You've reached the "ILIASM Forum".

This is an active support community for men and women dealing with the causes and effects of living in a sexless marriage. Sexless marriages may be entirely devoid of intimacy, but the term is used clinically to include couples who engage in sex fewer than 10 times per year. The causes are many, but the effects are generally detrimental, and in some cases devastating.

What is "ILIASM"? It stands for "I Live In A Sexless Marriage".

If that applies to you, then you probably need this site.

Where can you turn for support and understanding with your sexless marriage? Counseling (both individual and marital therapy) can have some benefit, but is not a cure-all. (This is actually often discussed on the forum.) Your family and friends may not be able to understand the depth of your suffering, or you may be reluctant to share intimate details... especially if you feel no one will believe you or show due sympathy. There are books and advice websites galore which propose other ways to fix your situation.

We offer not a fix but support: first of all, the support in knowing that a normal healthy sex life is a reasonable expectation in a marriage. Second, we offer the wisdom of how to deal with the burdens you may be carrying, as we've been there, too. We'll share stories, resources, and lend an ear, a hand, or a shoulder. Third, we offer you insights and options. But only you can decide what is best for you.

This is a moderated forum: the community has posted Guidelines outlining what is allowed on the site and expectations of a supportive decorum. Volunteer moderators encourage all to provide earnest and well-meaning support. However, there is no "party line" here. There are many voices, many opinions, and many options. It is up to you to share enough of your experiences so that you can receive the input you need.

Feel free to start browsing the message boards in the forum to consider if you'd like to participate. (Non-members can read the posts, but not interact.) Membership is free, but you must be 18 years or older to register. Registered members may participate in discussions by asking questions, posting supportive answers, or commenting on other posts.

To browse now, continue to the main Forum page.


This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
wewbwb: Thank You and Happy New Year everyone! Dec 31, 2020 22:57:07 GMT -5
tamara68: And a belated happy birthday to you ! Jan 1, 2021 6:44:02 GMT -5
wewbwb: Thank you I hope all is well! Jan 7, 2021 7:05:56 GMT -5
mirrororchid: *REFUSED* ILIASM's unofficial podcast, episode 7. Hot off the servers:
Jan 13, 2021 20:41:29 GMT -5 *
jerri: :) Thanks, Jan 14, 2021 1:55:54 GMT -5
notdeadyet: I saw a bumper sticker on an old pickup truck years ago that I always think of in this context. It said: "I feel much better since I gave up hope." How many of us have come to that conclusion? Jan 16, 2021 15:24:09 GMT -5
DryCreek: I suppose that’s a variation on “Expectations are the source of all disappointment.” Jan 16, 2021 20:15:01 GMT -5
DryCreek: (I think that might be a Buddhist expression. It’s true, really. I think it’s reasonable to have expectations, but when you get to choose the yardstick that will determine your happiness, then disappointment really is in your control.) Jan 16, 2021 20:19:55 GMT -5
wewbwb: You are correct. I'm still learning to "just be" Jan 16, 2021 22:36:40 GMT -5
jerri: Good one notdeadyet wewbrb Jan 17, 2021 1:26:55 GMT -5
jerri: Anyone get their vaccine? Jan 18, 2021 0:50:18 GMT -5
Handy: The medical workers are still getting the available vaccine. The older population and high risk people might start getting the vaccine om Jan 20 or Jan 22 in my area. Jan 18, 2021 15:05:22 GMT -5
jerri: My husband, step-son, and his wife all got theirs. I am left, but I am sure it will be awhile. Great news :) good luck everyone. Jan 19, 2021 1:26:11 GMT -5
tooyoungtobeold: I got my first Covid vaccine (Moderna version) about a week and a half ago. Jan 20, 2021 16:59:41 GMT -5
Handy: I called for a Covid vaccine appointment. All of the vaccines were spoken for. Maybe next week or the week after that and so on. Jan 20, 2021 22:48:58 GMT -5
worksforme2: I fall into the 1b grouping, the 2nd tier of recipients in NC. I'm behind the essential 1a group consisting of medical, 1st responders, grocery clerks, etc, and people in prison. Maybe by July, August if I'm lucky. Jan 21, 2021 10:30:05 GMT -5
jerri: Handy, we have a website you can sign up on. They call when it is your turn, any chance you have something like that? Jan 21, 2021 13:28:32 GMT -5
jerri: , you are behind people in prison? WOW :-S looks like most would have better immunity! Nice @tooyoungtobeold. Jan 21, 2021 13:31:38 GMT -5
Handy: Jerri, one place has a sign-up website but I doubt they will e-mail me. So far my area has 3 places that got SOME vaccine but not much. The big push here are the Native American Reservations because they have a higher than normal infection rate. Jan 22, 2021 2:56:36 GMT -5
Handy: Jerri, Yes, prisoners come before 1b old folks. They live in confined areas where transmission rates are high. Jan 22, 2021 3:01:27 GMT -5