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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 10, 2017 10:05:16 GMT -5
This is a BIG reason why I am on here every day. The HOPE that so many of you give to me, and I receive by reading the HOPE that is given to others. When I have moments of giving back to myself I think about many of you, male and female. Times when I am helping myself by going to the beach alone, going out for a drive, alone, going to group meetings, church, surfing, dinner, the gym, whatever the self improvement may be, I think of you all. I think about certain people I would like to have with me. People who are good at giving, and receiving. People who would respect me, and desire my company. This gives me HOPE for finding others in my local area as I continue on my journey!
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Post by solitarysoul on Aug 10, 2017 10:46:08 GMT -5
Being here is not about hope for me...it's about understanding my reality...hope is not something to have with regards to righting my marriage. For that, hope is dangerous...my hope for everyone here is finding a peace with their lives.... whether they choose to stay, leave, or change their lives....
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Post by WindSister on Aug 10, 2017 10:56:18 GMT -5
Knowing one is not alone in a struggle, that others have been there (are there) is always helpful. Those who dare to share help not only themselves but others as well.
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Post by mrslowmaintenance on Aug 10, 2017 11:27:04 GMT -5
Yes!! Love this. I will occasionally laugh to myself when I see something I know some members on here would like. There are phrases that I find myself wishing I had written down because the phrasing and word choice was so entirely spot on.
I do get hope from here. Hope that I can make the best effort possible to save my marriage, hope that a sex life in a marriage really can be possible, hope that if it doesn't work that I will have the knowledge and support I will need, hope that if I end up out that I will not be alone forever.
There is a lot of hope to be had, and I am mostly optimistic 😉
(PS I am quite jealous that you get to go surfing greatcoastal, our waters here are a bit too cold for such an attempt)
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Post by ironhamster on Aug 10, 2017 11:46:48 GMT -5
This forum has been huge for me. It does give me hope, but, a very different hope than I had when I first came here.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 10, 2017 14:43:49 GMT -5
Hope is a powerful thing, especially when pointed in the right direction.
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Post by h on Aug 10, 2017 14:58:33 GMT -5
When I came here, I was utterly hopeless and resigned to a life of misery. I was asking for advice on how to change the core of who I am to adapt to a miserable situation. The people here have given me hope that things can be better. I've gotten the courage to speak up for myself now.
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Post by becca on Aug 10, 2017 15:08:04 GMT -5
Joining this forum has truly changed my life. I had been telling myself for years I was going to leave but I didn't. Reading all of your stories, the victories and the struggles, gave me courage to finally stand up and tell my H enough was enough! I think he was as shocked as I was the day I moved out.
It isn't all perfect and there are so many things to still figure out, including an official divorce, but a weight has been lifted off of me. I do have hope now where before I was just going through the motions.
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Post by shamwow on Aug 10, 2017 15:45:00 GMT -5
Ironically, for me, this forum has been about GIVING UP hope. It helped me understand that there was no hope that my marriage was not going to get better. Chasing why is a futile quest.
Instead, to me, this place is more about fellowship. First in supporting this poor wretch of a man as he faced the worst time in his life. And now? The fellowship in making the most of the rest of my life is just as important.
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Post by h on Aug 10, 2017 17:07:07 GMT -5
Ironically, for me, this forum has been about GIVING UP hope. It helped me understand that there was no hope that my marriage was not going to get better. Chasing why is a futile quest. Instead, to me, this place is more about fellowship. First in supporting this poor wretch of a man as he faced the worst time in his life. And now? The fellowship in making the most of the rest of my life is just as important. In my book, that still counts as hope for the future.
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Post by lwoetin on Aug 11, 2017 1:33:08 GMT -5
I like being here because of the topic of sex and sexlessness in marriage. It is enlightening and comforting to connect with others. I don't have other outlets. And the ananonimity helps and may be preferred. In terms of hope, my spouse is the factor whether there is or not in marriage. Her love gives hope. The sex part complicates things.
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Post by greatcoastal on Dec 16, 2017 9:44:57 GMT -5
HOPE is the oxygen of the living sole. Anyone who is among the living has hope. For even a live dog is better than a dead lion.
HOPE is alive in mercy.
HOPE is alive in Heaven.
HOPE is alive and active through faith.
HOPE is alive in suffering.
HOPE is alive in love.
Perseverance = character = HOPE 1 peter 1:3-9
(Hope is paddling out to enjoy the incoming waves)
HOPE is taking ground/exploring the land.
HOPE is being available.
HOPE is refusing the enemy's assessment against you.
HOPE is separating yourself from negative people.
HOPE is speaking faith in the face of doubt.
HOPE is never loosing YOUR passion.
HOPE is taking a risk.
HOPE is taking ground by being disgusted with our situation! Sick of being sick Don't be disgusted with yourself in your marriage. Be disgusted with the situation. Have HOPE that change is coming, and that you are going to make it happen!
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Post by greatcoastal on Dec 16, 2017 10:09:10 GMT -5
Make HOPE part of your new years resolution, take ground and rediscover yourself!
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Post by Caris on Dec 17, 2017 10:24:40 GMT -5
Hope was one thing that kept me in my SM for 25-years. I hoped that things would change, and he would want me. That was false hope. We need hope because hopelessness causes us to wither, and give up, as I did for a long time, but we need to discern between hope and false hope. One keeps us going. The other keeps us going in the wrong direction. I think results over time is how to tell the difference, but I only know that because I wasted so much time. I suppose learning later is better than never.
If that situation came up again, I wouldn’t need much time. I know the signs, and I know what I expect from someone who is supposed to love me.
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Post by greatcoastal on Dec 17, 2017 10:55:25 GMT -5
Very well stated Caris! There certainly is false hope. What's important to me is then redirecting that hope and not giving up on myself.
"If you don't quit you cant loose." For me there is a lot of truth in that. I also know that quitting, retreating, is also a brave strategic move. Then re-gruoping and rethinking your strategy.
How many of us wished for years that our spouse would give in, compromise, just the least bit? Be willing to change? Admitting you where wrong for holding out, caving, giving in, ( pick a flavor) and remain open minded to new ways, always learning.
"The other keeps us going in the wrong direction" The time comes when that FOG is lifted and you/we redirect that hope much more in ourselves and can now actively seek out new situations. and "know what I expect from someone who is supposed to love me".
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