tori
Junior Member
Posts: 89
Age Range: 41-45
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Post by tori on Dec 1, 2017 7:39:04 GMT -5
@workingonit smoke and mirrors. Your husband’s excuses- intimidation, inexperience etc. is exactly what my H used to feed me he tried to make me feel that I was this sexual beast that no man could satisfy. Then he used the old ED excuse. We tried counseling and just like your H he really put on a show he was a wizard of words but when it came down action....NOTHING. It’s was all for show and a manipulation tactic to keep me controlled and hopeful. Then I found out he was sleeping with men. I’m not saying this is the case with your H. Like greatcoastal I think said earlier...it’s classic NPD behavior. Gaslighting,DARVO keeping up the illusion of a healthy relationship for his own benefit. Stay ahead of these mind fucks!
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Post by M2G on Dec 1, 2017 10:03:28 GMT -5
A beast! Exactly how I feel too! At this point once a month would be a Godsend and I'm a Beast! Well put tori
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Post by ironhamster on Dec 1, 2017 10:53:36 GMT -5
They have no clue what a real sexual "beast" could do to them. IJS...
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Post by brian on Dec 2, 2017 6:24:05 GMT -5
Lmao about being a sexual beast. On Tuesday morning I forgot my wallet in the morning and had to retrieve it. When I got home, roomie was in the shower. I left and went to work. When I noticed that she had left me a text msg to inform me about my wallet, I texted back that I just wanted a plausible excuse to see her hot, wet, naked body, which I thought was a playful play on words about her being in a hot shower and zero expectations as I was at work. Anyway, fast forward to last night (3 days later). Her flight was late and I was going to pick her up at the airport, so I texted her that, if her plane was much later, that by the time we got home it would be time to bed me. Her response? “Don’t keep the pressure so high.”
For those who know my backstory, you know that I purposely humor myself by making these comments to her. I pretty much know what the response is going to be, but I find it fun to see what great heights she takes things. High pressure?!? You ain’t seen high pressure honey. 😂
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tsm
Junior Member
Posts: 44
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Post by tsm on Dec 2, 2017 6:37:38 GMT -5
Sounds familiar....
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Post by greatcoastal on Dec 2, 2017 10:40:16 GMT -5
I can hear that cranky, bitchy, voice inside her head as she texts you " that's all you ever think about!!!"
Her derailed one track mind.
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Post by M2G on Dec 2, 2017 11:26:17 GMT -5
@ggold Thank you for your perspective and kudos for getting clarity on what you need. I feel like if my h were still ignoring the problem I would have that clarity too. It is real. He is obsessed and having insights and changing behaviors. Will they last? IDK. I don't really think we can change 17 years of unhealthy patterns but he is trying. I am weary of this process. I am doing my work. Taking one step at a time. Trying just to be present and honest with the process. We'll see what happens. Back on topic though - J, you have a head start on me by 20 years - run with it!!! The trick, or one trick, are reminders throughout the day (in my case audio books when driving back and forth to work) to keep the mind on the goal & the tasks at hand. Otherwise the daily grind WILL obfuscate the efforts to change in very short order. It can be 3x5 cards in specific locations, a note in the wallet (a smiley face in the underwear?) - whatever works.
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Post by workingonit on Dec 3, 2017 7:55:17 GMT -5
Thanks @ miles2go One of the things that is happening now as I am engaging in this work quite seriously is that I am seeing my own fault. It does not absolve him in anyway. But there is a part of this that is my doing and I am digging into that. It is seriously painful and hard to face.
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Post by M2G on Dec 3, 2017 9:18:32 GMT -5
Thanks @ miles2go One of the things that is happening now as I am engaging in this work quite seriously is that I am seeing my own fault. It does not absolve him in anyway. But there is a part of this that is my doing and I am digging into that. It is seriously painful and hard to face. Indeed it is - here's one from my journal: PS: Don't come home every day thinking that <W's> good mood will pick me up. It is not <W's> JOB to babysit my moods. If I want to come home to a smile I need to bring one with me, when I come through the door.
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