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Post by worksforme2 on Mar 25, 2024 8:39:56 GMT -5
I want to agree histerical bonding isn't an always an act of desperation. Perhaps sometimes it is. Near the end of my SM I spoke several times to my W about me having a FWB. I went to some lenghts to assure the W I wasn't looking to totally replace her, just needed a woman for intimacy. She instead reset me for roughly 3 months (3rd or 4th time) and then back to refusing. My W was also enthusiastic and readily orgasmed, but it didn't mean mush over the longer time frame. I really don't get this. How can our spouses be so adverse to something that we know we both enjoy in the moment. Creates the intimate bonds and has so many other mental health benefits. My wife has also told me she always enjoyed it once we got going and we almost always both orgasmed. But now it's some kind of great hardship she's unwilling to endure even if it means me leaving her. I just don't get it man. Welcome to the club,....I never figured it out either. I know she enjoyed the intimacy and the orgasms. But one day out of the blue she no longer had any desire for intimacy and she insisted I should forget about it to. When I talked to her about it she had no reason or ratonal other than she simply was not interested any more. And she really wasn't it seems. Since our divorce she has not dated or even been out to eat with a man other than me.( 9yrs.) I feel fairly sure she would have made some comment about it if she had.
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Post by worksforme2 on Mar 25, 2024 7:36:50 GMT -5
diode , I have no issue with that approach. I don't believe hysterical bonding is an act of desperation, or, at least, not on the conscious level of their being. I believe it is an honest reaction on the conscious level. Those refusers experiencing it can actually enjoy sex while in this state of mind. My wife was extremely enthusiastic the first three days. The problem is, this state of mind is very temporary. In three weeks she was back to disinterest. I want to agree histerical bonding isn't an always an act of desperation. Perhaps sometimes it is. Near the end of my SM I spoke several times to my W about me having a FWB. I went to some lengths to assure the W I wasn't looking to totally replace her, just needed a woman for intimacy. She instead reset me for roughly 3 months (3rd or 4th time) and then back to refusing. My W was also enthusiastic and readily orgasmed, but it didn't mean mush over the longer time frame.
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Post by worksforme2 on Mar 25, 2024 6:24:21 GMT -5
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Post by worksforme2 on Mar 25, 2024 6:21:35 GMT -5
harlot
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Post by worksforme2 on Mar 24, 2024 9:36:01 GMT -5
UPDATE TO MARCH 8 POST: Turns out the plan B local pharmacy misquoted their pricing. Little difference from my online costs. Both far more expensive than I expected. So I will not be getting that med. And I got an unexpected email from Publix pharmacy. Says I have a precsription to be picked up there, only I didn't order anything. I was getting my Cialis there. A 90 day prescription was around $17. This new email didn't name the drug but the cost was over $400. So if it is for CIALIS I will not be getting that either. Also did some searching for Canadian pharmacies for the new prescription. Turns out the drug is no cheaper from Canada then in the US. Ozempic---$600 for 90m day supply
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Post by worksforme2 on Mar 19, 2024 9:54:43 GMT -5
Kids can see hear and learn many things by observation but in the end it is what they chose to do with that knowledge. Many parents stay not for the picture of a marriage but for financial security for kids. Out of my kids, 2 are extremely happy in long term relationships .......and my youngest that saw the worst of our marriage is a mess ........always chasing happy and not dealing with even good relationships take work.. every person has flaws that come out sooner or later. My youngest told a sibling they are" NOT going to be stuck in an unhappy situation just because mom did." .... that is their view only other kids see it differently. I can say they get more critical of the idea of me leaving now. I do not think we can blame ourselves for any issues kids have in relationships... they can chose to follow our lead or do the opposite.... bad examples do not have to be repeated. I have to agree with this. My 1st W. and I tried to set good examples of healthy eating, an active lifestyle, etc. We didn't smoke. Our chikdren on the other hand both choose to partake of tobacco products on a daily basis. The thousands of dollars spent on braces, cleanings etc. were somewhat wasted as both have lost teeth to the tobacco usage And it is only recently they started eating healther, in their mid 30's. Children have their own personalities and they will do as they wish as adults. Just hope they don't do anything really dumb.
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Post by worksforme2 on Mar 19, 2024 6:37:26 GMT -5
Appreciate all of the opinions shared. The circumstances are challenging for both of us there is no doubt about it. My mental health has really suffered but I do my best to take it a day at a time. I could have never appreciated how difficult a serious illness in a marriage is until I had to walk in these shoes. In this type of situation often the caregiver isn't given the kind of attention and help needed as they support their partner. I would urge you to get the kind and quantity of help you need for yourself. You can do a better job of caring for your spouse if you take care of yourself 1st. Don't be ashamed or reluctant to make your needs and circumstanced know to relatives and even friends that might be willing to pitch in with the assistance that can make a differance for the both of you. Best wishes for the both of you...
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Post by worksforme2 on Mar 16, 2024 8:49:50 GMT -5
Once again, a refuser hears but doesn't care. If she hasn't "heard you" by now, with your repeated expression of dissatisfaction, depression, and not to mention therapy sessions, she's trying really, really hard to not hear you. I mean, she doesn't even want to touch you at night unless she thinks you are unconscious, so there's no way she will ever flirt with you or think about it. I know I am being harsh, but she deserves it. Telling you...you, her husband, that you aren't respecting her boundaries when you text her a flirtation?? You might as well be a co-worker of hers. What a vile human being. The one positive is that it led to the talk, which hopefully gave you more confidence. And please do yourself a favor and look into your plan of escape. Her saying she needs time to "figure it out" means she needs time to figure out how to screw you over on the way out. Protect yourself. Ironically I've been having some really great chats with a couple of coworkers. But even though both seem willing to push the conversations more flirtatious, I'm keeping that dialed back. It is nice to know, that when I do split, I really think I'll be able to find someone that's a better match. So I have hope and no longer feel trapped. I'm sticking it out for now but my limit will be when my son is done high-school. If we're not in a fulfilling relationship by then, I'll have no reason to stay. I am in the boat with deadzone75. My 1st thoughts are that she is probably opening bank and credit card accounts in her name so she can transfer money or other assets. Once she has everthing set up she may even start moving money and getting set up so she can leave you. i am calling BS on her coming around to being a loving affectionate spouse. If she hasn't done it by now it ain't happening. Don't kid youself.
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Post by worksforme2 on Mar 15, 2024 9:10:06 GMT -5
Interesting in that the 2 males that viewed this podcast found it less than helpful and perhaps even possibly detrimental for a man. But the one woman who viewed it thought it was "so good". Could it be one more reason that I have recently been reading many younger people are choosing not to date.
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Post by worksforme2 on Mar 13, 2024 12:06:50 GMT -5
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Post by worksforme2 on Mar 13, 2024 11:52:56 GMT -5
toughtiger said... I need to let him go too and be alone I guess. I feel most of the singles out there were thrown back for a reason... and the men i know a few that are in situations reversed of mine stay and a FWB thing seems like the best solution for both parties ..... my online friend is too far away to be workable I read this as your being open to a FWB given the opportunity. If that is the case I would suggest you put your profile on Ashley Madiso and perhaps some other married but looking dating sites. If you are anything other than ugly as a lap dog or big as a house you will undoubtedly be recieving plenty of hits from men, many of whom are probably in SM's. I am always taken aback when a woman who desires intimacy has trouble finding it. My experience is that it is because she does not activily pursue that intimacy; There are a # of reasons women do not open them selves up to sex outside the marriage, and i suppose for the women those reasons are valid. Maybe I am just a man with low inhibitions, but if I were a woman and I wanted intimacy, damn if I wouldn't go after it.
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Post by worksforme2 on Mar 11, 2024 12:29:43 GMT -5
ironhamster may I direct message you to ask about your two friends who opened their marriages and how that worked for them? I’m at a crossroad in my marriage and would appreciate hearing about others’ experiences with this. Thank you! catsloveme,...you might also look up the posts of baseballgirl. she also was successful in opening her marriage and making it work with her H
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Post by worksforme2 on Mar 11, 2024 9:30:04 GMT -5
lonelyhubby,...If you are a senior man I have been reading that the pellet implants are not recommended for you. That would be me also as I am 76. I use testosterone cypionate injections once a week as my method of TRT. 1/2 cc puts my testerone in the 600-700 range which is perfect for a male my age. I do have to take anastrozole to address the Estrogen created when the testosterone in broken down for use in the body. I started with topical medication but it did not have any effect on my T levels so after 2 months my doctor prescribed injections which raised my T level. Unfortunately my then W had pretty much lost her libido following menopause, so we were really mismatched libido wise at that point. You might consider reading up on testerone cypionate.
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Post by worksforme2 on Mar 11, 2024 6:12:13 GMT -5
Long term medican issues are the hardest hurdle to deal with in a SM. The illness generally isn't the fualt of the sick partner, it is something incidious that affects the marriage and sometimes treatment doesn't improve the medical concition, and can even make a SM worse. It's understandable the partner who is ill can suffer a lose of desire from comlications of the illness. The problen then becomes what can be done to keep the marriage viable from an intimacy standpoint. I am in general agreement with toughtiger. Coming to an agreement with the misses about having a "friend" for you seems a reasonable approach. Taking a "don't ask, don't tell" policy with consideration for the person experiencing the illness, can make life easier for both parties. Couples who genuinely care about each other should want to go all out to insure as much intimacy in the mariage as possible. If your spouse is unable to provide you with any sexual acts then that partner should be open to allowing a 3rd party to provide the missing sexual component. As long as care is taken to insure the infirm spouse is not deprived of what intimacy their condition permits. Talk to mrs.music about this approach and see if she is willing to go along. Hopefully she can see the potential "good side" in the arrangement.
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Post by worksforme2 on Mar 8, 2024 16:30:23 GMT -5
I went to the link and note there are several things to recommend the snach block. One was that the block could help you get a better angle for your pull. This sounds like it would be good to use if one still practiced the withdrawal method to prevent pregnancy.
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