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Post by skguy on Jan 31, 2018 20:43:50 GMT -5
I never talk about it with my partner. I guess I brought it up years ago - and she used to apologize on occasion.
But it’s just not talked about. My wife is fairly fragile and it’s not worth getting into it.
A couple years ago I started getting really lonely. Missing intimacy, etc. I came on this site and had a wonderful online relationship, with someone wonderful. So that made feel wanted, and I loved making someone else feel special and wanted as well. So I didn’t even care anymore about discussing the elephant in the room anymore.
So I don’t even think about bringing up the subject with my wife. I realize we’re simply good friends and I guess I’ll just leave it that way. Maybe a cop out, but there has been past history that causes me to be very careful.
And also, now I’m not interested in sex with her. It’s gone too long. I don’t think I could get the feelings back. I’m also hurt because I believe my partner deserves to feel amazing- but not having her want anything makes me frustrated.
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Post by skguy on Dec 29, 2017 23:10:57 GMT -5
A tad brisk lately. I’m in sask. enjoying the deep freeze. Hmmmmm... looks like we're in the same boat, although at this exact moment you've got us beat by a few. Good times! Good times. Kill you dead kinda cold.
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Post by skguy on Dec 29, 2017 21:42:44 GMT -5
A tad brisk lately. I’m in sask. enjoying the deep freeze.
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Post by skguy on Oct 18, 2017 20:32:05 GMT -5
💉Tattoos..................... 0 💎Piercings.................. 0 👰Marriages................. 1 ✌Divorces................... 0 🚼Children.................... 1 😷Surgeries.................. 2 🔫Shot a gun............ yes ✌Quit a job..................yes ✈Flown on a plane......yes 🚙💨100+miles in a car.. yes 😨Gone zip lining.............no 😍Fell in love.................yes 🏃 Skipped school........no 👀👶Watched someone give birth? Yes 😯Watched someone die.......not quite- just right after 🚑Ridden in an ambulance... yes 🎤Sang karaoke........ no 🐶Had a pet(s)............Yes 🏂Been sledding on a big hill... a medium, no small hill. Yes 🎿Been downhill skiing..... yes 🚲💨Rode a motorbike....... yes. 🐴Rode a horse...........yes 🏥Stayed in a hospital........ yes 💉Donated blood.... yes 🚓Rode in the back of a police car...yes - really just two ride alongs. No scandalous behaviour
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Post by skguy on Aug 20, 2017 10:35:41 GMT -5
So I met this man in May he's 50, educated. He is a nice man and a responsible person. We had sex it was good not great, he thinks it's amazing. The entire month of June I blew him off. I did not see him. Ignored texts. I told him I do not feel a romantic connection. He was persistent and it turned me on so I agreed to go out with him again last Sunday. We had a nice evening - better than good sex and then to dinner. So today I get a text from him and I was annoyed because it went straight to sex and you all know that bballgirl is no prude but at least ask me how I am first. The old passive me would have not said anything even if I let it fizzle out but I said screw that so this was the text I sent him: "Hey I've gotta tell you "Hi I'm at work I need a BJ " Does not turn me on. We are Middle Aged and How are you? How is your day? Goes a lot further to start a conversation. Our minds are our biggest sex organs and we are both intelligent people. This is the third time you have texted to me like this. It makes me feel cheap and dirty and not sure we are a match I understand you may be just trying to be funny or flirty but if I don't say anything then shame on me " He apologized and thanked me for saying something. So Go Me! Sticking up for myself and being assertive. I'm not ready to cut bait on this one yet but I do see a shelf life and I have a date with a new guy on Friday night that I'm looking forward to. I can see how that would have been a big turn off. I never feel comfortable just sending a message that is aggressive and sexual. I want that type of conversation to be mutual. Last year I got to really learn how wonderful it is to use your brain and imagination. A few simple words from someone you care deeply about and 'wow'. It's amazing how turned on one can get.
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Post by skguy on Aug 20, 2017 7:10:00 GMT -5
Just the getting fixed part and not getting to have sex and not being able to have kids would make most angry. That's so harsh.
I think maybe his porn use gives him the satisfaction he needs. But Its clouded his mind and his expectations. And probably affected his ability to perform in the real world.
From what I've heard many times, some men get turned off by pregnancy. During and after. I personally think expectant mothers are goddesses, but not everyone does.
I know a wonderful woman. She's given her husband 3 kids. But he pretty much just had sex enough to get kids.
I think your husband is being selfish and only cares about his needs and wants. He's probably very self absorbed and simply wants to ignore important issues. You have a right to be angry.
Take care. You deserve better.
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Post by skguy on Aug 18, 2017 18:03:12 GMT -5
I've been trying to be "good" lately. I just ended a 2 year+ emotional affair. It has felt good to be "good"...the guilt of chatting with my EA partner behind my wife's back was slowly killing me. Now that she gone though? Well... I'm lonely. It's a strange kind of lonely. It's hard to describe. I'm surrounded by loved ones, family, kids, and friends... but somehow I'm so fucking lonely. I try to keep being "good" but i just finding myself reaching out to women online. I reach out in the most sad ways too. I keep playing online games with cute women. I chat with them here and there too. One woman in particular kind of started chatting with me away from the games, but it's already getting weird. She's kind of running warm and cold. It messes with my head and at times I feel very much rejected. I know that it is likely not helpful in the long run to be doing this. For one, I'm hurting. I already am hurting from 10+ years of SM mind fuck. I'm in no condition to be putting myself out there. Secondly, this is so far off of my original belief system. I've never been a cheater. I know that online emotional affairs may be a gray area to some, but others believe it's full blown cheating. No matter how you slice it though, it's not really honest, so it's not something I used to be ok with doing. Now though, it's like I can't help myself. What's wrong with me!? ...am I just forever untrustworthy now? ...or would these new found urges somehow dissipate if I had a willing partner? Its like I have no TRUE outlet for my sexuality and I'm trying hard to bottle it up... yet it is just insistent on finding a way to pop the cork on the bottle and make a break for it... I guess there's a reason they call them "needs"? Still, I feel so shitty for being so underhanded and sneaky about it all... I'm so confused... I know where you're coming from. I don't want to be constantly thinking about woman. Specifically a fwb. But I feel a hole in my life. My wife cheated on me before our life became a sm. and with someone I was helping. So I use that as my justification if I was to meet up with someone. So I have guilt but I also feel I deserve more. As my good friend on here would remind me, I deserve to live life and enjoy. So do you.
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Post by skguy on Aug 18, 2017 17:49:42 GMT -5
How can we improve our lives and achieve greater happiness while living in a sexless marriage? I've found that a massage really helps. Anyone else have some additional suggestions? Tonight, I'm getting my toes done (self-care), then hanging with girlfriends. Tomorrow, karaoke night. Sunday, spending time with my best friend. My son is also an amazing antidepressant when it's just the two of us hanging out. My son is a good antidepressant as well. We might have to play MARIO cart.
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Post by skguy on Aug 18, 2017 17:47:37 GMT -5
I agree on the massages. It's not sexual but nice to be touched. Have some muscles tortured lol
I'm actually having trouble with this. Struggling to get myself busy. Might have to jog or hike with others.
Lately I'm working on our new/used truck for something to do.
Might need to chat with others more. Like online.
Getting more fit is one of my goals.
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Post by skguy on Aug 16, 2017 21:43:24 GMT -5
oh ok. Thats what I've been wondering. Then my case, my anxiety and depression are situational. and yes, I wish I could take her advice as well lols. but like I've said before my relatives can barely let me crash for one day, let alone to get away even if I could. and I will NOT leave without my kids. Its virtually impossible right now to go anywhere with 3 kids with autism, all by myself. two of them are lower functioning, and one is higher functioning. they require a ton of care. a therapist told me my husband had anti-social personality disorder. its hard to prove. How do you explain mind games that have taken years to develop and notice? So I will slowly just fight until the time is right. and hopefully knowing I am not mentally ill will help me out a bit. That sounds like a good plan for your situation. A plan that works for you. Take care as always.
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Post by skguy on Aug 16, 2017 19:40:40 GMT -5
Is it a mid-life crisis thing to want to get your motorcycle license in your 40s? Maybe, but I don't care what it's labeled, I am excited!! I have been talking about doing this for the past 4 years. Yesterday my husband and I went for a great 220 mile trek on his bike. It was just one of those perfect days - clear blue sky, fresh air. The route we took had VERY LITTLE for traffic, avoided all freeways. We just kept going and going. It was honestly the BEST 4th of July I ever experienced and we didn't do one thing that was "Fourth of July"-ish. Infact, every restaurant/bar we stopped at along the way was dead. (we don't drink booze while on the bike, FYI, soda only). But hitting the open road like that? So loved it. Anyway, my co-worker is selling her bike and I mentioned it to my husband yesterday at a rest stop because we mentioned we would do this a lot more if I also had my own bike. That's all it took -- now, BAM, we are making this happen! I have to go through the course and such, but I am excited and I think I can do it. I really do. I drove some interesting and challenging rigs in the Army, I think I can handle the whole downshifting, upshifting thing. I didn't expect to get a Harley, but that's where we are headed.... This isn't the exact bike, but it's the year, make, model and color 2006 Harley Sportster 883 Low. I can't wait to start the course!! Just had to share. Never stop trying new things. Life begins at the end of your comfort zone!! (yes, I am a little nervous, but will rock this!) best image hosting freeThat's awesome. I'd love to start riding. I'd kill for a road trip of any kind. Have fun.
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Post by skguy on Aug 15, 2017 20:38:06 GMT -5
The prairies of Canada. Not far from Montana.
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Post by skguy on Jun 21, 2017 20:19:28 GMT -5
I think 10 years for me.
I almost wish I had no interest in ever doing it. Would be easier.
And I'm one who loves to give. That almost makes it worse, as I know many women would love to be pleasured and don't get a chance.
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Post by skguy on May 18, 2017 22:28:22 GMT -5
I knew he was going to do it, and now he did it. When I came home today I found a letter from my stbx. Apparently he moved back to the Netherlands with my daughter a few days ago. Without my permission. According to him I have forced him to do it and he had no choice because I have been so cruel to him. He couldn't get welfare money in Belgium, so he had no choice but to go back to the Netherlands. The option of getting a job was not a serious option for him. He cleverly had made an appointment with the youth care lady for the day after they moved out. So she would be satisfied with a successfully made appointment and not bother him until it was too late. Since my daughter has turned 16 a few months ago, they will probably not force her to go back. I don't know what is going to happen there. Dutch authorities will be involved and they too will find themselves for a closed door. I don't know what will happen. It will definitely not be good for my daughter. I have called the social police officer who knows the situation. He is going to put things in motion. The prosecutor will probably contact Dutch authorities. He won't have given notice, so the landlord will demand as much from me as possible. I hope the apartment isn't damaged. I will need to see how stbx has left the apartment. Will be a mess most likely, for me to clean up. And also all bills are there for me. Tomorrow I need to make several calls to start solving things. I am sick of it but I hope that eventually something good will happen. I'm so sorry, Tamara. Sending positive thoughts and hoping for the best for you.
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Post by skguy on May 17, 2017 11:58:48 GMT -5
I probably cry about 3 times a week about the sexless relationship I'm in and even after confronting the elephant in the room and trying to make things work I'm here again feeling what we all feel on here I don't need to describe it, the question is, is my sexlife worth loosing an amazing father and a good friend, should I just separate the two and satisfy myself elsewhere , or just pack up and go while I'm still in my 30's with only 2 kids. I get where you're coming from My wife is a pretty good friend to me. I probably give in on stuff and sacrifice to make her life as good as possible. I maybe expend too much energy just making sure she's doing okay. She not the best at being an adult. And we've had an issue in the past that would be a show stopper for most. But in general we get along. She's a good mother. She wants me to be happy. ...but there is no intimacy. And I love pleasing my partner. Making them feel amazing, but I don't get to that. Just have some passion and excitement. So a very hard decision when you like your spouse in every other way. But being stuck and letting it be that way has a good chance of making you angry and bitter as the years roll by.
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