Post by cassiopeia92 on Jun 12, 2019 13:26:12 GMT -5
If you want to make me feel bad for snooping, seriously, bite me!
That said as many of you know I have been making the best of things having decided to stay. We have been on days out its been fun. Many of you also know that I had found out my H was sexting his relatives wife.
So this morning something feels off and my intuition is high. The stuff he had sent I cant tell anyone in detail, it absolutely disgusted me. Worse, he asked her if any of what he was doing or sending or the fact he wants her turns her on at all. She replied, no, not at all. After months of this with no encouragement from her. He actually said...that I want you.
I have absolutely no sexual interest in him now. None. I felt guilty I had trapped him somehow in a marriage with a woman he doesnt want. My daughter said no, he has always had a choice and did not have to follow me to the UK.
No he effing didnt. When I have pulled away before, because I tried, because I am a good person, he has always pulled me back. Made me feel if only I did a, b or c he would want me. He kept saying to her he heard she is 165 lbs now and that was the weight his ex wife was and telling her how hard he used to F her. So sick
I have had some time to think. I am done. And I love him and its shit.
Time to get us debt free and me in a situation I can end this. Because he doesnt deserve me.
He has been in a shit mood tonight. I think his pride has been dented. Good. I hope he is suffering.
I am losing weight, but its not for him. The last time I did he flirted with other women in front of me and I felt so bad I started eating again. He told me several times my weight wasnt the problem bullshit! But I dont care. Not anymore.
And I have to stop now. Because if I dont I will become bitter and resentful and seeking vengeance and human though it might be, that aint me.
Head high, chin up, becoming best self, being true to me.
Post by cassiopeia92 on Jun 12, 2019 13:56:08 GMT -5
It would be because he would go back to America and I would be stuck with it. Its not a lot in any case. I also need to split our bank accounts so that only I have access to my own stuff. And I need a cushion so squirrelling. The fact I dont want him anymore actually works in my favour.
Cassiopeia92 The fact I don't want him anymore actually works in my favour.
I totally understand. What your H is doing with this or to the OW would cause me to feel and act similar to you. I bet if most refusers were doing what your H is doing, very few of the ILIASM folks that are currently staying, they would decide to divorce in short order.
In my case and I suspect in other posters mind, they might welcome an obvious betrayal action the refusing spouse is carrying out with a potential affair partner.
I bet if you confronted your H with the information you have he would say it is a game he and her are playing and he isn't seriously trying to get her interested in him sexually. He is only practicing his skills so he can some day use those skills on you. OK, that is just me guessing and using the little imagination I have going for me. It also could be he is doing this out of boredom or he needs some unrealistic excitement in his life feel like he still has some imaginary magic talents.
Rule, #1, never tell your H where or how you found this latest information. The USA and the UK never told the Germans they figured out the "Enigma code" during WWII.
Post by cassiopeia92 on Jun 12, 2019 14:31:01 GMT -5
Lol thanks for that. I have no intention of telling him anything, he would turn it around to how dare I and it would all be my fault. And yes, he would have a plethora of excuses. The last where this person was concerned was the now hilarious excuse that his cousin doesnt get any but my H teasing her means he does. He was also careful to have some sexual, not intercourse, contact with me and sext me too ..briefly. i guess in his mind that made it all okay. And of course that happened before he got the caverject February 4th. So this has been going on a long time. So it takes him months to finally ask her thr question.
If that were me, I would probably feel pretty stupid for senfing all that stuff to someone who isnt interested at all, wouldnt you?
Post by cassiopeia92 on Jun 12, 2019 15:09:57 GMT -5
I was waiting for you! Lol. No. And I don't know why I need to. I have grounds for divorce and neither of us has assets. We have joint accounts both here and in the USA. I suppose that could get messy for us both. We have 3 dogs, I think that is the hardest thing, I could keep 2, I could not manage his. The car is mine.
Post by northstarmom on Jun 12, 2019 15:36:01 GMT -5
Any chance that he has more debt than you realize? Could he be planning on moving out of the country and sticking you with that debt? Asking because a friend who is divorcing her husband learned he had been hiding debt from her. Lawyer is helping her not get stuck with his debt.
cassiopeia92 I've been following your story and I'm so happy that things have come to a head like this. It sounds so awful to say that, but you - like many on here, just don't deserve to waste any more of your life on this relationship.
We are now on month to month and the lease is in my name only. So I can give a months notice at any time.
Basically then, my goal is to be debt free and have enough money for the down payment on a place and at least a months outgoings upfront would be nice.
I figure my deadline is a year today.
Is there some mechanism in place where your spouse is assisting in the "debt reduction" strategy ? If he is contributing to that, your 12 month timeframe makes economic sense. If he is NOT contributing to that, maybe the sooner you off load him the better.
frednsa: i saw something on the wedding night (in the 60's) should have ended it during the honeymoon. i was played so perfectly. she is so wonderful in almost every other way, so...still wondering...thinking frigidity is a real thing and untreatable
Aug 29, 2019 12:07:04 GMT -5
worksforme2: Tomorrow is Labor Day 2019, no big plans for the day....thinking seriously of going commando
Sept 1, 2019 11:37:07 GMT -5
worksforme2: Hey ironhamster...I just saw your picture on another site and your head wasn't covered. You actually look better without the bandana....
Sept 2, 2019 11:54:55 GMT -5
javba: Dunno Iron Hamster - I have not seen your other photo - I think you ROCK anyways.
Sept 4, 2019 10:11:42 GMT -5
worksforme2: Happened across Tamara68 on another site, messaged her but she didn't respond...
Sept 15, 2019 13:13:02 GMT -5
elkclan2: Dealing with an escaped gerbil. Fun times.
Sept 16, 2019 13:01:50 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: 1. Hope tamara is doing well. 2. Elkclan2, did you catch the critter???
Sept 17, 2019 15:40:05 GMT -5
worksforme2: Tamara answered me yesterday. She and her partner are moving into a house next week. It's probably about as good as is possible. She didn't comment on the situation with her daughter.
Sept 17, 2019 17:46:02 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: Thanks for the update; just hope she is happy
Sept 17, 2019 19:49:55 GMT -5
workingonit: Elkclan2 my son's gerbil escaped at the same time as his pet snake. I did not think it was a coincidence!
Sept 17, 2019 20:40:26 GMT -5
hopingforachange: Wow, is been forever since I read the shoutbox.
Sept 17, 2019 21:33:01 GMT -5
hopingforachange: I need to set up another Skype session.
Sept 17, 2019 21:33:16 GMT -5