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Post by twotimesone on Jul 27, 2018 1:17:01 GMT -5
For me, I think the problem is how women treat their husbands who play video games. I am not talking about men who can't hold their jobs, or have social problems because they play video games, but normal men who likes to play a few hours a day because it is their hobby. For me, I used to play about 3-4 hours of video games a day and maybe 5-6 hours during the weekends. My W used to whine to her friends about me being Childish and later our marriage suffered because we have fights over it. Now my 'hobby' is thinking all day about outsourcing while my W watches TV shows while ignoring me all night. So you tell me what's worse.
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Post by twotimesone on Jul 27, 2018 0:51:38 GMT -5
If I was a accomplished professional like a doctor or lawyer and a woman would come up to me about this, I think this would be a bad idea. I would think that this woman would be some kind of gold digger or something. If I was accomplished professional like a doctor, I would not need to go after some married woman with emotional baggage when I can just pay some woman in ashley madison for the same thing. iliasm.org/thread/3377/recruiting-married-woman-affairI've wrote up a thread about going after a woman which is of about equal social/economic standing and that might work. The woman whom I went after doesn't seem interested, so oh well.
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Post by twotimesone on Jan 25, 2018 12:43:48 GMT -5
My W used to threaten me with divorce all the time and now insult and belittling me all the time like a 7 year old. The other day when I was going to start eating dinner first my W mocks me about wanting to live by myself or something.
I heard somewhere and there's a narrative of many commercials and shows about dumb husband/smart wife to the point many women are brainwashed to that they know everything and they assume that men know how to read their minds. It is just so cliche about many women believe that they are not respected by men but it is really the other way around.
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Advise
Jan 23, 2018 16:13:04 GMT -5
Post by twotimesone on Jan 23, 2018 16:13:04 GMT -5
Having sex 2-3 times a week... I wish I can be in your shoes. For me, my W complains all the time that she's not in the mood and I am usually first to hear that she has a tummy ache or that time of the month. Maybe you should talk to your W about having weekend getaways or something without your kids. I told that to my W and she says "the kids are important and don't want to go anywhere without the kids." And, I am like you, similar age and don't want to leave the marriage either. Since you make lots of money and you live in NYC, you should consider outsourcing. If you want some pointers, I can PM you a place where you can search. What I make in NYC is not a lot, also long time ago I figured out that I am not interested in sex for money. Thanks I don't like to do sex for money also. But you don't seem to know the kind of desperation that people have to resort to this kind of act. I wish that I sleep with my W in the same bed let alone doing it 2-3 times a week or a month. Maybe if both of you are in some kind of disagreement, then both of you should seek counseling. My W don't think counseling is needed because she thinks I am the problem.
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Advise
Jan 23, 2018 11:28:25 GMT -5
Post by twotimesone on Jan 23, 2018 11:28:25 GMT -5
Having sex 2-3 times a week... I wish I can be in your shoes. For me, my W complains all the time that she's not in the mood and I am usually first to hear that she has a tummy ache or that time of the month. Maybe you should talk to your W about having weekend getaways or something without your kids. I told that to my W and she says "the kids are important and don't want to go anywhere without the kids." And, I am like you, similar age and don't want to leave the marriage either.
Since you make lots of money and you live in NYC, you should consider outsourcing. If you want some pointers, I can PM you a place where you can search.
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Post by twotimesone on Jan 16, 2018 7:17:36 GMT -5
Gees, only 16 months to 4 years in prison for a murder like that. That's justice for you.
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Post by twotimesone on Jan 8, 2018 17:51:13 GMT -5
I read somewhere that men are about 4-5 times likely to take their own lives than women. Another scary statistic is that men are 10 more likely to take their own lives than woman after a divorce. I do not want to be a likely statistic because I don't have alot of friends at this stage because I stopped seeing many of them after I got married.
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Post by twotimesone on Jan 8, 2018 11:52:47 GMT -5
... Throughout all of this he & I have remained close, kind to one another, we laugh all the time & we spend our lives dedicated to our 4 kids. Instead of my husband communicating his internal desires & gripes with me he was buying me gifts, sending lengthy emails, texts, audio messages, quotes & songs so how was I to know when I'm living in the day-to-day struggles that I was failing miserably at meeting his MOST IMPORTANT need? Of course I know that men need sex, but I allowed myself to get so caught up in the challenges of daily life I TOOK MY HUSBAND FOR GRANTED! I messed up TOO! I acknowledge this! .... I'm glad you wrote this and admit that you are part of the problem. Most women would dismiss this as their H's problem and put them in the doghouse or worse, get a divorce. Many married man would resort to using porn or even worse, risk on legal trouble by outsourcing. It is truly sad today that in today there are many commercials and shows geared towards women that they "deserve" to treat themselves but there is nothing geared for men. Men have feelings and needs fulfilled also. Heck I swore off porn for a few months while my then GF and I had some good sex then. For me I had to watch porn when the sex was infrequent and mediocre. Later start outsourcing when it was non-existent. I am not proud of it, but I am not ashamed of doing it either.
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Post by twotimesone on Jan 7, 2018 23:08:38 GMT -5
I hope Ricky would watch this "An Ear for Men" youtube video and realize that apologizing to NurseM is a mistake. NurseM is trying to shame on Ricky and Ricky lacks any backbone to justify why he did what he did. I am not saying that what Ricky did was right, but it is not 100% his fault nor it is any close to 50% for that matter.
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Post by twotimesone on Jan 7, 2018 21:37:42 GMT -5
Greatcoastal, Great thread. NurseM says that she is the victim here but I see that she is probably more of a problem in the marriage. Making your husband to be a slave in the household is a disaster waiting to happen. There's too much political correctness on how a husband should be but not much mentioned on duties as a wife should be. Unfortunately, there's too much "Happy Wife, Happy Life" BS running around and often times husbands are left in the wayside. Too many women think that a divorce or punishing your H will solve the problem but it will make it worse. That's a really interesting point. Earlier today, I was chatting with ballofconfusion on the phone about how several recent threads here are interrelated. What is a good age for the kids and divorce? How do we model marriage to our kids? And this one...how much should a husband kowtow to his wife in order to achieve marital bliss (i.e. happy wife happy life). Right now, ballofconfusion life 1300 miles apart and basically fly to see each other twice a month. That is an example of overcoming an obstacle because you desire someone. But one thing our 45 years of combined SM have taught us is patience. In 2 1/2 years, her youngest graduates high school. The current plan is at that point, she moves to Houston and we move in together. At that point, my son will be a sophomore in high school. ballofconfusion will not be a step mom. We won't be getting married, but my son will get to see something different than what he saw with his mother and I. He will see a couple treating each other with love and respect. He will come to expect that love and respect in the relationships he will have in his own life. If I had stayed on the "college plan" he would never have the opportunity to see how a loving relationship works. His only example would be "happy wife happy life" and as a result, be quite likely to fall into that same pattern. Pretty unhappy life, by the way. Well, fuck that. This, at least, is one area where I hope my son strays as far from my footsteps as he possibly can. What's interesting, though, is that this isn't some male big-dick, chest-pounding view. ballofconfusion is the one who pointed out how good this will be for him. Oh, and some of you may point out: "Shammy, you are talking about events that may or may not happen. After all, we are talking 2 1/2 years in the future." Fair enough. But keep in mind, I first started talking with ballofconfusion almost a year ago. We have been dating for about 6 months now, which is when we started talking about this plan. That means we're 1/6 of the way through the plan. Sure, anything can happen, but you know what? We have patience. I think we will make it. Baby, I love you. Yesterday, I had an incident with my wife that made me realize that I don't have a backbone against my wife. It was a cold day yesterday and my W hates the cold. I can do a 10 minute cold walk to school or me but my W wants to drive both me and my son to School so I can walk my son and drop him off. I told my W that I am not going and she is going to take him himself so I sent my son downstairs to the car. My W calls the house and screams at me to come downstairs so I did. After we come back into the house and of course her hands is cold and wants to put her hands in my armpits to get warm, I told her no and she screamed again. She could've put her hands on the heater and she would've been warm but I relented in doing this kind of charade. Later that night I was watching "An Ear for Men" in the youtube channel and I realized that I just don't have the backbone to stand up to this kind of BS. I told my W that I either me or my W will take my son to school, not both at the same time and she was fine. Let's see what's going to happen next week. But the thing is that in my marriage I really try to be accomodating to my W but sometimes if I let my W step all over me over this over this minor thing, deep inside my wife lose respect over me. Heck I lose respect over myself. The guy in the youtube channel says that women love men aholes because they can say no all the time and lose respect on the man who allows the woman who walks all over him. Maybe I should be that ahole. When I read the thread about how Ricky have to grovel and apologize about his "online affair" and NurseM seems to be berating her H about this, maybe Ricky should have a backbone too.
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Post by twotimesone on Jan 7, 2018 19:14:57 GMT -5
Greatcoastal, Great thread. NurseM says that she is the victim here but I see that she is probably more of a problem in the marriage. Making your husband to be a slave in the household is a disaster waiting to happen. There's too much political correctness on how a husband should be but not much mentioned on duties as a wife should be. Unfortunately, there's too much "Happy Wife, Happy Life" BS running around and often times husbands are left in the wayside. Too many women think that a divorce or punishing your H will solve the problem but it will make it worse.
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Post by twotimesone on Jan 7, 2018 10:03:07 GMT -5
Ok, for starters @account1 & NurseM ARE both me. I found ricky2669 post/s, (admittedly background searching his online activity & yes he was made aware of it, but underestimated my computer skills.) Furious & devastated at the content & remarks I mistakingly created 2 accts in an attempt to respond. I haven't taken the time to delete myaccount1. I apologize in advance for my wordy posts. In response to the comment that I, "chose to adopt a special needs child," I did not. I was never able to get pregnant due to my own infertility issues which resulted in my 1st husband of 17 yrs & I adopting him at birth. Regardless, it could always be worse & worse is not what comes to mind when I think of my son. He is actually, "higher functioning." I use that term loosely b/c he can talk. He does not have, "Classic Autism," he has approx 15 different diagnoses that collectively gives him the primary diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder & YES it is extremely challenging! Moving forward, I appreciate everyone taking time to provide feedback. ricky2669 is aware of my being on here & is ashamed of his throwing me to the wolves & allowing me to be pulled apart by many on all of his posts instead of protecting me. For those wondering I do have a personal history of sexual abuse & yes I have been to counseling earlier in life. I had infertility issues & have Crohn's disease. None of these define me anymore. Have they affected me? Yes. All but the Crohn's is my past & may explain the reason for some of my sexual dysfunction, but ricky2669 changed all of that for me. He is totally different than any other man I've ever been with. To lift him up for a minute he possesses unique characteristics not found in most men. He is attentive, caring, compassionate, a great listener, my bestfriend & hands down greatest lover I've EVER had. How he treated me from the beginning is what made me react towards him in a way I've never been towards a man. How could any person turn down such an amazing man even when exhausted or sick? I couldn't & I didn't. He fulfilled me in ways I never knew existed. Together we share a chemistry that could catch our surroundings on fire! What changed as I mentioned in my 2nd post is he is not one to follow through on things that matter a great deal to me. Women tend to believe we are showing love not just by sex, but by the hundreds of tasks we accomplish daily for our men & family, (even when they didn't ask us to in the first place.) Bottom line, men feel loved with sex & attention. Acknowledgment is one of the most important things I need from my partner aside from the obvious such as trust, emotional stability, the list goes on. ricky2669 provided that to me in the beginning. But as I made the critical mistake of taking on his responsibilities in addition to my own I expected him to step up then began to resent him when he didn't. I did go to him countless times & explained exactly what I needed from him. He made empty promises. After recovering financially from our previous divorces he has never owned a home so I did all the paperwork & we purchased one. He has a beautiful family, faithfully devoted wife, the truck he always dreamt of having & a wonderful career. He just didn't want to do the work it took to have a healthy sex life. I admit I fell into a depression. He disconnected by hyper focusing on his phone. Meanwhile I continued to burn myself out going from 1 child to 4 & everything else I mentioned in my previous posts. I do acknowledge he does do more things around the house than most men. ABSOLUTELY I have not chosen my battles wisely in our blended family. I thought I was going to be a stepmother I had no idea I was going to become a primary parent because of her absenteeism & I sank! I had the best intentions & I failed miserably. I trusted him & I admit we only had sex 6 times in that yr, (not twice as he stated.) My religion does warn if you withhold yourself from your husband you will tempt him. I honestly did not do it as a form of punishment, but I do admit I was not connecting with him because he was not meeting my needs. September 2017 he admitted to having an online affair that lasted approximately 6 weeks. We went to counseling, I gave it my all & we got back on track with things being better than ever & our sex life amazing. But given the opportunity to lay everything on the table so that we could move forward he still had not been completely honest. Knowing in my heart & given his history of lying, I just couldn't find closure. I needed the whole truth in order to leave thing's in the past, which in turn led me to this site. Yesterday he finally admitted to having an online affair on & off for a YEAR, as well as browsing the dating ads on Craigslist. He adamantly denies ever having a physical affair with anyone. & to be honest the only time we're apart is when we are at work. This has created a MAJOR setback! He cheated & he lied! I was willing to forgive him, but because he had not been completely honest before, now, 3 months after the fact this bombshell lands in our lives. I probably should have let things go but my gut instinct fueled me to find the truth. At the very least I deserve that much. He admitted he took me for granted. He made a horrible decision & realizes just how much he hurt me & would never do that again. He doesn't want a divorce. If any other woman told me my story I would have told her to leave him!! If capable of all this then I wouldn't believe he had not had a physical affair. But I stand to lose the man I have loved so deeply for 4 yrs & his 3 children. Regardless of my faults he agrees I am NOT responsible for his poor choices. He chose to do this instead of putting in the effort to help make our marriage successful. He did the exact same thing in his last marriage so can a man change if he's spent 41 yrs leading a double life? I'm going to make an opinion from my experience as a H in the marriage so some of you ladies might be offended. You mentioned that you take care of the kids and it really stresses you out. Have you asked your husband to help out and or even have someone else like a family or friend to help you take care of the kids? Oh wait, nobody can be a better mommy than me. So much so that you can't be a wife to your husband. For me, I asked my W numerous times of why can't we take the kids to a friend and family members while we go out for a few hours. Sometimes to be in control of your life, you have to give control to others and you don't seem like you have that covered. Have you ever thought why men go on "online affairs"? Search around to the internet and most people including me, says they do that to actually stay in the marriage. For me, I was so frustrated that I am not getting any at home because my W abstained sex all the time that I outsource. The easiest way for a H to have these "online affairs" is to start 'punishing' your husband by withholding sex. You can blame him for having an "online affair" but the chicken before the egg question is if you had denied him in sex. If you had, then you are equally as much as fault as him for doing this. I doubt that you H wants to marry any one of the women or wants to dump you for them. Otherwise, your H will be talking to a lawyer instead of going to craigslist.
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Post by twotimesone on Jan 6, 2018 23:45:40 GMT -5
Isolina, I don't think there is a real answer to your question. However, to most counselors I would think if there is physical abuse involved is a definite yes. For others, the foundation for a divorce is already there, but needs a right catalyst. For example in my parent's divorce I recall that my Dad say something insensitive about to my Mom after her mom (my Grandma) passed away. That's just speaking from personal experience.
Isolina, when I say "foundation for a divorce" is that my assumption is that you are already thought about it and somehow planned it but not yet ready to say yes about it. For me, I rather not get to details, let's just say I got to legal trouble because how my W badmouths me to my kids and an incident happened as a result of it. Because of that legal trouble, I had to receive counseling and he knew the problem is really with the marriage itself. My wife always thinks that I am the problem and she doesn't want to admit that she is part of the problem.
At this point, there's really no point in trying to 'fix' the marriage and I am just building the "foundation for a divorce. I love my kids despite how my wife badmouths me in front of them and I will probably stay until the kids are off to college.
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Post by twotimesone on Jan 2, 2018 18:18:16 GMT -5
“We will never retire, so not worried about that one!“‘ Live long enough and at some point you or your spouse is likely to become disabled and unable to work. It is naive to think that won’t happen. Depending on luck and how well you take care of your life now, the period of infirmity is likely to be from 6 months to several years before dying. Thus, one of you is very likely to have to take care of the other due to the other’s strokes, dementia, breathing or heart problems, arthritis or cancer. I’m 66 and see my peers getting deblilitated: cancer, heart disease, Parkinson’s, MS, diabetes are just a few of the illnesses friends in their 50s, 60s and 70s have been diagnosed with. For some work, even part time, is not possible or eventually will not be. My ex got kidney cancer 2 years after our divorce. If you are staying with your mate due to financial fear, ask yourself if caring for them or their caring for you is more tolerable than having less money. Consider whether a drastic step like bankruptcy would be worth being responsible only for your own life.. I’ve been with Post sm partner 4.5 years. He had a heart attack several years before we started dating. He had a ruptured colon 2 years into our relationship. While he is doing well now, I know it’s likely I’ll have to take care of him some day. I love him and would do that willingly and lovingly. I would not have felt that way about my ex. My father-in-law was declared incompetent mentally and unable to care for himself - ended up in a retirement home and that is nothing short of a cash hemorrhage. Lots of times, no matter how large the nest egg, spouses become impoverished and end up on public assistance - everything they ever worked for, stripped away. The state you live in, determines how all this is handled. Here in NY its a complete farce. They go through past finances (up to 5 years of "look-back") and "demerit you" for spending money on vacations, cars, whatever it may be - then penalize you for spending even if it was done before or without any hint of illness at the time. Absolute financial nightmare for the family. In planning for the end, along with cemetery plots I would strongly recommend consulting and elder law attorney. The state people, will often make (illegal) demands for quick action in liquidating the estate, and may people get fleeced for not knowing the law. Let the lawyer deal with the state, and handle power of attorney issues. My W was so relieved to be able to tell the bastards: "Sorry, you'll need to talk to my attorney." The attorney, was also able to shield a decent amount of cash, as well as protect the life insurance policies. Best policy in NY State: Drop dead suddenly from seeming perfect health. For me I am planning on earning and saving as much money as possible and retiring early without my wife. With the kids and all, I think it is short term pain and long term gain. I am not planning to live in the states and live in some 3rd world country as an dirty old man. At my age the extreme cold weather cause my skin to dry up and won't heal until the weather gets warmer.
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Post by twotimesone on Jan 2, 2018 10:22:05 GMT -5
You're preaching to the choir my friend. This BS about 'mommy knows best' has to stop. Not to mention she gets brainwashed by soap operas by this "happy wife, happy life" BS mentality makes me sick. I get berated by my W over these minute things all the time and I just grow despondent about this.
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