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Post by northstarmom on Jul 31, 2019 21:18:31 GMT -5
I block anyone who sends me a friend request whom I don’t know or who isn’t a friend of one of my good friends. People who send such requests are all scammers.
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Post by northstarmom on Jul 31, 2019 8:10:52 GMT -5
Didn’t he beg and beg you to get him that boat?
I honestly don’t see what you get out of living with him. I remember that picture you posted of yourself when you had an out of town reunion with old friends. You looked gorgeous and happy away from your ex. Seems you could have a much happier life without him. What is stopping you? It has to be more than fear of paying alimony, s small price to pay to rid yourself of a passive aggressive refusing leech.
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Post by northstarmom on Jul 29, 2019 13:15:10 GMT -5
Neither you nor your husband can make him have a libido. There are people who are asexual. Sounds like your husband is one. Not desiring sex is as normal and unchangeable for them as having s libido is for you. If this is not the kind of husband you want then you need to let go of the marriage and move on while being thankful you didn’t waste more years with him or have kids with him. If not you’ll find yourself feeling more stuck and miserable after you’ve aged out of your prime.
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Post by northstarmom on Jul 28, 2019 12:01:26 GMT -5
“Furthermore - my current position guarantees I will have to pay child support. I might not have a good year- it will be hard to tell.”
Talk to a lawyer and financial planner about your concerns. And end giving expensive presents to your spouse and cut back on other expenses. Start living financially leaner. Live a budget that you can continue to live on in an economic crash.
Otherwise, you will keep finding excuses to stay with a man who treats you at best with indifference. Keep staying and at some point you will have virtually no choice but to stay and will look sadly back on these days when you had a choice but didn’t take it.
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Post by northstarmom on Jul 27, 2019 21:46:09 GMT -5
Dead zone said: “Last time we had sex, I used the pull-out method. Doubtful she would have allowed that if she was afraid of pregnancy. ”
That’s s crappy way to have sex. Not only does it have a high risk of causing a pregnancy but it takes lots of the pleasure out of sex.
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Post by northstarmom on Jul 27, 2019 19:05:18 GMT -5
180 pounds and 5’11 sounds wonderful to me. My lover was that height and about 250 when we started having sex. . Best sex ever! He is now snbout 210. Still great sex. I love him. His weight- except for how it affects his health - doesn’t affect my feelings.
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Post by northstarmom on Jul 26, 2019 8:39:01 GMT -5
What the Great Contender said!
Without the advice from this group (which I found after my divorce) I did what he suggested. I blossomed into the kind of person I’d always admired. As I did, my husband became superfluous to my life and without angst, I divorced him. Whether or not you choose to divorce, you can only benefit by letting go of a victim mentality and then investing your attention and love into being the you who makes you happy.
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Post by northstarmom on Jul 24, 2019 8:52:52 GMT -5
JMX, you are finally allowing yourself to see the reality of your marriage. While it is painful seeing how low you are in your husband’s priorities that realization can set you free to create a more fulfilling life without that marriage.
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Post by northstarmom on Jul 21, 2019 17:14:57 GMT -5
You can’t change your wife. You’ve had more than 20 years of seeing the kind of person she is when it comes to sexual intimacy. You need to decide whether having a sexually incompatible wife is a deal breaker for you or whether you wish to continue living with little or no sex.
Continuing to post and read here will help you decide what to do. Individual therapy can help, too. I don’t suggest joint counseling as it won’t make your wife welcome physical intimacy with you. She is who she is.
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Post by northstarmom on Jul 21, 2019 17:11:57 GMT -5
Her having or planning to have an affair is the only reason I can think of for a refuser’s getting a birth control implant.
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Post by northstarmom on Jul 13, 2019 15:56:48 GMT -5
GC, how are things going with you? Having had a son who got into legal trouble I have lots of empathy for you. Please make sure you get the emotional support you need to stay healthy and balanced. Take care of yourself. Your life, not just your son’s, is important.
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Post by northstarmom on Jul 13, 2019 15:45:49 GMT -5
Saarinista said: “I realize it may sound like I'm procrastinating, but I'm not. I've just had a lot of crap to handle over the last 10 years. Depressing crap that is demotivating and exhausting. One thing leads to another, and it's really hard to pull out of these spirals, as I'm sure you know. Thank heaven for this forum. 💗”
I do empathize. When I filed, my oldest son was in rehab after being homeless, Baker Acted and then arrested. I didn’t discover this forum til a week after my divorce was final. Most of the wisdom that’s here I had to learn on my own. This included my rights in a community property state and in a longterm marriage. I only found out initial lawyer consultations are often free when I got the courage to see a lawyer and wasn’t charged.
If you keep delaying, you may end up in a situation in which it either would be much harder to leave (lessingham’s being stuck with a seriously ill wife is one example) or you may end up being divorced with nothing after your spouse hides money or otherwise pulls a fast one.
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Post by northstarmom on Jul 13, 2019 11:54:24 GMT -5
“That line of reasoning also assumes that once out off the sexless marriage, sex will follow..”
No it doesn’t. It assumes that if sex is a big priority, one would rather be sexless and unmarried than be married to a person who refuses to have sexually with you. If sex is sa big priority, one wouldn’t do what many here do, not only choose to remain in a sexless marriage but also share s bed with one’s refuser.
Divorce, moving away from one’s refuser are time limited hassles. Living with one’s refuser is daily pain if one values sex in an intimate relationship and if one isn’t choosing to outsource.
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Post by northstarmom on Jul 13, 2019 8:14:50 GMT -5
“If I had family members, for example, who could assist with a move or let me stay with them temporarily, moving would be easier. But I don't. Also, I need to find a job first. ”
Have you talked to a lawyer to see what your rights would be in a divorce? If you haven’t done that then your concerns about needing a job, having to move, etc. are just assumptions.
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Post by northstarmom on Jul 12, 2019 16:40:47 GMT -5
“That's a great question. Here's my lame-o answer: I hate moving and it costs money just to move. Ugh.”
So a sexless marriage is more pleasant for you than the hassle and expense of moving. That indicates sex isn’t high in your priority list.
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