You've reached the "ILIASM Forum".

This is an active support community for men and women dealing with the causes and effects of living in a sexless marriage. Sexless marriages may be entirely devoid of intimacy, but the term is used clinically to include couples who engage in sex fewer than 10 times per year. The causes are many, but the effects are generally detrimental, and in some cases devastating.

What is "ILIASM"? It stands for "I Live In A Sexless Marriage".

If that applies to you, then you probably need this site.

Where can you turn for support and understanding with your sexless marriage? Counseling (both individual and marital therapy) can have some benefit, but is not a cure-all. (This is actually often discussed on the forum.) Your family and friends may not be able to understand the depth of your suffering, or you may be reluctant to share intimate details... especially if you feel no one will believe you or show due sympathy. There are books and advice websites galore which propose other ways to fix your situation.

We offer not a fix but support: first of all, the support in knowing that a normal healthy sex life is a reasonable expectation in a marriage. Second, we offer the wisdom of how to deal with the burdens you may be carrying, as we've been there, too. We'll share stories, resources, and lend an ear, a hand, or a shoulder. Third, we offer you insights and options. But only you can decide what is best for you.

This is a moderated forum: the community has posted Guidelines outlining what is allowed on the site and expectations of a supportive decorum. Volunteer moderators encourage all to provide earnest and well-meaning support. However, there is no "party line" here. There are many voices, many opinions, and many options. It is up to you to share enough of your experiences so that you can receive the input you need.

Feel free to start browsing the message boards in the forum to consider if you'd like to participate. (Non-members can read the posts, but not interact.) Membership is free, but you must be 18 years or older to register. Registered members may participate in discussions by asking questions, posting supportive answers, or commenting on other posts.

To browse now, continue to the main Forum page.


This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
mirrororchid: Season 1 of *REFUSED* the ILIASM unofficial podcast comes to a close with the end of CSL's "Addressing the Sexless Marriage" essay series: iliasm.freeforums.net/post/132489 May 4, 2021 18:40:14 GMT -5 *
jerri: Was my last night with FWB😶 we will see how l handle sexless in a month! I will be internally cranky! Hahaha Jun 18, 2021 4:11:18 GMT -5
isthisit: Happy 4th to all of you in the US. Jul 4, 2021 4:21:12 GMT -5
worksforme2: "Thanks".. isthisit, says wfm2 as another bite of burger starts to slide down my neck.... Jul 5, 2021 9:31:48 GMT -5
jerri: Now, Happy 5th to you. ! Jul 5, 2021 22:16:17 GMT -5
mirrororchid: Thanks, Isthisit. Celebrating the day we broke from the UK and chose to govern ourselves! Looking like a less good idea the last 50 years, but a little late. The Brits might say, "No backsies." Jul 7, 2021 18:03:59 GMT -5
Handy: Petrushka, How is your knee replacement recovery going? Jul 15, 2021 0:22:34 GMT -5
worksforme2: Hope you are OK Tamara 68..... Jul 16, 2021 11:11:59 GMT -5
petrushka: it is going. Still painful. First session with the physio yesterday and he was enthusiastic about my range of movement, and says many people never even get that far after the full 6 weeks physio. OK, I'll take it ;-) but it still hurts. A lot. :-S Jul 16, 2021 15:58:37 GMT -5
petrushka: I was concerned about some things, like how far I can [not] lift my leg, straightened, but he allayed my worries on that account. Seems I'm not at all behind the curve. Jul 16, 2021 16:02:27 GMT -5
Handy: Petrushka, I am happy to hear your range of motion is still decent. My W had knee surgery so I was aware of at least most of her rehabilitation difficulties. Yes, it still hurts big time for you but seeing my W's recovery, it takes time and exercising. Jul 16, 2021 17:05:15 GMT -5
njsojourner: I hope everyone is well! Thought I would share that I am still having a blast outsourcing. I now have a regular fuck buddy and she is great. Same situation as me but a few years younger. In fact, her sex drive is crazier than mine and stranger. Jul 16, 2021 21:50:15 GMT -5
njsojourner: Hi all. I thought I’d just share I am still having a blast — I now have a regular fuck buddy. She is younger by 6 years and full of energy and into fetishes-she likes to “force” me to have sex in public places —I love it. Jul 16, 2021 21:54:49 GMT -5
petrushka: lucky you! Jul 17, 2021 4:02:03 GMT -5
tamara68: : I am ok, thank you. The floods in Belgium are about 50 or 60 miles from where I live. The worst floods in decades. Jul 17, 2021 8:54:44 GMT -5
Handy: I looked up several pages about the European floods and I saw pictures of what were possibly small streams before the floods but with all of the rain, became fast moving rivers that overflow the river banks and took everything for a wild ride. Jul 19, 2021 15:13:23 GMT -5
petrushka: Oh man, if a river excavates 20-30 feet DOWN you have a bit of a weather event on your hands all right! Jul 19, 2021 21:39:01 GMT -5
tamara68: www.youtube.com/watch?v=wBP0qM4NHck floods in Germany, Belgium and the Netherlands Jul 20, 2021 11:34:50 GMT -5
njsojourner: Just checking in hoping everyone is working their way to their solution whatever it may be. Stay well and think positive! Jul 20, 2021 20:42:10 GMT -5
worksforme2: Happy Birthday bballgirl..... Jul 26, 2021 15:41:34 GMT -5