You've reached the "ILIASM Forum".

This is an active support community for men and women dealing with the causes and effects of living in a sexless marriage. Sexless marriages may be entirely devoid of intimacy, but the term is used clinically to include couples who engage in sex fewer than 10 times per year. The causes are many, but the effects are generally detrimental, and in some cases devastating.

What is "ILIASM"? It stands for "I Live In A Sexless Marriage".

If that applies to you, then you probably need this site.

Where can you turn for support and understanding with your sexless marriage? Counseling (both individual and marital therapy) can have some benefit, but is not a cure-all. (This is actually often discussed on the forum.) Your family and friends may not be able to understand the depth of your suffering, or you may be reluctant to share intimate details... especially if you feel no one will believe you or show due sympathy. There are books and advice websites galore which propose other ways to fix your situation.

We offer not a fix but support: first of all, the support in knowing that a normal healthy sex life is a reasonable expectation in a marriage. Second, we offer the wisdom of how to deal with the burdens you may be carrying, as we've been there, too. We'll share stories, resources, and lend an ear, a hand, or a shoulder. Third, we offer you insights and options. But only you can decide what is best for you.

This is a moderated forum: the community has posted Guidelines outlining what is allowed on the site and expectations of a supportive decorum. Volunteer moderators encourage all to provide earnest and well-meaning support. However, there is no "party line" here. There are many voices, many opinions, and many options. It is up to you to share enough of your experiences so that you can receive the input you need.

Feel free to start browsing the message boards in the forum to consider if you'd like to participate. (Non-members can read the posts, but not interact.) Membership is free, but you must be 18 years or older to register. Registered members may participate in discussions by asking questions, posting supportive answers, or commenting on other posts.

To browse now, continue to the main Forum page.


This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
petrushka: ye gods, it's so hot here the weather station has up and died, so I can't even tell just HOW hot it is. just on midnight, I'm sitting here in just a shirt, sopping wet. Feb 14, 2017 5:53:04 GMT -5
tamara68: , you sound very hot lol :) Feb 14, 2017 7:15:29 GMT -5
richfairy72: EO, if it makes you feel any better my H apparently has low vitamin d. That's his latest excuse. Funny how that's my problem, but it has had no effect on my libido.... Feb 14, 2017 12:16:56 GMT -5
DryCreek: , there's a joke in there about lack of D affecting your libido... ;-) And as a guy who's had low vitamin D, I'll echo that it doesn't affect my drive. Your H needs to find a different scapegoat. Feb 14, 2017 12:40:55 GMT -5
solodriver: Happy Valentines Day to you EO and everyone, No shagging happening here today either, or a card, gift, hug, kiss or even an acknowledgement of the day...except here! Hugs everyone! Feb 14, 2017 15:04:24 GMT -5
ggold: Boo to Valentine's Day. :-( But I'll send you all my love and support! How's that? Feb 14, 2017 15:15:04 GMT -5
lakeside4003: love y'all - HVDay! Feb 14, 2017 16:09:00 GMT -5
nancyb: My STBX is gone for a week that's my vday present. No acknowledgement of the day either. Feb 14, 2017 17:02:53 GMT -5
worksforme2: richfairy72.....I got the cure for your H. Give him a cold glass of milk and put him out in the sun for a couple hours. Vitamin D deficiency cured. Feb 15, 2017 9:02:24 GMT -5
cagedtiger: EO you should just dump him. not that I'd have a personal interest in such things or anything. ;) Feb 15, 2017 12:19:27 GMT -5
eternaloptimism: Tiger pants. I'm trying. Eldest and I had a good chat last night. He knows it's coming. Xxx Feb 16, 2017 1:41:42 GMT -5
nancyb: Getting ready for my big overnight date this weekend. lol FIrst date and it's a sleep over due to geography but I am pleased there are no local hotels. :) Maybe I'll get lucky in 2017! Feb 16, 2017 22:47:50 GMT -5
eternaloptimism: I think you just might Nanc :D. Enjoy him!!! Xxx Feb 17, 2017 0:31:07 GMT -5
tamara68: happy birthday ! Feb 17, 2017 5:41:54 GMT -5
snowman12345: Ohh! is having a tryst? Please give the details when you get back as I bet it will be "rewarding". Feb 17, 2017 7:16:59 GMT -5
LITW: Go Nancy!!! Feb 17, 2017 11:11:43 GMT -5
solodriver: Nancy.....Nancy......Nancy, you go girl! You rock! Feb 17, 2017 13:28:35 GMT -5
nancyb: Its absolutely going to be a good time. I've got the backing of all my LIASM friends. Feb 17, 2017 20:53:13 GMT -5
lakeside4003: I expect there's going to be a big snow-melt!! Feb 17, 2017 21:41:20 GMT -5
DryCreek: "Pics, or it didn't happen!" :D Feb 18, 2017 8:18:49 GMT -5