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Post by Frustrated1978 on Jan 17, 2019 17:47:55 GMT -5
I have often wondered myself do we get conditioned to not wanting sex anymore or are we just silently disgusted by our Refusers constant rejections that we no longer yern for them or desire them. I'm leaning towards being repulsed by the refuser as the answer. I'm confident that if an alternate pretty sexual partner was to come along the sexual demon would be re awaken.
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Jan 17, 2019 17:41:36 GMT -5
I think it is high time you told him to fuck off permenantly!
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Jan 17, 2019 17:37:09 GMT -5
I can fully relate to this situation. Have been there myself. Something simple as a sex scene on TV is a painful reminder of just what you are missing out on and makes you resent your refuser that little more.
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Feb 11, 2018 22:59:20 GMT -5
Its time to sit her down and explain some realities to her. If you don't speak up for your self you will continue to suffer in silence.
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Jan 31, 2018 21:36:44 GMT -5
When one is in a sexless marriage we are 1000 times less tolerant of any issues we would usually turn the other cheek on. Suddenly The Refusers faults are multiplied 10 fold. We have two cats also. They are my bane as well. I'm the only one that feeds them, provides fresh water changes their litter box etc etc.
Yes your wife is lazy. At the end of the day she will get away with whatever you tolerate.
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Jan 11, 2018 0:39:46 GMT -5
At some point my wife admitted to me that she uses sex to get me to do chores. As I thought about this, it seems like something that might be OK in a healthy relationship if done in a playful way, but seeing it now through the eyes of a SM shithole it just doesn't sit well with me. Over the weekend I did major work on an outdoor project my wife had requested as a Christmas gift, we also took family pictures(yes, I see the humor) that went fairly well. Later that night my wife tried to reset me. The only thing going through my mind was that I was a good boy and did my chores and didn't misbehave at pictures so I was being offered sexy as a reward. Just a complete turn off and further confirming that this situation isn't working for me any longer. I know this probably happens organically, I suspect a partner would naturally be turned on by seeing their partner do things for them, take care of them, or provide for them, but I just feel like there has to be a bit more there or it's just a business transaction. I'm just curious what everyone else thinks about the exchange of sex for chores? Brother neonspace sex for chores is a power game they play. They control the situation and therefore control you. I'm not judging i was a victim of the very same thing. Do xyz and you'd get some action for being a good boy. When i realised it was all a power play and refused to play along any further things changed.
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Jan 11, 2018 0:36:29 GMT -5
Good thinking. I spent some time yesterday looking at options, such as an apartment, mobile home in a nice area, and foreclosed houses I could pick up cheap. I like your idea. Oddly, I talked to my wife, and after realizing that her total maintenance would be less than her current play money, she completely forgot that she had told me I needed to move out. Its amazing brother ironhamster that the realisation of one's ATM drying up can cause a sudden bout of convenient amnesia.
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Jan 11, 2018 0:30:10 GMT -5
The answer is very simple. In my experience most refusers are also narcissits. Your wife is most likely a narcissistic social path that refuses to give you any joy or allow others to give you joy. Its all about control. You see if you were allowed to go elsewhere for some pleasure you might just actually realise what you have been missing out on. The refuser does not want the refused to have a sudden awakening in regards to the possible sex on offer elsewhere. This would be very bad for the refusers standard of living. It might just drop a notch or two and your sudden come to god moment might awaken the need to ditch the refuser so you can take up the sex on tap offered elsewhere. In return the refuser would lose an ATM, Cook, Maid, Babysitter, his/her cosy little world etc etc. So you see it is in the best interest of The Refuser to just ban sex all together regardless of who is willing to dish it out to you.
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Jan 8, 2018 19:20:08 GMT -5
Your wife was most likely projecting on what she'd be losing. Her meal ticket, her cook, cleaner, babysitter, etc. Basically she was saying you cant divorce me. Think about how you would crush my cosy little world if you were to leave.
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Jan 1, 2018 18:58:23 GMT -5
Brian don't assume anything about your deal and how a divorce will pan out for you until you have seen a lawyer. If your wife makes more than you why do you assume that you will recieve no ailomony? Has this been verified by a Divorce Lawyer?
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Jan 1, 2018 18:54:43 GMT -5
Now that you have realised that you cant live without intimacy your thinking will be a lot clearer. Some advice from someone that has outsourced, if you are planning to go down this road be very discreet. Indeed see a lawyer and find out how a divorce will pan out for you. Based on the advice given prepare a suitable exit plan just in case the unthinkable happens and your refuser somehow finds out about your affair. She might decide to blow up the marriage taking matters out of your hands. At least you would be well prepared.
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Dec 21, 2017 19:02:28 GMT -5
My initial thought was where is that girl?
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Dec 21, 2017 18:58:30 GMT -5
My Refuser is a Master at Darvo, always denying, then quickly goes on the attack regarding topics that have no meaning in the current issue, Reversing the matter to express what an arsehole, i am All the while playing the victim and offended card.
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Dec 21, 2017 18:47:00 GMT -5
In my early days the original to this forum gave me hope and helped me interact with people in a similiar situation. It also gave me acceptance of my deal. I had gone through stages of sexless marriage, and had engaged in an affair, seperated and moved in with affair partner, then reconciled with my refuser. Of course the increased sex was short lived after reconciling.
Now i make the informed choice to accept my deal for what it is. A marriage of joint parental and financial convenience. For now i am willing to accept this situation. Some time later i might wake up and decide this situation is no longer working for me.
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Dec 21, 2017 18:34:56 GMT -5
After a while there's no point in bringing it up. The Refusers actions are loud and clear. However last night was the exception. My wife stated whilst in bed her new years resolution was to save more money. (Mind you we are financially comfortable) She had concluded that my Foxtel Subscription had to go. (For those that know my back story from the original Sister Forum to this would know that the abolition of my Foxtel Subscription has been a long term goal of hers for many years.)
My response was Foxtel will never be going. Why would i part with something that gives me pleasure and joy? It's not like i get pleasure or joy from sex.
The look she shot me was like i'd asked her to donate her right kidney.
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