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Post by Dan on Jan 10, 2018 16:40:06 GMT -5
While pondering what my living situation would be if I were to move forward with a divorce, I've been considering my options. Buy a townhouse... rent a house or townhouse... rent an apartment... etc.
Of course: as a 50-something professional and having had my own home since I've been married, I'm interested in someplace reasonably comfortable. But as a would-be-newly-divorced-man -- likely with kids still in college -- money might be tight. Money might be really tight! Or money might not be too tight, but maybe I'd like to live very modestly while I save money to travel or whatever.
Entirely separate from all that: one of my kids has run afoul of his college code of conduct. The tentative result from the disciplinary board has been that he'll be banned from university housing. This is a weird "punishment" because, frankly, the dorms (and required meal plan) are a little over-priced, but REQUIRED for your first two years. He is independent enough that he would be easily able to live on his own (with roommates).
But he is at a total loss: "but how will I find a roommate/room-to-rent, Dad?" My view is: this is a college town. CERTAINLY there are places to look if you just want to rent a room. I suggest: let's check Craigslist -- something he hadn't thought of.
Within minutes, I had viable housing options for him, walking distance to campus, available now, and lower cost than the dorm.
Then it hit me: what would similar housing options be FOR ME? So I checked Craigslist.
Sure enough, within minutes, I found some "rent a room in a shared apartment or house". Most seem happy to consider a non-smoking, clean, professional. Several different price points. All: closer to work than I live now. One of them was a room in a beautiful water front home, and the room had a private bath. That for LESS THAN HALF of what I'm paying my mortgage now.
Just one more sign: it might be time for me to ditch my current roommate, and consider a new living situation with a new one.
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Post by ironhamster on Jan 10, 2018 16:52:35 GMT -5
Good thinking. I spent some time yesterday looking at options, such as an apartment, mobile home in a nice area, and foreclosed houses I could pick up cheap. I like your idea.
Oddly, I talked to my wife, and after realizing that her total maintenance would be less than her current play money, she completely forgot that she had told me I needed to move out.
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Post by DryCreek on Jan 10, 2018 18:04:11 GMT -5
Whatever your definition of "entertaining", it will be more difficult to have a guest if you're sharing a place vs. having your own.
On the other hand, it's way cheaper to not buy furniture, pay all the rent, etc.
I suppose it depends on what your plans are for the near future. I agree that when you're on your own, it's easy to be a minimalist. I have no problem fitting everything into a suitcase and a backpack when I take extended trips.
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Post by baza on Jan 10, 2018 19:50:50 GMT -5
If you are on the way to the exit, then this potential answer to the question - "where might I live ?" is another hurdle out of the way. FWIW Brother Dan - and based on my experience - as you tick each box (like legal advice, support network, how you'd help kids thru the transition etc) it all starts to get real. Uncomfortably and intimidatingly real. And you get to a point where you realise "hey, this is do-able". And then the fun really starts !!
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Post by northstarmom on Jan 10, 2018 20:04:13 GMT -5
“Whatever your definition of "entertaining", it will be more difficult to have a guest if you're sharing a place vs. having your own.”
I have friends in their 40s with roommates and that doesn’t seem to impede their sex lives....
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Post by hopingforachange on Jan 10, 2018 20:07:03 GMT -5
I know people renting finished basements and it hasn't slowed them down.
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Post by Dan on Jan 10, 2018 20:33:35 GMT -5
FWIW Brother Dan - and based on my experience - as you tick each box (like legal advice, support network, how you'd help kids thru the transition etc) it all starts to get real. Uncomfortably and intimidatingly real. And you get to a point where you realise "hey, this is do-able". Makes a lot of sense, baza . That seems to be the path I'm treading. In fact, I propose we name this phenominon: "BBTT", for "Baza's Box-Ticking Theory". The housing thing was NOT one of my big worries; more than anything, I was smiling at the universe giving me another "nod" toward divorce in the middle of dealing with my son's screw-up at college.
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Post by Dan on Jan 10, 2018 20:43:06 GMT -5
I suppose it depends on what your plans are for the near future. I agree that when you're on your own, it's easy to be a minimalist. I have no problem fitting everything into a suitcase and a backpack when I take extended trips. I guess I do envision a pretty steep pare down. I'm a bit of a pack-rat. The catharsis of shedding my stuff (college memorabilia, old books, broken stuff I would fix someday) as I shed the marriage seems apt. Whatever your definition of "entertaining", it will be more difficult to have a guest if you're sharing a place vs. having your own. a) I will certainly ask my prospective roommate-landlord their policy on this before I sign a lease. b) I figure I wasn't going to be dating hot-and-heavy right away, and I envision the roommate/rental thing only for a year or two anyways. c) The waterfront property boasted a gourmet kitchen. If I had to choose (for a year) between "gourmet kitchen but no overnight guests" and "tiny galley kitchen with outdated appliances", I think I'd chose the former. I'll simply set up my dating profile to read: "will dazzle you in the kitchen at my place, as long as you'll let me dazzle you in the bedroom at your place."
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Post by choosinghappy on Jan 10, 2018 21:20:53 GMT -5
Dan I like it. But perhaps when talking to a potential new suitor about your skills in the bedroom, don’t use the word “dazzle”. 😆
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Post by Dan on Jan 10, 2018 21:27:37 GMT -5
Dan I like it. But perhaps when talking to a potential new suitor about your skills in the bedroom, don’t use the word “dazzle”. 😆 You think I should stop using glitter down there???
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Post by DryCreek on Jan 10, 2018 21:50:43 GMT -5
I guess I do envision a pretty steep pare down. I'm a bit of a pack-rat. The catharsis of shedding my stuff (college memorabilia, old books, broken stuff I would fix someday) as I shed the marriage seems apt. I'm with ya. After 20+ years in the same house, it'd be tough for me to move, let alone downsize. I'm challenged with many areas of interest, each with their own inventory of stuff. (Just because I can live without it doesn't mean I want to get rid of it permanently. Or pay for a storage locker. #dilemmas) c) The waterfront property boasted a gourmet kitchen. If I had to choose (for a year) between "gourmet kitchen but no overnight guests" and "tiny galley kitchen with outdated appliances", I think I'd chose the former. Makes sense, given other options. Just remember to add "win lottery" to your to-do list, and then you'll have more choices!
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Post by misssunnybunny on Jan 10, 2018 22:00:17 GMT -5
I found it relatively easy to downsize; it was cathartic to get rid of things I didn't need/use. Moving into a place half the size of the house where I lived was a relief (less to clean, heat/cool, etc). As it got closer to me leaving, I found that I lost the emotional connection to my old place; it turned from a home into just a house. Knowing what options were out there helped so much, and finding the right place to settle on my own helped ease the transition.
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Post by Dan on Jan 10, 2018 22:05:57 GMT -5
FWIW Brother Dan - and based on my experience - as you tick each box (like legal advice, support network, how you'd help kids thru the transition etc) it all starts to get real. Uncomfortably and intimidatingly real. And you get to a point where you realise "hey, this is do-able". Makes a lot of sense, baza . That seems to be the path I'm treading. In fact, I propose we name this phenominon: "BBTT", for "Baza's Box-Ticking Theory". I found it relatively easy to downsize; it was cathartic to get rid of things I didn't need/use. ... As it got closer to me leaving, I found that I lost the emotional connection to my old place; it turned from a home into just a house. I hearby amend by proposed name for this "get used to the idea of divorce" strategy to The Baza-Bunny Box-Ticking/Box-Trashing Technique...
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Post by misssunnybunny on Jan 10, 2018 22:07:46 GMT -5
Dan I like it. But perhaps when talking to a potential new suitor about your skills in the bedroom, don’t use the word “dazzle”. 😆 You think I should stop using glitter down there??? Yes.
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Jan 11, 2018 0:36:29 GMT -5
Good thinking. I spent some time yesterday looking at options, such as an apartment, mobile home in a nice area, and foreclosed houses I could pick up cheap. I like your idea. Oddly, I talked to my wife, and after realizing that her total maintenance would be less than her current play money, she completely forgot that she had told me I needed to move out. Its amazing brother ironhamster that the realisation of one's ATM drying up can cause a sudden bout of convenient amnesia.
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