Justified or just a bitch?
Nov 8, 2017 17:50:36 GMT -5
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lwoetin, Vitruvius, and 6 more like this
Post by workingonit on Nov 8, 2017 17:50:36 GMT -5
I feel like similar things like this have been posted before. But now that I'm in it it feels so confusing.
Most of you on here know I have had a bad sex life for 17 years with no sex for 8 years and no affection, kissing and holding for 3 years. Over the last three years I have tried countless times to engage my husband in this work and he's ignored me.I have cried myself to sleep countless times. Over the last year-and-a-half I have been working on myself in therapy and with friends and support. I have come to a place where I am more empowered for myself and realizing I can no longer live like this.
This summer my husband agreed to doing weekly date nights as opposed to doing therapy. The rule of date night has been that we have to speak about ourselves and our relationship and not about all the other things we like to give our attention to. About 3 weeks (right when I brought up the word d and vaguely mentioned a rational exit with reasonble timeline thought I was having) ago my husband suddenly realized what is going on. He suddenly WOKE UP and said "I cannot believe I have put you in so much pain for these last 8 years. I really fucked up." He agreed to therapy which we started and have done two sessions.
Now suddenly he is completely obsessed with fixing our marriage. He sends me texts all day long, emails, little notes in my car telling me how much he loves me. He's suddenly paying attention to things around the house that need doing or asking about my day- something he doesn't generally do. He offers to shop-
something else he never does. For years he has set up his schedule so he is out teaching most weeknights. This week he said "I miss you- I just realized I am out all week at night and never get time with you."
Well I am glad he finally sees my pain and it was gratifying to get a sincere apology. BUT I am finding his attention and his declarations of love annoying as all hell! They feel insincere after so long without them. I don't know what is wrong with me but I find it irritating. I'm not reciprocating and that makes me feel like I'm being a b****. He will even say to me "I don't feel like you are all in." I respond that is because I am not. I'm angry and hurt. He is acting like we did like he did when we dated. But it just highlights how long it's been since he's paid any real attention to me.
So am I crazy for finally getting the thing that I wanted and not wanting it anymore? Am I being a bitch for taking his sappy love speeches with what must look like a resting bitch face? And not giving any return love? Is there a way out of this hell? How should I react when he does all of these nice things?
I feel like I am the problem suddenly!! It is fucking with my head!!
I feel like in the face of starvation my desire and partly my love for him has died. Has anyone here been able to get past their hurt and anger to fall in love with their refuser again?
Am I right to feel this way? Or just a righteous bitch who asks and asks and doesn't want what she ask for?
Most of you on here know I have had a bad sex life for 17 years with no sex for 8 years and no affection, kissing and holding for 3 years. Over the last three years I have tried countless times to engage my husband in this work and he's ignored me.I have cried myself to sleep countless times. Over the last year-and-a-half I have been working on myself in therapy and with friends and support. I have come to a place where I am more empowered for myself and realizing I can no longer live like this.
This summer my husband agreed to doing weekly date nights as opposed to doing therapy. The rule of date night has been that we have to speak about ourselves and our relationship and not about all the other things we like to give our attention to. About 3 weeks (right when I brought up the word d and vaguely mentioned a rational exit with reasonble timeline thought I was having) ago my husband suddenly realized what is going on. He suddenly WOKE UP and said "I cannot believe I have put you in so much pain for these last 8 years. I really fucked up." He agreed to therapy which we started and have done two sessions.
Now suddenly he is completely obsessed with fixing our marriage. He sends me texts all day long, emails, little notes in my car telling me how much he loves me. He's suddenly paying attention to things around the house that need doing or asking about my day- something he doesn't generally do. He offers to shop-
something else he never does. For years he has set up his schedule so he is out teaching most weeknights. This week he said "I miss you- I just realized I am out all week at night and never get time with you."
Well I am glad he finally sees my pain and it was gratifying to get a sincere apology. BUT I am finding his attention and his declarations of love annoying as all hell! They feel insincere after so long without them. I don't know what is wrong with me but I find it irritating. I'm not reciprocating and that makes me feel like I'm being a b****. He will even say to me "I don't feel like you are all in." I respond that is because I am not. I'm angry and hurt. He is acting like we did like he did when we dated. But it just highlights how long it's been since he's paid any real attention to me.
So am I crazy for finally getting the thing that I wanted and not wanting it anymore? Am I being a bitch for taking his sappy love speeches with what must look like a resting bitch face? And not giving any return love? Is there a way out of this hell? How should I react when he does all of these nice things?
I feel like I am the problem suddenly!! It is fucking with my head!!
I feel like in the face of starvation my desire and partly my love for him has died. Has anyone here been able to get past their hurt and anger to fall in love with their refuser again?
Am I right to feel this way? Or just a righteous bitch who asks and asks and doesn't want what she ask for?