|
Post by mescaline on Jun 16, 2018 11:29:00 GMT -5
I really like the word acquiescence!
|
|
|
Post by mescaline on Jun 15, 2018 15:49:08 GMT -5
Interesting way of looking at it Lonelywifey. Is it more about the passive/active element of it then?
Resignation suggests no action, acceptance is almost being objective and realising that you can't change some things, but you still have significant control (over yourself for example).
In which case I am resigned to my wife's feelings and accepting of my marriage.
|
|
|
Post by mescaline on Jun 15, 2018 14:24:38 GMT -5
Is there really any difference between acceptance as resignation in a SM? Surely it's just a case of slight semantics. Resignation is acceptance with a passive and slightly negative connotation.
As has been said many times staying and accepting and staying and resigning are still choices either way.
|
|
|
Post by mescaline on Jun 15, 2018 12:47:04 GMT -5
Forgot to say, thanks Northstar for the thread!
|
|
|
Post by mescaline on Jun 15, 2018 12:46:17 GMT -5
I'm staying for the kids, not so they get the benefit of me and my wife living together, but purely selfishly as otherwise I would be a none resident parent. I don't know if setting a bad marriage example is better or worse than only seeing them during the day EOW or in evenings, but that is my Hobsons choice.
When we can afford to run two households then will be crunch time. In the meantime I'm working on acceptance. It's difficult and I often catch myself with a degree of hope that things will change. But those moments are decreasing as time goes on. Helped a lot by you lot here.
|
|
|
Post by mescaline on Jun 9, 2018 14:40:41 GMT -5
The trick is to always keep an eye on the cost/benefit analysis of the situation. Then at least you can recognise when the latter is outweighed by the former.
Of course you do need to be completely objective about it and we all know how hard that is. ILIASM provides me with that objectivity better than anything else!
|
|
|
Post by mescaline on Jun 9, 2018 14:36:53 GMT -5
Also, wise words Greatcoastal. You're right about it being so obviously the truth.
|
|
|
Post by mescaline on Jun 9, 2018 14:36:02 GMT -5
Got our 10th wedding anniversary next week and I feel your pain shopping for cards. Present was easy, but finding a card that doesn't mention love or sex is nye in impossible!
May have to get a blank one and write about what a good mother she is. Card companies are missing a few tricks here.
|
|
|
Post by mescaline on Jun 8, 2018 14:45:31 GMT -5
I can't put a value on being able to live with and to see my kids on a daily basis. They are the reason I stay.
A comfortable life doesn't equate to possessions, being able to afford certain experiences, having social kudos. It's about being happy with yourself. My SM makes me unhappy, I need to get out, just not yet!
|
|
|
Post by mescaline on Jun 8, 2018 11:51:08 GMT -5
Ignoring? No. Avoiding yes, I find it an effective coping strategy. I've got quite good at rarely being alone and awake with her.
Her actions, rather than her voice are what tells me the truth about how she feels, unfortunately I'm the same.
|
|
|
Post by mescaline on May 26, 2018 14:42:34 GMT -5
My goal is acceptance, I feel as if I'm approaching it and look forward to that contentment!
Thanks for the thread OP, it was needed.
|
|
|
Post by mescaline on May 26, 2018 14:40:46 GMT -5
My wife regularly says she loves me. It's the wrong kind of love though. I struggle to respond in kind, I hate being false. But I made this choice and I knew it wouldn't be easy. Cometh the hour...
|
|
|
Post by mescaline on May 26, 2018 14:37:26 GMT -5
I relish solitude, so being alone is fine, u don't feel the need to wear a mask or pretend to be something I'm not.
I'm most lonely when I'm with my wife without the kids, that's when it really hits home how little we have together outside of being part of the family unit.
|
|
|
Post by mescaline on May 21, 2018 23:53:16 GMT -5
Hi Phoenix, I get the "It's normal" thing too. It's a pointless argument as I think for them, they do consider it normal. There's nothing intrinsically wrong with that either. They just need to be with someone else who is happy with that normality.
Most of us here at ILIASM wouldn't fit that mould...
|
|
|
Post by mescaline on May 21, 2018 23:39:11 GMT -5
I really don't think she sees a SM as an issue, I think she really does believe it's normal. So me explaining my thoughts, feelings and perspectives is pointless, she cannot empathise You think so, eh? So, if you two split, you and she each believe that she'd never have sex again? Oh no, I don't believe that. I think she believes this is what happens in marriages, after kids. Sex is replaced by some other form of love/friendship maybe. I'm speculating though, I haven't ever really spoken to her it beyond her saying that our SM is "normal". It shuts the conversation down because the implication is that anyone who wants anything different is abnormal. A pretty loaded description. I'm hopeful that after we split (or before for that matter) she does find someone who she can be sexually happy with, but it's not a given of course, just like it isn't for me. We're just incompatible, for whatever reason I don't know, and I'm tired of trying to find out why.
|
|