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Post by smith227 on Jan 23, 2019 11:26:23 GMT -5
I’m to a point now where I don’t even want the grandma kisses in the top of my head, or the pats on the back. The mercy sex that’s given to me when he feels the need to empty his balls now makes me sick. I have an exit plan but it’s months if not an entire year away due to financial and health issues. Does anyone else have this issue? Where you’ve gotten so tired of being refused, you begin to be grossed out by your refuser and would rather they not touch you at all?
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Post by Deleted on Jan 23, 2019 11:52:56 GMT -5
Can't say I was "grossed out" by my husband, but I did find myself refusing him a couple times when he approached me as I did not feel his interest was genuine, sincere, or the result of a true desire for me. My refusal of his advances (the first time I had ever done that in our entire time together) definitely caught his attention, though it took a while thereafter for us to come back together again. So while I cannot say I was ever disgusted by him, I did find that I no longer desired to be touched by him for a period of time there.
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Post by workingonit on Jan 23, 2019 13:15:17 GMT -5
Yes. It is brotherly at best if he touches me now. That is the thing that makes me know it cannot be fixed
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Post by ironhamster on Jan 23, 2019 13:39:11 GMT -5
My girlfriend is currently disengaging, separating, and divorcing. When we first met, she did what she could to play the good wife even though she got nothing out of it and knew he didn't either, for entirely different reasons.
The next phase was where it was gross to her, and she stopped putting up with his weak advances. It seems that this is a pretty normal part of the process.
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Post by deadzone75 on Jan 23, 2019 14:31:26 GMT -5
I don't find my refuser revolting, but the small affectionate gestures aggravate me because they mean nothing. This is especially bothersome in public, when she suddenly wants to make an affectionate show.
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Post by flashjohn on Jan 23, 2019 15:57:36 GMT -5
After 6 years of no sex, I could barely stand to be in the same room with my refuser. Now that I am out and divorced, I would not fuck her for a million dollars or more.
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Post by baza on Jan 23, 2019 16:32:31 GMT -5
I’m to a point now where I don’t even want the grandma kisses in the top of my head, or the pats on the back. The mercy sex that’s given to me when he feels the need to empty his balls now makes me sick. I have an exit plan but it’s months if not an entire year away due to financial and health issues. Does anyone else have this issue? Where you’ve gotten so tired of being refused, you begin to be grossed out by your refuser and would rather they not touch you at all? This feeling is far from unusual, and a bit of reading in here will demonstrate that to you Sister smith227 . About your 12 month exit strategy .... One way or another that is pretty usual too ... it is rather rare to find someone who catches a clue that their deal is toast acting 'there and then'. In my jurisdiction you have to be separated for a year before you can divorce in any event. What often happens though is people saying 'my exit plan kicks in in a year' (say Jan 2020) when what they mean is they might start that process in a year, which really means a 2 year total (Jan 2021) which can all too easily become January 2022. Presumably you have seen a lawyer Sister smith227 ?
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Jan 23, 2019 20:47:29 GMT -5
Its great to hear you have an exit plan. A year is a very realistic time frame. You can use that time to see a Lawyer, discreetly seperate finances and taking action that will enable your exit as minimally as possible when the difficult time comes.
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Post by choosinghappy on Jan 25, 2019 15:23:43 GMT -5
Welcome to the wonderful world of counter-refusal!!
Yes, I felt like this. Perhaps not to the extent of being “grossed out” but I no longer wanted those damn pecks on the forehead from him, and before that, when they were still pecks on the cheek I would often busy myself doing some or even turn my cheek so he couldn’t. The thought of being sexual with him became gross because the relationship was so platonic. Like fucking your brother.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Jan 25, 2019 20:47:03 GMT -5
I started doing this and it led to him hiring a “hands-on” sex therapist, going on dating sites, and finally handing me a letter demanding divorce where he gets the house because he “needs” sex.
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Post by novembercomingfire on Jan 25, 2019 21:14:53 GMT -5
After 6 years of no sex, I could barely stand to be in the same room with my refuser. Now that I am out and divorced, I would not fuck her for a million dollars or more. I sure do hear you. I find my ex to be a rather unique sort of repulsive. I don’t want to speak to her or even worse be in the same room with her, much less fuck her.
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Post by solodriver on Jan 25, 2019 21:33:34 GMT -5
Welcome to the wonderful world of counter-refusal!! Yes, I felt like this. Perhaps not to the extent of being “grossed out” but I no longer wanted those damn pecks on the forehead from him, and before that, when they were still pecks on the cheek I would often busy myself doing some or even turn my cheek so he couldn’t. The thought of being sexual with him became gross because the relationship was so platonic. Like fucking your brother. Or in my case, my sister! yuck!
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Post by isthisforever on Jan 27, 2019 0:20:39 GMT -5
Yes. My husband tries to kiss me goodnight and it makes me want to puke. I'm absolutely in this phase. Good for you for making a plan now.
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Post by Dan on Jan 31, 2019 20:56:28 GMT -5
Definitely went through a phase a few years ago where if she touched me in ANY WAY remotely sexual (eg: most of the ways she would touch me with her hands in bed), it ABSOLUTELY made my skin crawl. I wasn't revolted to be around her or to see her; hugs (fully clothed, say about to leave the house) were fine; I could take her hand if helping her up. But anything close to a "caress" just blew my circuits. I think she began to notice how I would clench, and thus attempted this less and less. And I think I got over it -- the intense skin-crawling reaction, at least. So smith227, just give it a few months more... maybe you'll get to "don't give a damn", which is at least better than being grossed out.
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Post by MarianCali on Feb 1, 2019 17:32:15 GMT -5
I feel this way too. He gave me one kiss goodnight this year and it shocked the hell out of me. I think it showed on my face because he hasn't done it again. I did ask him this year to snuggle me in bed because I was having a rough week but it was no comfort. I'm fine being in the room with him and am trying to be nicer but the thought of being sexual with him is a turn off. I even told him he is the best I ever had (truth) and what happened to us but I didn't feel like getting into one of those conversations. I was just thinking out loud and wanted to share with him.
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