You've reached the "ILIASM Forum".

This is an active support community for men and women dealing with the causes and effects of living in a sexless marriage. Sexless marriages may be entirely devoid of intimacy, but the term is used clinically to include couples who engage in sex fewer than 10 times per year. The causes are many, but the effects are generally detrimental, and in some cases devastating.

What is "ILIASM"? It stands for "I Live In A Sexless Marriage".

If that applies to you, then you probably need this site.

Where can you turn for support and understanding with your sexless marriage? Counseling (both individual and marital therapy) can have some benefit, but is not a cure-all. (This is actually often discussed on the forum.) Your family and friends may not be able to understand the depth of your suffering, or you may be reluctant to share intimate details... especially if you feel no one will believe you or show due sympathy. There are books and advice websites galore which propose other ways to fix your situation.

We offer not a fix but support: first of all, the support in knowing that a normal healthy sex life is a reasonable expectation in a marriage. Second, we offer the wisdom of how to deal with the burdens you may be carrying, as we've been there, too. We'll share stories, resources, and lend an ear, a hand, or a shoulder. Third, we offer you insights and options. But only you can decide what is best for you.

This is a moderated forum: the community has posted Guidelines outlining what is allowed on the site and expectations of a supportive decorum. Volunteer moderators encourage all to provide earnest and well-meaning support. However, there is no "party line" here. There are many voices, many opinions, and many options. It is up to you to share enough of your experiences so that you can receive the input you need.

Feel free to start browsing the message boards in the forum to consider if you'd like to participate. (Non-members can read the posts, but not interact.) Membership is free, but you must be 18 years or older to register. Registered members may participate in discussions by asking questions, posting supportive answers, or commenting on other posts.

To browse now, continue to the main Forum page.


This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
worksforme2: My birthday is not until late November but I thought I would go ahead and say something just in case someone wants to get me something nice. May 18, 2017 15:29:05 GMT -5
itsjustus: Thanks for the birthday wishes!! The cake was fantastic. Made by a fellow ILIASM member, who made the rest of the evening...ahem....memorable! May 19, 2017 0:34:30 GMT -5
merrygoround: Sorry it's a belated one, but happy birthday. Sounds like you had the best one anyway! X May 19, 2017 6:41:00 GMT -5
itsjustus: Thanks merry! No problem on belated. You just helped remind me of my birthday present. Excuse me while I......smile. Ahhhh..... ;) May 19, 2017 6:53:11 GMT -5
petrushka: Happy birthday, @skguy ! May 19, 2017 23:39:26 GMT -5 *
merrygoround: Happy birthday skguy x May 20, 2017 0:38:45 GMT -5
nancyb: RIP innocent victims of Manchester bombing. :( May 23, 2017 6:36:33 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: So sad... :( May 23, 2017 7:26:49 GMT -5
eternaloptimism: What a crappy day. The Manchester thing is local to me. Thanks goodness my children's friends are all safe. I have the joy of the next 4 days of a dental show to work in the city centre. I know security will be stepped up but even so. Am a bit nervous. May 23, 2017 13:39:08 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: EO, glad those you know are safe. Take care. May 23, 2017 16:33:32 GMT -5 *
dinnaken: A sombre day today, too close to home. An eight year old for ***** sake May 23, 2017 16:40:38 GMT -5
notlovingit: NO! OMG. :'( I heard the news last night and this AM, but haven't heard any updates of the lives that were lost. May 23, 2017 18:19:32 GMT -5
notlovingit: (((HUGS))) May 23, 2017 18:20:06 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: I watched the report on the news tonight, had only read articles online. So horrible, so sad. Be safe out there, everyone May 23, 2017 18:34:57 GMT -5
tamara68: I am glad your children's friends are safe. May 24, 2017 5:26:58 GMT -5
eternaloptimism: Have been hearing about friends of friends injured today. One of the nurses at a client of mine has lost her close friend in it too. So awful. Am about to watch a programme with my little one aimed at answering their questions. He's all anxious about it :( May 24, 2017 13:49:25 GMT -5
eternaloptimism: I'm missing this place too much since I've weaned off it to sort my head out. I'm never going to catch up on everything I'm missing. Grr. May 24, 2017 13:55:53 GMT -5
eternaloptimism: And there's loads of new people. Hello new people :) xxx May 24, 2017 13:56:32 GMT -5
thistooshallpass: HELLO eternaloptimism!!!! xoxo May 24, 2017 16:37:45 GMT -5
thistooshallpass: My heart goes out to all the victims and their families in Manchester. May 24, 2017 16:40:15 GMT -5