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Post by twotimesone on Jan 28, 2020 11:17:43 GMT -5
Umm, Late 80's early 90's? Gees, does your equipment work in that stage?
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Post by twotimesone on Dec 25, 2019 22:43:41 GMT -5
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Post by twotimesone on Nov 23, 2019 8:04:20 GMT -5
At least you W wants to work it out even though you don't want to. I've asked my W to go to counseling and she refuses to because she things I am the problem and I have to change, whatever that means. If she says that she wants to work things out then she is probably open to counseling, perhaps both of you should go. For me, I always I wanted to go on couple trips without the kids in order to try to rekindle the relationship and she makes up an excuse that she wants to bring the kids along. Now she went on the a trip by herself without me leaving babysitting the kids. I don't make as much money as you but I am planning go for a grey divorce. Divorce and then go for early retirement and get away from it all. Finance is key as I am planning to be there for my kids as a divorce will be costly financially. But as you say, living in a separate home will be costly. The answer is not easy but at least your W wants to work out the marriage.
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Post by twotimesone on Oct 2, 2019 13:22:14 GMT -5
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Post by twotimesone on Sept 12, 2019 15:05:00 GMT -5
So, I'm going along in life and think I've got my forced celibacy acceptance all lined up neatly where I can manage it. Great. Then, something goes awry in the marriage. It doesn't have to be big. Something small even like criticizing my Kebab (that isn't innuendo, she hasn't seen my "Kebab" in a long time) and then complaining about money. Now suddenly I'm in a huge funk over something so stupid. All of the component pieces of the marriage are now thrown off the game board and I have to figure out how to lay them out again. The roommate analogy is back in my head. We're just roomies with shared accounts. What's the point? There's no intimacy or bond to pull us back together, I just want to be elsewhere. Ugh. Do we, the stayers, believe that having an intimate life would help weather the small stuff? I know what you mean, my friend. I thought that I could handle living in celibacy myself with my ExRefuser as a roommate. But a real roommate relationship is different. When I was in college, I had a roommate. We each had our own bedrooms, we would come & go as we pleased, and if we wanted to fuck someone, we could bring her into our bedroom and lock the door. But when my ExRefuser was my roommate, I paid for everything, she kept all of her income in a separate account, she demanded that I account for all of my time, and she still wrote checks out of our "joint" account while she kept every penny she made. I hope your situation is not as bad as mine was. You wouldn't call each other roommates when each person have their own bedrooms... Housemates would be more of an appropriate word.
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Post by twotimesone on Sept 9, 2019 15:59:27 GMT -5
I wrote up a thread some time ago about "Women's Infidelity, living in limbo." and a few women here didn't have exactly have a positive response about what I said. I think alot of women get away with it because many men trust their wives but not the other way around. Personally, for me, I don't fully trust my W.
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Post by twotimesone on May 15, 2019 15:48:57 GMT -5
I am confident SOME women get bored with the same sexual play script some men carry out during sexual play. I have read that comment from several women. My W liked some different approaches to sexual play but at the same time didn't like some of the things I tried. It became darned if I did what worked well in the past and darned if I did something new that I thought would work but she didn't like. Te end result was me not doing many new things because i didn't like the negativity my W displayed when I sometimes tried something a little different. I had a female poster on another forum explain that she and other women liked men that were a bit adventurous, so I tried this forum woman's advice with mixed results. Some ideas worked in the moment but my W had some negative comments to add the next day. The followup day's negative comments gradually reduced my motivation to try very many new things. In general my W had the opinion men got and women gave something during sexual activities. That was a difficult thing for me to contend with. I looked at sexual activity as a give-get for both sides.
Twotimesone The author of the book mentions that many women in this situation are stuck on step #1. They don't necessarily cheat or have affairs because they think it is immoral yet they are "bored" with the same sex partner. [/b][/div]
I am going to agree with the idea women don't lie to cheat. I ran into this when I talked with women that are single. The brought up the idea of not wanting to do much with a married guy (me in this case) because they had internal standards against affairs with married men.
There are a small number of women in SM that might entertain a relationship with a man also in a SM, but I haven't encountered any of those women. Add to that are two common factors, how charming is the man and how much "play money" he has to devote to the affair.
[/quote] Assuming that would be true. My W don't tell me what she wants and expects me to guess. I asked her if she wants to have some alone time between us and she doesn't seem to be too entertained. I can to so much in trying to ask if she wants to do anything exciting but if she is not subjective to what she wants, I will just stop to bother asking. I do believe there's a difference between asking a single woman and a married woman who is bored in the marriage about the morality of cheating. I'm sure that a single woman would never thought about such a thing whereas a woman who is bored would be tempted.
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Post by twotimesone on May 15, 2019 8:38:14 GMT -5
Great article Handy...I suspect this may have been a problem in my relationship over the years. Leading up to my marriage I knew my W had many sexual partners...you could probably characterize her behavior before marriage as even "slutty". I have tried the variety of recommended things...role play, toys...etc. She does seem warm to any of them. It may just come down to me...she is bored with the same old guy. I would not be opposed to opening the marriage provided there were ground rules if I was convinced it would help our sexual relationship. It just goes back to what I said about in this thread. The author of the book mentions that many women in this situation are stuck on step #1. They don't necessarily cheat or have affairs because they think it is immoral yet they are "bored" with the same sex partner. So interest in sex with the same partner has diminished thus the reason for the SM. Like I said, I am not saying that it applies to all women, but some women.
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Post by twotimesone on Apr 26, 2019 14:27:08 GMT -5
A wedding is an overpriced expense. I know of couples who have spent big on the wedding only to have their marriage fail quickly after. No offense to you ladies, but women tend to look forward to the wedding much more than the marriage. Hey now, please don't lump us all in together! Actually, I agree with you in the main, far too many women seem crazy about the dress and the attention rather than the groom. But, there are just a few of us who hate fuss and think the sums of money involved are ridiculous. If I could be persuaded to marry again I would insist on no-one but the groom and I at the ceremony (preferably without telling anyone about the event), somewhere pretty for the service and an astonishing honeymoon where I could bask in simply being alone with him . Sharing your life with someone you adore is the prize, right? "If I could be persuaded to marry again" is just an afterthought. I'm sure that most women whom are married the first time would want that 'once in a lifetime' experience.
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Post by twotimesone on Apr 25, 2019 9:08:47 GMT -5
Someone in the family I barely know got married. It was a 2 day affair. Dress price up there, Big tent alongside the Hudson River north of NYC. I wouldn't be surprised it cost $30K or more. The bride's family has big bucks. People fly in from the west coast. Thirty days after the big show, the new brides said she was done and moves to live with her AP. A wedding is an overpriced expense. I know of couples who have spent big on the wedding only to have their marriage fail quickly after. No offense to you ladies, but women tend to look forward to the wedding much more than the marriage.
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Post by twotimesone on Apr 18, 2019 14:52:45 GMT -5
I'm curious, did you talk to your H about this? It could be ED problems or some kind of problems that you should talk to a counselor about? If he loves you enough, he will go. I have tried to talk to him but he gets angry and shuts down. I know that you are in the stage whether if you are thinking of outsourcing or just go thru the whole process of divorcing. You probably think to yourself that this is something immoral thing to outsource, get nervous even thinking about it and you believe it is against your conscience of doing it. I recall that in the first few times that I did it, I got the jitters. Fortunately, it will get easier for you. It had helped me somewhat, I didn't go around and being disgruntled about the SM thing and just take it for the way it is.
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Post by twotimesone on Apr 18, 2019 10:49:36 GMT -5
I'm curious, did you talk to your H about this? It could be ED problems or some kind of problems that you should talk to a counselor about? If he loves you enough, he will go.
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Post by twotimesone on Apr 17, 2019 13:24:43 GMT -5
It really depends on what you want. I've been outsourcing with women because of the same needs as you mentioned. As of now I have no intention to leaving my W. But you are emotionally care about the other person, maybe you should think about leaving.
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Post by twotimesone on Apr 17, 2019 8:18:12 GMT -5
If you are into "why chasing" then these linked articles are a good read. If you are not into "why chasing" then they aren't. Your spouse may have a really good reason for not wanting sex with you. OTOH they may have no really good reason for not wanting sex with you. Either way, they do not want sex with you. If you know the "why" you have 3 options. Stay, cheat or leave. If you don't know the "why" you have 3 options. Cheat, leave or stay. If you can only guess as to the "why" you have 3 options. Leave, stay or cheat. Whether you know "why" your spouse doesn't want sex with you or not, it doesn't create an additional choice. And it is from this point that we all start equal, whether the "why" is known or not. Baza, I think the problem in the society is that Men decides who to out with and potentially pick their wives, not the other way around. IMO, as the result women tend to have "buyer's remorse" when the woman decided to get married to the guy. I could sense it with my W a few years after we got married. I don't mind that, at least she can be honest with me about it. Instead, she chose to hold back on the relationship and make it look as if it was my problem instead. living.thebump.com/save-marriage-regret-marrying-spouse-10578.htmlThis article has a survey 57% of women regretting to marrying their husbands.
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Post by twotimesone on Apr 16, 2019 23:20:30 GMT -5
I feel like the person in Anonymous, 42 from Florida. My Dad was an controlling bully while my mom was abusive too but she wants to stay. I knew that they are going to divorce, I was so surprised that they stayed well until my 30's when they decided to divorce over a stupid little thing. My other siblings don't want anything to do with my Dad anymore except me because I believe it is an obligation as family. My Dad doesn't have alot of friends because he tries to take advantage of them so he really has few people to rely on and I only do the minimum stuff that he needs.
So I learned from my mom that a marriage is about commitment and duty. Love and romance is just something on the side if everything is okay.
In the early part of my marriage when my kids are young my W for got pissed at me and took the kids decided to drive to my In laws place. And no, I wasn't cheating or being abusive at the time. My In laws don't understand why she did it and won't tell them either. In the later years things has gotten a little better where we less drama in the house but I was already checked out of the marriage by then.
I really want to give an good impression for the kids so I don't want to get alienated with the kids by the time we divorce. Heck, my W used to tell my kids that I am the 'bad dad. ' Maybe my W and I will reconcile by then. But if I were to live in the same kind of SM by then, I am definitely out.
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