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Post by nyctos on Jun 26, 2018 10:49:08 GMT -5
W said last night that she wants sex, if I lose weight (I'm not hugely overweight, but it's something she wants me to work on). Oh, and get a new job that pays more.
She says she'll do it once for each 2 kg lost.
The thing is, we once did this before. Except it was 5 kg for the first time, and then supposed to be 2 kg for each time after that. I don't think she really expected me to lose the 5 kg as quickly as I did, and so once I lost it she decided I would need to lose another 5 kg before she'd do it again. This was pretty upsetting; it seemed like a clear indication that she'd want to avoid ever having sex with me. I was so upset at the time I abandoned trying to lose weight.
So what am I to make of this new offer? I'm not really sure. On one hand, I'd like not living in a sexless marriage for even a little while -- on the other hand, it puts myself back in a situation that hurt a lot last time.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 26, 2018 10:57:40 GMT -5
Been there. The list of preconditions kept growing as I fulfilled them. And the sex got LESS frequent, not more.
Your mileage may vary. I wouldn't bet on it, though.
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Post by WindSister on Jun 26, 2018 10:58:47 GMT -5
I think the only weight you need to lose is whatever the scale says when she is on it. I did it when I divorced my ex... he was the only weight I had to lose.
It's one thing to be supportive for a healthy lifestyle, it's another to withhold sex because of what the scale says. Borders on abusive in my book. Hell no. Then she doesn't even follow through?? Isn't she a dandy.
This is not healthy, she's holding you back.
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Post by flounder on Jun 26, 2018 11:11:51 GMT -5
Bribery. How romantic.
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Post by DryCreek on Jun 26, 2018 11:12:07 GMT -5
W said last night that she wants sex, if I lose weight (I'm not hugely overweight, but it's something she wants me to work on). Oh, and get a new job that pays more. Looking at the positives... she admits that sex is a thing, and has the guts to include it in a conversation. But there is a huge gap between willingness and desire. It doesn’t sound like she actually wants intimacy, but she’s willing to trade sex in exchange for something - especially more money. There’s a whole profession centered around that mindset. Would she? Probably. Will it meet your expectations? Probably not. I’d suggest a healthier dynamic is one where regular intimacy is normal, and going “above and beyond” is the reward for a shared accomplishment. Like the difference between “I’ll starve you until X goal” vs “I’ll make your favorite meal”.
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Post by elkclan2 on Jun 26, 2018 11:12:45 GMT -5
No.
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Post by mescaline on Jun 26, 2018 11:19:47 GMT -5
Ouch. Turning sex into a transaction. Not the kind of sex I'd want at all. But if it works for you...
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Post by bballgirl on Jun 26, 2018 12:00:03 GMT -5
That’s bullshit!!
I would be done with her sexually but if you want to have some fun with her own idea then two can play at that game.
Do you contribute to the household? Chores? Financially?
Doing the dishes - blow job Mowing the yard - doggy style Vacuuming- your choice Cleaning the entire house - all of the above
I would stop my direct deposit and open my own account and if she doesn’t want to act like she’s married then she doesn’t get the benefits of marriage.
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Post by WindSister on Jun 26, 2018 12:36:27 GMT -5
That’s bullshit!! I would be done with her sexually but if you want to have some fun with her own idea then two can play at that game. Do you contribute to the household? Chores? Financially? Doing the dishes - blow job Mowing the yard - doggy style Vacuuming- your choice Cleaning the entire house - all of the above I would stop my direct deposit and open my own account and if she doesn’t want to act like she’s married then she doesn’t get the benefits of marriage. Would love to see that chore chart. Ha.
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Post by bballgirl on Jun 26, 2018 12:40:46 GMT -5
That’s bullshit!! I would be done with her sexually but if you want to have some fun with her own idea then two can play at that game. Do you contribute to the household? Chores? Financially? Doing the dishes - blow job Mowing the yard - doggy style Vacuuming- your choice Cleaning the entire house - all of the above I would stop my direct deposit and open my own account and if she doesn’t want to act like she’s married then she doesn’t get the benefits of marriage. Would love to see that chore chart. Ha. I’d love to see her reaction to it!! If I were him I wouldn’t lift a finger around the house.
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catsloveme
Full Member
Dwelling in the possible
Posts: 206
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Post by catsloveme on Jun 26, 2018 12:48:51 GMT -5
Lose the weight for yourself if it will make you feel better about yourself emotionally and be an improvement for your health.
Get a new job that pays more if it will give you a professional advantage or the extra money will give you peace of mind and some additional financial security.
But don’t do those things so your wife will have sex with you. What she is asking gives away that she’s pretty shallow and ungiving. Setting conditions on whether you’re worthy of her affection is pretty telling.
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Post by nyctos on Jun 26, 2018 15:05:03 GMT -5
That’s bullshit!! I would be done with her sexually but if you want to have some fun with her own idea then two can play at that game. Do you contribute to the household? Chores? Financially? Doing the dishes - blow job Mowing the yard - doggy style Vacuuming- your choice Cleaning the entire house - all of the above I would stop my direct deposit and open my own account and if she doesn’t want to act like she’s married then she doesn’t get the benefits of marriage. Well, of course I contribute -- chores and about 80% of the finances. Not sure I could ever create that kind of list, though. I'd probably also have to teach her what a blow job is.
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Post by choosinghappy on Jun 26, 2018 15:25:28 GMT -5
Wow. That offer would get a resounding FUCK YOU from me.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 26, 2018 15:35:17 GMT -5
Wow. That offer would get a resounding FUCK YOU from me. I can't count the number of times over the years my wife would promise sex if I did something she wanted. The few times she did it was enough to keep me hooked. I can't believe I didn't even think how messed up that was at the time. SM is sort of like living under hypnosis or in an alternate universe where our minds get twisted into believing the unbelievable.
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Post by bballgirl on Jun 26, 2018 16:06:21 GMT -5
That’s bullshit!! I would be done with her sexually but if you want to have some fun with her own idea then two can play at that game. Do you contribute to the household? Chores? Financially? Doing the dishes - blow job Mowing the yard - doggy style Vacuuming- your choice Cleaning the entire house - all of the above I would stop my direct deposit and open my own account and if she doesn’t want to act like she’s married then she doesn’t get the benefits of marriage. Well, of course I contribute -- chores and about 80% of the finances. Not sure I could ever create that kind of list, though. I'd probably also have to teach her what a blow job is. Uggh! I just can’t hit like. If you have to teach her then it wouldn’t be good anyway. If it’s any consolation or at the very least some support and understanding: i can remember around 2005ish offering to my H that I would do his laundry once a week if we had sex. To this day he does his own laundry he didn’t want sex with me - his choice, and I divorced him - my choice.
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