You've reached the "ILIASM Forum".

This is an active support community for men and women dealing with the causes and effects of living in a sexless marriage. Sexless marriages may be entirely devoid of intimacy, but the term is used clinically to include couples who engage in sex fewer than 10 times per year. The causes are many, but the effects are generally detrimental, and in some cases devastating.

What is "ILIASM"? It stands for "I Live In A Sexless Marriage".

If that applies to you, then you probably need this site.

Where can you turn for support and understanding with your sexless marriage? Counseling (both individual and marital therapy) can have some benefit, but is not a cure-all. (This is actually often discussed on the forum.) Your family and friends may not be able to understand the depth of your suffering, or you may be reluctant to share intimate details... especially if you feel no one will believe you or show due sympathy. There are books and advice websites galore which propose other ways to fix your situation.

We offer not a fix but support: first of all, the support in knowing that a normal healthy sex life is a reasonable expectation in a marriage. Second, we offer the wisdom of how to deal with the burdens you may be carrying, as we've been there, too. We'll share stories, resources, and lend an ear, a hand, or a shoulder. Third, we offer you insights and options. But only you can decide what is best for you.

This is a moderated forum: the community has posted Guidelines outlining what is allowed on the site and expectations of a supportive decorum. Volunteer moderators encourage all to provide earnest and well-meaning support. However, there is no "party line" here. There are many voices, many opinions, and many options. It is up to you to share enough of your experiences so that you can receive the input you need.

Feel free to start browsing the message boards in the forum to consider if you'd like to participate. (Non-members can read the posts, but not interact.) Membership is free, but you must be 18 years or older to register. Registered members may participate in discussions by asking questions, posting supportive answers, or commenting on other posts.

To browse now, continue to the main Forum page.


This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
eternaloptimism: Vodka and pizza...what a combo! Dec 1, 2016 8:13:06 GMT -5
wewbwb: For me it's closer to "Vodka and bad decisions. Perfect together." Dec 2, 2016 9:07:24 GMT -5
beachguy: So I poured myself some Vodka and put a frozen pizza dough in the fridge to defrost. How am I doing? Dec 2, 2016 13:39:18 GMT -5
nancyb: Hey beachguy is that a pepperoni for the pizza or are you just glad to see me? ;) Pass the vodka. Dec 2, 2016 14:35:20 GMT -5
petrushka: I'm off for a few days. Have fun playing, y'all 8-) Dec 3, 2016 14:35:48 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: petrushka, hope the off time is for something fun! :) Dec 4, 2016 14:24:42 GMT -5
beachguy: Oh NancyB, do I have a pepperoni for you :) Or how about an Andouille Sausage? Dec 5, 2016 5:00:04 GMT -5
nancyb: beachguy...now you're talking! Sausage is so much more manly sounding than a pepperoni. ;) Dec 5, 2016 10:52:02 GMT -5
beachguy: NancyB - LOL :) Dec 5, 2016 12:46:47 GMT -5
beachguy: Now on a desperate search for the fattest sausage in town.... Dec 5, 2016 12:47:25 GMT -5
nancyb: beachguy...in my neighbourhood kielbasa is a favourite...preferably smoked. Dec 5, 2016 14:30:40 GMT -5
darktippedrose: Its kind of difficult for me because I was always more into it than he was. In the beginning of my marriage I did 90% of the initiating. Dec 6, 2016 8:14:57 GMT -5
boudinMan: andouille just happens to be my specialty. Dec 6, 2016 10:21:33 GMT -5
nancyb: Seems like there is a lot of sausage on this board. LOL Dec 6, 2016 15:23:20 GMT -5
eternaloptimism: Veggie sausage for me please :) Dec 6, 2016 19:19:25 GMT -5
beeman: The sausage talk is messing with my head. On one hand, I get the double entendre and it's funny. On the other hand, I really like literal sausages of all kinds so it makes me hungry. So, I feel like I'm totally gay for getting hungry. (rofl) Dec 7, 2016 2:32:18 GMT -5
eternaloptimism: Something meaty for the main course..... didn't hosier sing that line in his homoerotic classic take me to church? Dec 7, 2016 3:36:34 GMT -5
beachguy: beeman, you just ruined my day Dec 7, 2016 3:43:33 GMT -5
beeman: lol :P Dec 7, 2016 7:37:38 GMT -5
cagedtiger: ...did somebody say sausage? Dec 7, 2016 11:30:18 GMT -5