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Post by twotimesone on Jun 16, 2017 14:00:21 GMT -5
Maybe you should be more direct in asking what you want first instead of sending that letter.
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Post by twotimesone on Jun 16, 2017 13:43:37 GMT -5
I don't see you as a refuser. You may be refusing sex but in my opinion a refuser also refuses to admit there is a problem and also refuses to work on that problem. The fact that you are here trying to make things better speaks volumes to me about you commitment to your spouse. That's just my two cents, for what it's worth. Best of luck on your end, I hope you find what you are looking for. I agree. She is probably more brave than most of us and actually admit that she has a problem.
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Post by twotimesone on Jun 11, 2017 12:42:54 GMT -5
Tiffanyc, maybe you should ask your husband to just go out for a dinner for "make up anniversary?"
Northstarmom, I begged her to go to a therapist/counselor and she doesn't think we need it a few years back when she denied me for a few months.
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Post by twotimesone on Jun 11, 2017 12:30:43 GMT -5
Lol, get plenty of this starfish sex and she usually gives me a condom and askes me to get over with all the time. Often she doesn't even have the mood to do it.
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Post by twotimesone on Jun 11, 2017 12:16:29 GMT -5
I do agree with greatcoastal here. Husbands are not mindreaders. If you hate them they will know probably sense it but often you don't know why. If you really want him to do something for your anniversary, you should ask. Not that romantic, but at least you get what you want. Yes, I took for granted that in the past he's always, or almost always is the one to do or suggest something. Since joining here I have seen or received good ideas and I'm working on how to apply them my way. Next year ILL come up with something. Hopefully by next anniversary things will be improved. I always asked my wife to go out and have someone to babysit the kids but my wife's complains "but I want to take the kids out otherwise they will leave and won't see them grow up." and I will be the first person to know that she has a period and other BS. One day I just stop asking because I will know the answer.
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Post by twotimesone on Jun 11, 2017 12:02:11 GMT -5
I do agree with greatcoastal here. Husbands are not mindreaders. If you hate them they will know probably sense it but often you don't know why. If you really want him to do something for your anniversary, you should ask. Not that romantic, but at least you get what you want.
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Post by twotimesone on Jun 10, 2017 12:37:05 GMT -5
twotimesone , I dunno know. Is there a difference between hate and anger? In my situation, I would say that I was angry with myself. And I don't recall feeling hate toward the roommate. The difference now? I think I'm over being angry. ((Something I've been thinking a lot about the past few days; a post on topic is percolating, but didn't want to come off as preachy.)) Anger is if you got pissed off at someone and you will forget about in the next day. Hate is if you are still pissed off at someone next day.
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Post by twotimesone on Jun 10, 2017 10:31:53 GMT -5
Sorry I apologize about that. For me, my needs are mostly physical and not emotional. The last thing I need is another woman on my mind, although this might be what's happening if I decided to go after someone that I know. I mean if I can do it with the provider, come back home and hug my kids, I am happy enough, for now. I know I might risk getting caught one day and I am ready to face up the truth for better or worse. I don't want to dissuade you one way or another (I think the rent a pussy route is as legitimate as any other) but bear in mind I have heard of hackers that find your identity on escort sites and threaten to expose you in an extortion bid. Burner phones are a good idea but are not fool proof. Thanks for that. On the "questionable" websites that I register, I actually use this handle. And I register this with another email address which I only use for this purpose. Yes, I also have a burner cell phone that I use for hobbying. So Yes, I am trying to put a wall between my normal activities and questionable activities.
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Post by twotimesone on Jun 10, 2017 5:22:00 GMT -5
One thing that I learned that it takes alot to hate someone and wish that he/she dead. Sometimes I get angry and yell at others but having misplaced resentment is just not healthy for you. For me, my wife is pissed at me a few days back because a few days ago she was bothering me while I was playing online games so I raised my voice at her. It is more than a week and she is pissed off at me. I dunno, I'm not expecting any starfish sex anytime soon, like that matters.
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Post by twotimesone on Jun 10, 2017 4:45:30 GMT -5
Sorry I apologize about that. For me, my needs are mostly physical and not emotional. The last thing I need is another woman on my mind, although this might be what's happening if I decided to go after someone that I know. I mean if I can do it with the provider, come back home and hug my kids, I am happy enough, for now.
I know I might risk getting caught one day and I am ready to face up the truth for better or worse.
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Post by twotimesone on Jun 9, 2017 19:15:17 GMT -5
"Too late for a divorce as kids got in the way, but I am planning to once when my kids go or finish college. " If you really believe that you should not divorce now because of your kids, then you need to stop having extramarital sex. Has it not occurred to you that your kids could find out about your affairs? When I was a teen, I stumbled upon evidence that my dad was having an affair. I never told him. It was devastating to realize that the man I admired could do such a thing. I just want to back up what northstarmom is saying. When I was 11 my mother was murdered. The evidence pointed to 2 possibilities: either my dad did it or his AP did. I spent more time obsessing over the affair than the murder. To me the affair took my mommy away and dad was responsible. This stuff fucks with kids' minds like that. Fast forward to years of SM. I now understand where ol dad was coming from (affair not murder) and know full well I would have done the same thing (affair not murder). So if your gonna keep cheating you gotta man up and figure out a way to come clean with the kids before they find out. Short of that I would NOT tell the wife. She's made it none of her business. The question is what is the difference between an affair and getting your fix. Look, I really do try to cover my tracks when I go to these web sites and going to these providers. If you are suggesting that I should off my wife, you gotta be crazy. I don't hate her, geez, why do people think of such a thing.
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Post by twotimesone on Jun 9, 2017 16:23:58 GMT -5
It is like that Mark Manson article referenced in a different thread today. In it, Manson notes that a lot of people 'want' things - say, to be rich. But they are not prepared to work 60+ hours a week, live frugally now, follow a disciplined investment strategy etc to bring this want into actuality. They are not prepared to do the work or pay the price. Like people in an ILIASM shithole want a great relationship. But they are not prepared to get out of the dud deal they are in so this want can be pursued. They are not prepared to do the work or pay the price. Not being prepared to do the work or pay the price is, of course, a perfectly valid choice. There is no point however, in complaining about the consequences of that choice. Except for spending hundreds each month for providers, I am pretty frugal and I do have alot of money saved up. I own an multifamily home which I am getting rent and is paid off and working at a decent job. I wish I could divorce but kids, child support could get pretty messy. It is cheaper for me to spend hundreds each month hobbying rather than getting a divorce. Believe it or not, I am pretty content with this decision but I just want to hear what others think. As for my wife, I don't think she is really want a relationship or open relationship either.
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Post by twotimesone on Jun 8, 2017 22:59:05 GMT -5
Two times one, I didn't say it's a great marriage. I said you are clinging to what looks to others like a great marriage. sounds like an unsatisfactory marriage to me. But you say divorce is out of the question.... You are stuck. I doubt that your wife will agree to your having sleepovers with your partner. She probably will opt for divorce while trashing your Rep. I know. At this point, it is not really trashing my rep. I have my friends. She has her friends. If I do get divorced my side of the family will be understanding. Another reason is financial reason. She will probably get the kids and I will be broke, even if I make twice the amount of money than her. At least I can hobby and we don't ask each other how much money do we have in the bank.
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Post by twotimesone on Jun 8, 2017 21:28:19 GMT -5
Thanks for replying everyone. Interesting set of answers here. Northstarmom, I'm not sure that this is a great marriage. I tried convincing her to go to couples therapy or some kind of counseling but she doesn't think we need it. Made a few suggestions about just me and her going out while having someone else watch the kids but she refused. I feel that we are more like housemates rather than a family at this point. Wife always blame on me on what's happening and badmouthing about me in front of the kids. Not abusive towards or hit my kids or my wife.
McRoomMate, worksforme2 probably more like a coping mechanism to me. At this point, I'm not really looking for love but rather a more emotional fulfilling experience rather than looking to get hitched with someone else.
smartkat, thanks for your response. I am trying to be discreet about it. At times I get off work early and just do my thing and get back home about 1 hour or 2 later and not tell my wife anything. She didn't see to care. Not sure what she thinks at this point. Thanks again.
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Post by twotimesone on Jun 7, 2017 4:19:27 GMT -5
Great forum, but curious what you guys think.
I rather not get to a long story about my marriage. Sex used to be good but the only thing that I get is starfish sex, if I beg my wife long enough. Too late for a divorce as kids got in the way, but I am planning to once when my kids go or finish college.
Probably in the last 2 years, I've been seeing providers who perform GFE sex and it has been keeping my sanity okay so far. Financially, I am doing okay, I have no debt and I go to do my hobby once or maybe twice a month. Plus my wife don't care what I do with my money as we have separate checking accounts.
The problem is that I am afraid of getting caught because of the time it takes to do the deed as well as taking public transportation of going to and back. Second, what if I want to stay in a place overnight? Do I tell her the truth? Just curious of your opinions. Thanks.
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