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Post by JMX on Jul 23, 2019 22:07:37 GMT -5
So, I am thinking now I have to pull the trigger. Got a call today. “Hello is Dear Husband there?” “Who is this?” “Is this Dear Husband’s phone number?” “Who is this? Respectfully, you called me.” (Laughs) “yes, I called you. Are you Dear Husband’s wife?” “Yes. This is JMX.” “This is so and so from GMC financial.” “Okay, great - how can I help you?” “Your vehicle (my vehicle) has been delinquent since April 13th.” “What? I thought he had that on auto-pay?” “No ma’am. Total owed today - $1, .??” “Okay, I will get this taken care of ASAP.” This car was my birthday present last year. The real present being - one payment I did not have to worry about. He didn’t pay it for 3 MONTHS. My history with repo’d vehicles is... well, it is. Which is why this is important to me. There is a sad story on EP that I probably kept on my computer detailing it. He simply... forgot. I transferred $1000 into our joint account and told him to take care of it. Looked at the account and he had spent over $1000 at Cabella’s just today. For carpet for the boat. I don’t contribute to that account - but I monitor it (obviously, not well). He has four bills that he pays. His truck - almost paid for, my car, the boat and the cable. I take care of everything else. I have paid for the down payment on the boat. I have transferred money to his account to finish paying the truck. He doesn’t even have the decency to REMEMBER my car payment - which I would have transferred money for - quickly. I am so fucking mad right now. I cannot even see straight.
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Wow.
Jul 23, 2019 22:14:05 GMT -5
JMX likes this
Post by Handy on Jul 23, 2019 22:14:05 GMT -5
Well, I personally do not deal nicely with delinquent payments. I don't put up with them, no excuses. They are deal breakers for me.
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Post by JMX on Jul 23, 2019 22:41:16 GMT -5
Well, I personally do not deal nicely with delinquent payments. I don't put up with them, no excuses. They are deal breakers for me. There is absolutely NO excuse. Together, we are on pace to pull (probably) $350k this year.
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Post by baza on Jul 24, 2019 0:22:08 GMT -5
There were about 5 things in my deal that were unsatisfactory. In no particular order - - lack of sexual engagement - financial irresponsibility - lack of respect - different life agenda's - alcohol issues Any one of them - taken as single issues - were not dealbreakers. But collectively - taking the whole situation into account - they were dealbreakers .... and I got out in October 2009. Ask me today what "the" dealbreaker was, and I'd probably say "the financial irresponsibility". Ask me tomorrow I might say "the lack of respect". Sister JMX , I doubt that the "carpeting the boat" will be a deal breaker for you. Nor will him forgetting to make that payment. However, if you take a wider view of his past behaviors, and his current behaviours, you may find that in total it constitutes a dealbreaker. That call is down to you.
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Post by DryCreek on Jul 24, 2019 0:39:15 GMT -5
Wow, JMX. First, kudos on your success. May it continue, despite H’s behavior. The flip side is that there’s a heightened level of responsibility that’s needed with a high income - managing it. There are so many stories of bankrupt lottery winners, because there’s a maturity required to hold onto it. (Especially when you know you’ll need a reserve to carry you through down years.) Like keeping a routine payment current. You don’t just forget to make 1 of 4 payments for 3 months straight. I’d be worried about the other 3 too. But more, I’d be questioning that this a symptom of a much larger behavioral issue - like despite his healthy income, he’s coming up short (gambling? drugs?); if he’s spending the car payment on boat carpeting, then there’s a big problem with priorities. There more to this than a simple oversight, and you’re right to be frustrated.
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Post by ironhamster on Jul 24, 2019 1:32:18 GMT -5
Lack of trust is a big deal for me. Omg. I hope it is for you, too. That was a pretty big statement about where you stand in his eyes.
Bang bang.
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Post by JMX on Jul 24, 2019 2:27:16 GMT -5
There were about 5 things in my deal that were unsatisfactory. In no particular order - - lack of sexual engagement - financial irresponsibility - lack of respect - different life agenda's - alcohol issues Any one of them - taken as single issues - were not dealbreakers. But collectively - taking the whole situation into account - they were dealbreakers .... and I got out in October 2009. Ask me today what "the" dealbreaker was, and I'd probably say "the financial irresponsibility". Ask me tomorrow I might say "the lack of respect". Sister JMX , I doubt that the "carpeting the boat" will be a deal breaker for you. Nor will him forgetting to make that payment. However, if you take a wider view of his past behaviors, and his current behaviours, you may find that in total it constitutes a dealbreaker. That call is down to you. Tonight - when I came home, he never said he was sorry. He played video games for hours. Never once acknowledged my presence. He did come to my back patio and told me he made some steaks and mine was in the microwave. At one point, he was finished playing video games, came in and told me about a situation about his job. No acknowledgement of what went on today. Not a word. I stared at my phone while he talked. I am calling my lawyer tomorrow.
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Post by JMX on Jul 24, 2019 2:29:28 GMT -5
Wow, JMX. First, kudos on your success. May it continue, despite H’s behavior. The flip side is that there’s a heightened level of responsibility that’s needed with a high income - managing it. There are so many stories of bankrupt lottery winners, because there’s a maturity required to hold onto it. (Especially when you know you’ll need a reserve to carry you through down years.) Like keeping a routine payment current. You don’t just forget to make 1 of 4 payments for 3 months straight. I’d be worried about the other 3 too. But more, I’d be questioning that this a symptom of a much larger behavioral issue - like despite his healthy income, he’s coming up short (gambling? drugs?); if he’s spending the car payment on boat carpeting, then there’s a big problem with priorities. There more to this than a simple oversight, and you’re right to be frustrated. Is amazon. He buys shit on amazon all day long. I am living with a shopoholic. He is trying to fill a void.
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Post by JMX on Jul 24, 2019 2:31:37 GMT -5
Lack of trust is a big deal for me. Omg. I hope it is for you, too. That was a pretty big statement about where you stand in his eyes. Bang bang. This is my exact point. He cares so little about me - that despite LIVING our history when MY car got taken away - he decided to “forget” about my car payment. He doesn’t forget his truck payment OR the boat payment.
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Post by ironhamster on Jul 24, 2019 2:47:50 GMT -5
Lack of trust is a big deal for me. Omg. I hope it is for you, too. That was a pretty big statement about where you stand in his eyes. Bang bang. This is my exact point. He cares so little about me - that despite LIVING our history when MY car got taken away - he decided to “forget” about my car payment. He doesn’t forget his truck payment OR the boat payment. I am glad you made that observation. One of the couples I knew had similar problems. When the husband would get mad, the wife observed he would tend to break whatever was in his hand. One day she was talking about this, and my wife asked if he ever got mad enough to break what was in his hand while holding something that was his. He didn't. He only broke things that inconvenienced his wife. In short, he could not get over his shit, things got worse, and they divorced. Your husband was not being careless. Conscious or not, he sent you a clear message.
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Post by hopingforachange on Jul 24, 2019 6:36:59 GMT -5
Wow
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Post by northstarmom on Jul 24, 2019 8:52:52 GMT -5
JMX, you are finally allowing yourself to see the reality of your marriage. While it is painful seeing how low you are in your husband’s priorities that realization can set you free to create a more fulfilling life without that marriage.
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Post by Handy on Jul 24, 2019 10:57:53 GMT -5
JMX pull (probably) $350k this year.
I lived on 1/10 of that and never had a late payment or a bounced check.
Shopaholic? That is my W.
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Post by shamwow on Jul 24, 2019 16:12:25 GMT -5
My ex did the month to month bills. I did the long term financial planning. I'll have several late pays denting my credit for the next few years at least. Despite a healthy income, we were always out of money at the end of the month. Somehow, though, after I got on my own, I'm doing OK. And that is despite maintaining my own home and 40 percent of hers via child support. I had a list of reasons like baza, and also like him, all of them contributed to leaving. But on the financial side, at least, I think I found the leak - and shut off the valve.
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Wow.
Jul 24, 2019 18:24:18 GMT -5
via mobile
JMX and obobfla like this
Post by bballgirl on Jul 24, 2019 18:24:18 GMT -5
JMXI’m so sorry to hear this and if you need to talk you know I’m here. He is a child - get rid of him! If the payments were automatic then he stopped them, that’s intentional. His priorities are in the wrong place and then when you came home he was playing video games? Girl, I would have poured a cup of water down the back of the video game system. Honey you deserve better and maybe not having him in your life is better. Big Hugs to you
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