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Post by northstarmom on Jun 15, 2019 8:35:13 GMT -5
As post SM lover is unpacking I see a faded photo of a woman at the bottom of his suitcase. She is busty, smiling fetchingly and wearing shorts that show off her shapely legs as she leans diagonally against a tree like Marilyn Monroe.
Jealous, I assume he is hanging onto a picture of a long ago ex.
“Why are you keeping that picture?” I ask.
“It’s my mother,” he replied. Wow!
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 15, 2019 7:37:25 GMT -5
sadkat (I hope you are able to become hapoykitty soon) thanks for creating this thread and keeping it going.
Pets? No Romantic? Yes House? Thankfully housefreee World Traveler? Yes Loner? No Reader? Yes Movies? Yes but only the great ones Chocolate? Yes Chips? Seldom Fast Food? No Cook? Not really Pickles? No Oral sex? Yes Traffic Tickets? One Bubble Bath? No Camping? No Bowling? No Video Games? No
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 14, 2019 11:33:57 GMT -5
We got lost looking for a place to have breakfast but we found an English language community theater that was happy to add us to their listserv for prospective actors! Afterward, we had breakfast at a nice cafe next door.
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 13, 2019 21:28:55 GMT -5
We made it to our retirement area in Mexico early this evening. About a 2,000 mile drive including a couple of side trips including to a Texas rodeo. The latter was especially interesting to me because during part of his childhood post SM lover lived on a ranch that held rodeos that he participated in. It was interesting learning about the cowboy side of my guy whom I met in a community theater that we both acted in.
They say that doing new experiences together helps keep love fresh. Our 9 day road trip and moving to a new country should help keep our love fresh. Selling his house, discarding so much of our things that we could fit everything we own into an SUV were new experiences, too.
During that time both of us also retired, 3 trees fell on his house during a hurricane and I had to deal with a month of testing to see if I have cancer (Fortunately, I don’t).
They were very stressful new experiences that did strain our relationship sometimes. That we survived and are still in love and are having great sex is a testimony to the fact that once out of a SM there still will be problems but life still can be better than in a SM.
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 13, 2019 17:40:16 GMT -5
“The latest I texted a polite but basically “I want to be friends but No thanks onthe romance” a couple of nights ago.
He really got upset. He said he couldn’t believe I even thought he was interested in me in that way and (this is after he said he didn’t want to let me go, and he wanted to travel to places with me, and he liked my eyes, etc. He said he’d make sure our paths didn’t cross again and wouldn’t call or text anymore and would leave it up to me to text which I haven’t done. He said that he touches all his friends and people think that he and one of his friends are lovers while they are just friends.”
So glad you didn’t tell him in person! This is why I suggested just texting you didn’t want to proceed with a relationship and then blocking him. No need to provide a reason because that can lead to the kind of nasty response you got.
Obviously, he is lying about having had no romantic interest in you.
What happened is proof to believe your gut, something that unfortunately most women don’t do enough because they value being considered nice over protecting their safety. The Gift of Fear should be required reading for all women.
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 13, 2019 14:53:41 GMT -5
Worth repeating: “And the last thing I will say on this post is that Im not doing any of this to save the relationship. Im doing it to save myself. Im investing in my future happiness whether that is in this relationship or the next. Im taking ownership of my shit. ”
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 12, 2019 21:02:26 GMT -5
Handy said: “Grammar, I don't care much what others say or do. I read so many posts by women that indicated grammar slip-ups would get the guy ditched in a heart beat. I”
That’s certainly true for me when it comes to meeting a guy through dating sites. That’s a time to put one’s figuratively best foot forward when it comes to writing. It’s like making sure that one is wearing clean, pressed, attractive clothes on a first date. I’d not be interested in a guy who didn’t bother to spellcheck their initial overtire to me. I’d figure if he couldn’t be bothered to present himself well then he wouldn’t bother to be attentive in a date or in a bedroom. And if his writing were filled with major grammatical errors I’d assune he was either not intelligent or not very educated so he and I wouldn’t be compatible.
I’d also not want to date someone who was a native English speaker but verbally butchered grammar.
But when it comes to people I enjoy being around their spelling, grammar, typos aren’t important. Their kindness, reliability, honesty, compassion and empathy are what would make them enjoyable to me.
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 12, 2019 15:36:01 GMT -5
Any chance that he has more debt than you realize? Could he be planning on moving out of the country and sticking you with that debt? Asking because a friend who is divorcing her husband learned he had been hiding debt from her. Lawyer is helping her not get stuck with his debt.
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 12, 2019 15:03:28 GMT -5
Have you talked to a lawyer yet?
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 12, 2019 14:59:16 GMT -5
Handy, how do you know if people are fiscally responsible? How does that affect your time with them? Do some fiscally irresponsible people approach you for loans?
Except for my partner and one son, I don’t know about how people I’m close to handle their money.
I can see to some extent how bad grammar could be off putting in person but how does a person’s bad spelling affect your time with them?
Curious, too, about how such qualities count more for you than kindness and compatible values.
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 12, 2019 9:44:20 GMT -5
I’m a terrible speller, too, and a bad proofreader as people here surely have noticed.
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 12, 2019 7:22:05 GMT -5
Lessingham, nothing sounded pervy about enjoying volunteering with kids because of their energy and enthusiasm about little things we adults would take for granted. No need to apologize for or disparage your enjoyment.
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 11, 2019 21:37:53 GMT -5
People with good energy. They are optimistic, funny, supportive, compassionate, open about themselves, nonjudgmental, and good listeners.
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 11, 2019 19:46:27 GMT -5
Did you ever text him, “Thanks, but no thanks,” as I suggested? I’m seeing lots of red flags starting with his instant infatuation and being so handsy from the first. My suggestion is block him and move on. Read, “The Gift of Fear.”
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 11, 2019 9:04:25 GMT -5
Chooky: “looking for a job, continuing his progress around the house (he had started to help in the house which confused me I think as in my head I sort of had a valid reason to then be angry at him and not just about sex) so he’s said he’s realised that he has been a bit of a s**t. W”
It’s a good start. You might want to be more specific if only in your mind. If he applied for one job a week is that enough? Washes dishes one night?
Personally I think that 3 months is enough time for you to expect him to get a job even if that job is doing weekly lawn care for one household. It is easy for a lazy person to fake job hunting. Results are what counts.
I also suggest divvying up the household tasks. You could decide this together and then each have your own household responsibilities.
Meanwhile, see a lawyer to find out your rights. Seeing a therapist could give you the confidence and self respect to hold firm on ultimatum.
You have a lot of responsibility for your mom. Could paid help relive you of some of this stress?
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