 2019 0:34:04 GMT -5
Today its lose 2kg and i will shag you, when the 2kg are lost it will be i was going to shag you but you left the toilet seat up, or you failed to mow the lawn or you looked at me funny during dinner. With Refusers on here and the old EP Board the goal posts of excuses keep being moved. I myself have personally experienced similiar issues.
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Jan 17, 2019 22:28:01 GMT -5
Make no mistake the Refuser remembers everything like clockwork. They might try and claim otherwise cause its suits their needs.
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Jan 17, 2019 22:15:04 GMT -5
5 weeks ago
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Jan 17, 2019 22:07:56 GMT -5
This question was answered many years ago. I make a concious decision to stay knowing the deal. I have young children that are high profile Sport Athletes among other complicated issues. I am fully aware of my situation.
What i am trying to express is it is okay to stay or choose whatever cause of action you want as long as you are honest to yourself and fully aware of the realities of your situation. I am fully aware of mine.
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