There were laughs and we had no trouble talking about everything but he kept grabbing my arms, hands, shoulders. You’d think I’d be happy with this being touch starved but it was a little much. We met for brunch and then he invited me over that night for dinner to his apt by a lake where he grills outside and he texted last night, this morning and today and invited me tonight for dinner. I texted I had stuff to attend to tonight. I did have a lot to do and bills but if I’d really liked him I’d have put all that on hold.
I really would like to be his friend. I think we have a lot of fun laughing and just get along but I’m just not that into him in a romantic way.
So now I have to tell him that I’m not interested. I had to really think about it because there’s so much I like about him and it’s awkward but I’ll tell him in person this week.. This was my first date in eighteen years.…
Post by northstarmom on Jun 10, 2019 18:01:35 GMT -5
Warmways:”There were laughs and we had no trouble talking about everything but he kept grabbing my arms, hands, shoulders. You’d think I’d be happy with this being touch starved but it was a little much.”
He seems overly pushy and, frankly, has seemed that way from the first. I think it’s a mistake to tell him in person you don’t want to see him any more. It’s not like you are ending a long term relationship. You also don’t know if he’s the type to get nasty when someone turns him down. Just text him or email him. Then block him so you aren’t tempted to get into a discussion about it.
What if touchy feely is perfectly normal for him? and he wasn't being pushy or excessive?
I had to think about that with my now existing girlfriend. She is from Italy and tells me " that's the way we are. My whole family, that's the way I was raised".
The first time I was introduced to her, we sat together in this little guard building at the gates in front of my old neighborhood. I lost count ( over 2 dozen) over how many times she put her hands on my arms, shoulder, legs, and laughed and spoke loudly. I am sure she called me " honey" like she does everyone.
It was a bit difficult for me at first! Not what I was used too, at all! I tried to be more, open minded and accepting of risks, new adventures and people who would be 'different' from me.
None of what I said makes your decision right or wrong. I am glad to read about your new discoveries, and that you are putting yourself first!
Post by northstarmom on Jun 11, 2019 19:46:27 GMT -5
Did you ever text him, “Thanks, but no thanks,” as I suggested? I’m seeing lots of red flags starting with his instant infatuation and being so handsy from the first. My suggestion is block him and move on. Read, “The Gift of Fear.”
The latest I texted a polite but basically “I want to be friends but No thanks onthe romance” a couple of nights ago.
He really got upset. He said he couldn’t believe I even thought he was interested in me in that way and (this is after he said he didn’t want to let me go, and he wanted to travel to places with me, and he liked my eyes, etc. He said he’d make sure our paths didn’t cross again and wouldn’t call or text anymore and would leave it up to me to text which I haven’t done. He said that he touches all his friends and people think that he and one of his friends are lovers while they are just friends.
Post by northstarmom on Jun 13, 2019 17:40:16 GMT -5
“The latest I texted a polite but basically “I want to be friends but No thanks onthe romance” a couple of nights ago.
He really got upset. He said he couldn’t believe I even thought he was interested in me in that way and (this is after he said he didn’t want to let me go, and he wanted to travel to places with me, and he liked my eyes, etc. He said he’d make sure our paths didn’t cross again and wouldn’t call or text anymore and would leave it up to me to text which I haven’t done. He said that he touches all his friends and people think that he and one of his friends are lovers while they are just friends.”
So glad you didn’t tell him in person! This is why I suggested just texting you didn’t want to proceed with a relationship and then blocking him. No need to provide a reason because that can lead to the kind of nasty response you got.
Obviously, he is lying about having had no romantic interest in you.
What happened is proof to believe your gut, something that unfortunately most women don’t do enough because they value being considered nice over protecting their safety. The Gift of Fear should be required reading for all women.
I see the words of a confused man who clearly doesn't know what he wants. Maybe he's being deceptive, I don't know. Maybe he's very out of touch with his own feelings. But his response is one of rejection and although I don't condone his failure to respect your physical boundaries, I can understand him in away. Yes, trust your instincts. Protect yourself. I agree with all of this. I just lament the complicated and unnecessary games men and women play with one another. So many wounded souls out there....
This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
tamara68: Today it's steak and blowjob day! I suppose the steak is for those who don't get a blowjob.
Mar 14, 2019 16:49:49 GMT -5
petrushka: tamara68 Laughing with tears in my eyes. And my steak is going to be semolina gruel, due to some tummy upset :-\
Mar 15, 2019 1:11:10 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: So sad to hear the news from New Zealand. Boston Strong supports Kiwi Strong!!
Mar 15, 2019 7:46:22 GMT -5
petrushka: I was gobsmacked when I heard. This is just not us. In all of 2017 we had 37 murders in the country ..... I think the echo chambers of "social media" have a lot to answer for.
Mar 15, 2019 18:45:45 GMT -5
baza: Feeling for our Brothers and Sisters across the ditch Brother petrushka .
Mar 15, 2019 19:27:50 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: petrushka, I thought I read the headline wrong (this stuff happens here, not in NZ). It is frightening the hate that is being spread; it makes my heart hurt.
Mar 15, 2019 20:46:54 GMT -5
saarinista: All of us, IMHO, should try to be civil and kind as much as possible in person and online. I actively Tweet (civilly) on political matters and am horrified by the rancor & trolling on both sides of the spectrum, which only inflames unstable people.
Mar 19, 2019 23:21:20 GMT -5
saarinista: is anyone else watching March Madness?
Mar 24, 2019 11:44:48 GMT -5
worksforme2: doesn't much look like it...
Mar 27, 2019 12:20:10 GMT -5
saarinista: Well, my team is going to the Final Four! I am beyond thrilled. Basketball is life.
Apr 1, 2019 0:47:14 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: Congrats! Yay! I don't know how many people see the shout box, I don't think it shows up not he mobile version of the site. Maybe post something in the Off Topic section and more folks may see it?
Apr 1, 2019 15:38:34 GMT -5
wewbwb: Or, maybe baseball season started . . .
Apr 2, 2019 5:27:34 GMT -5
flashjohn: saarinista, my alma mater, Texas Tech, is also in the final four.
Apr 3, 2019 14:59:01 GMT -5
saarinista: : flashjohn Ruh, roh. Then we have to be mortal enemies for the weekend because I went to MSU!
Apr 4, 2019 16:09:20 GMT -5
worksforme2: The add attachment says a max of 1mb...I see plenty of videos that are way longer than that...how do I do that? My video is 4.97 mbs
Apr 25, 2019 20:10:25 GMT -5
h: The videos posted aren't attached. They are links to videos outside the site.
Apr 26, 2019 14:09:04 GMT -5
sexlessinga: Hi guys just joined
May 10, 2019 20:49:28 GMT -5
worksforme2: @mslowmaintenance….long time no see, welcome back...
May 29, 2019 9:30:25 GMT -5
noregretz: You can never outrun a Grizzly bear, but that's ok. You only have to outrun the person you're with....
Jun 15, 2019 12:28:09 GMT -5
solodriver: or in this case your refuser.
Jun 16, 2019 19:21:47 GMT -5