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Post by neonspace on Jan 10, 2018 8:03:13 GMT -5
At some point my wife admitted to me that she uses sex to get me to do chores. As I thought about this, it seems like something that might be OK in a healthy relationship if done in a playful way, but seeing it now through the eyes of a SM shithole it just doesn't sit well with me.
Over the weekend I did major work on an outdoor project my wife had requested as a Christmas gift, we also took family pictures(yes, I see the humor) that went fairly well. Later that night my wife tried to reset me. The only thing going through my mind was that I was a good boy and did my chores and didn't misbehave at pictures so I was being offered sexy as a reward. Just a complete turn off and further confirming that this situation isn't working for me any longer.
I know this probably happens organically, I suspect a partner would naturally be turned on by seeing their partner do things for them, take care of them, or provide for them, but I just feel like there has to be a bit more there or it's just a business transaction.
I'm just curious what everyone else thinks about the exchange of sex for chores?
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Post by h on Jan 10, 2018 8:21:01 GMT -5
There's two ways that I can see this going. Maybe there are variations though.
Sex given enthusiastically and spontaneously afterwards as a show of appreciation for your generous acts of service has a nice feeling of giving and intimacy attached to it.
Sex dangled in front of you beforehand, like a carrot to coerce you into doing something isn't the same. It's a business transaction just like you described complete with contract terms to nullify the offer if services are not rendered as agreed upon by the chore-doing party or to the satisfaction of the sex-offering party.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jan 10, 2018 8:36:16 GMT -5
Try to forget the chores, the kids, the household responsibilities for a moment, and go back to when you first met. Separate lives, separate stories, separate individuals. You came TOGETHER. Had sex with each other a mutual giving and receiving. A mutual desire for connecting physically and emotionally with each other. Both submitting and trusting.
You want to know why that is not there anymore? That hasn't changed for you, but it sure has changed for her! Or was it that way from the start, and you where manipulatively controlled, and have been for the entire marriage.
What you are realizing is that is no longer in existence. That the chores for sex removes any feelings of a mutual sharing due to desire, and the satisfaction of giving and receiving.
Lets say you have a sprained foot. You can no longer do 3/4 of those chores any more, but can still do 100% of sex. What then?
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Post by shamwow on Jan 10, 2018 10:52:28 GMT -5
At some point my wife admitted to me that she uses sex to get me to do chores. As I thought about this, it seems like something that might be OK in a healthy relationship if done in a playful way, but seeing it now through the eyes of a SM shithole it just doesn't sit well with me. Over the weekend I did major work on an outdoor project my wife had requested as a Christmas gift, we also took family pictures(yes, I see the humor) that went fairly well. Later that night my wife tried to reset me. The only thing going through my mind was that I was a good boy and did my chores and didn't misbehave at pictures so I was being offered sexy as a reward. Just a complete turn off and further confirming that this situation isn't working for me any longer. I know this probably happens organically, I suspect a partner would naturally be turned on by seeing their partner do things for them, take care of them, or provide for them, but I just feel like there has to be a bit more there or it's just a business transaction. I'm just curious what everyone else thinks about the exchange of sex for chores? I agree that in a normal relationship, appreciation for being considerate (i.e. Chores) could result in sex. However, if it is a quid pro quo (you do this and you get sex, you don't do this and no sex), then it is something else entirely. I am curious what your wife would think if you had hired someone to do the chores she asked you to do. Would that entitle you to your payment? If so, it might just be easier to leave the cash next to the bed (with a small amount extra for her trouble of arranging the handyman, cleaning person, yard guy, etc). I think she'd be none too happy with this arrangement since it makes her appear to be exchanging sex for money. However, if this is the exchange necessary to facilitate intimacy? At least you would know the true situation and her hourly rate. If this seems cold? So is making you perform like a trained seal for a pat on the head. Just sayin'
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Post by csl on Jan 10, 2018 14:36:57 GMT -5
So your wife is into Choreplay, huh?
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Post by orangepeel on Jan 10, 2018 14:43:49 GMT -5
Sex is a chore.
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Post by orangepeel on Jan 10, 2018 14:44:23 GMT -5
When starfished, obviously......
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Post by neonspace on Jan 10, 2018 15:27:57 GMT -5
She actually said that to me once.
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Post by orangepeel on Jan 10, 2018 15:31:10 GMT -5
She actually said that to me once. Oh, plenty of us will have heard that. Especially if we’re telepathic.
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Post by Apocrypha on Jan 10, 2018 16:12:20 GMT -5
She actually said that to me once She regards sex with you as a chore. As in, something she'd rather not do. She has shown you this, and told you this. It's not mere indifference - it's actual antipathy. Do you want to have sex with someone who doesn't want you? You are in the same marriage as her and you want to have sex with her. I presume there was a time in which she wanted it with you - and that time is over. What do you imagine she thinks of you and your libido, knowing that you will have sex with her even when she has told you she doesn't want it with you? What's the long term prognosis for that recipe, in terms of how she thinks of you? Will it make her want you more? Over time, her price will go up. You are both trapped in a relationship that isn't going to satisfy either of you.
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Post by orangepeel on Jan 10, 2018 16:34:08 GMT -5
So your wife is into Choreplay, huh? I think more of us need to acknowledge how great a joke this is! Really.
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Post by ironhamster on Jan 10, 2018 16:44:09 GMT -5
Sex is a chore for my wife, too. Was a chore, anyway.
That is not the kind of sex I want.
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Post by baza on Jan 10, 2018 18:50:57 GMT -5
If both parties are open and agreeable to the concept, I have no problem with "Sex for chores". Or "Sex for money" if that's how both people want to handle this aspect of their lives. It doesn't have any appeal to me personally. And it doesn't seem to have much appeal to Brother neonspace either.
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Post by rejected101 on Jan 10, 2018 19:02:19 GMT -5
At some point my wife admitted to me that she uses sex to get me to do chores. As I thought about this, it seems like something that might be OK in a healthy relationship if done in a playful way, but seeing it now through the eyes of a SM shithole it just doesn't sit well with me. Over the weekend I did major work on an outdoor project my wife had requested as a Christmas gift, we also took family pictures(yes, I see the humor) that went fairly well. Later that night my wife tried to reset me. The only thing going through my mind was that I was a good boy and did my chores and didn't misbehave at pictures so I was being offered sexy as a reward. Just a complete turn off and further confirming that this situation isn't working for me any longer. I know this probably happens organically, I suspect a partner would naturally be turned on by seeing their partner do things for them, take care of them, or provide for them, but I just feel like there has to be a bit more there or it's just a business transaction. I'm just curious what everyone else thinks about the exchange of sex for chores? Been there done that. When sex is a reward for an act of kindness or hard work, the act of kindness or hard work one provides becomes premeditated to achieve and end goal. Example - buy me flowers and I’m more likely to want to fuck you. Result, you buy flowers not because your wife is special but because she’s more likely to fuck you. Yes, relationships to a degree have a transaction type of process but if these important things only ever happen as part of a transaction, they become unhealthy. A dog being given a bone when it comes back off the lead is a measure of control and display of obedience. Last time I looked you weren’t a dog and shouldn’t be treated like one.
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Post by Dan on Jan 10, 2018 21:04:39 GMT -5
I think h has it right. This distinction: Sex given enthusiastically and spontaneously afterwards as a show of appreciation for your generous acts of service has a nice feeling of giving and intimacy attached to it. Sex dangled in front of you beforehand, like a carrot to coerce you into doing something isn't the same. THAT SAID... As long as the "appreciation" is of the first type, I would gladly consider performing most DIY/handyman chores in exchange for sex acts, quid pro quo. And I'm not talking about for my wife... In fact, I'm thinking of taking out ads: "I'll bring the screwdriver; you provide the screw."
"Open offer to plow your driveway... then you."
"Highly skilled at filling all your cracks." (Ladies: are you paying attention???)
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