You've reached the "ILIASM Forum".

This is an active support community for men and women dealing with the causes and effects of living in a sexless marriage. Sexless marriages may be entirely devoid of intimacy, but the term is used clinically to include couples who engage in sex fewer than 10 times per year. The causes are many, but the effects are generally detrimental, and in some cases devastating.

What is "ILIASM"? It stands for "I Live In A Sexless Marriage".

If that applies to you, then you probably need this site.

Where can you turn for support and understanding with your sexless marriage? Counseling (both individual and marital therapy) can have some benefit, but is not a cure-all. (This is actually often discussed on the forum.) Your family and friends may not be able to understand the depth of your suffering, or you may be reluctant to share intimate details... especially if you feel no one will believe you or show due sympathy. There are books and advice websites galore which propose other ways to fix your situation.

We offer not a fix but support: first of all, the support in knowing that a normal healthy sex life is a reasonable expectation in a marriage. Second, we offer the wisdom of how to deal with the burdens you may be carrying, as we've been there, too. We'll share stories, resources, and lend an ear, a hand, or a shoulder. Third, we offer you insights and options. But only you can decide what is best for you.

This is a moderated forum: the community has posted Guidelines outlining what is allowed on the site and expectations of a supportive decorum. Volunteer moderators encourage all to provide earnest and well-meaning support. However, there is no "party line" here. There are many voices, many opinions, and many options. It is up to you to share enough of your experiences so that you can receive the input you need.

Feel free to start browsing the message boards in the forum to consider if you'd like to participate. (Non-members can read the posts, but not interact.) Membership is free, but you must be 18 years or older to register. Registered members may participate in discussions by asking questions, posting supportive answers, or commenting on other posts.

To browse now, continue to the main Forum page.


This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
petrushka: However, I feel that sexual politics, including political moves that impact the relationships between gender (misogynist, misandrist, etc) definitely deserve room in this context. Apr 23, 2020 16:22:59 GMT -5
fred: just calculated that i've spent somewhere near 19,000 days (& nights) as a "rejectee".AND that allows for 2,000+ days (& nights) on business travel apart from her. i've chosen to "stay" .....would never do that again, and can't as you see doing the math May 15, 2020 18:01:15 GMT -5
worksforme2: 19000 days and nights,....damn dude, that's 52 yrs. Jun 17, 2020 9:19:10 GMT -5
fred: you're a little short works - was thinking this AM, there has NEVER been a day when she indicated desire for me physically (other than for heavy lifting or finance)........LOL...........earlier, i had enough libido for both of us, now i'm left with guilt Jun 20, 2020 13:11:12 GMT -5
fred: over imposing myself on her rather than simply leaving .....DAMN LOVE ANYWAY ! Jun 20, 2020 13:12:12 GMT -5
mesulina: update everyone, still has not happened. I have now come to accept that I will live with out. It is just different now. Jun 29, 2020 19:32:31 GMT -5
worksforme2: Sorry mesulina,... but on the positive side you did stock up on toys a short time back,..now might be the time to go for the gusto Jun 30, 2020 17:42:54 GMT -5
grower: Embrace a change, you will wonder why you waited so long Jul 9, 2020 11:22:56 GMT -5
grower: Your life clock is ticking away, don't waste all your time. Live some. Jul 24, 2020 9:53:20 GMT -5
fred: blue guy, i was where you are 30 years ago. stayed.................nothing changed. if i didn't love this nice lady so much i'd be in deep regret. if she doesn't think of you in a hundred "other" ways (as does my wife) GET OUT ! Life is short Aug 10, 2020 17:43:15 GMT -5
mirrororchid: Episode 4 of *Refused*, ILIASM's unofficial podcast just released. drive.google.com/file/d/1wX41Xn1Z5fFKEQulCUjXFIECjXAiC7VF/view?usp=sharing Catch episodes 1-3 at the main thread: iliasm.org/thread/4855/podcasts Sept 9, 2020 18:07:38 GMT -5 *
jerri: Yuk on the plucking chicken feathers. If a chicken doesn't get sex and intimacy she just finds a beautiful cock sooner or later. I'd say there's a much higher "philandering" rate than anyone would care to admit. The rooster who is tormented findsa chicken! Sept 10, 2020 8:23:56 GMT -5
csl: And yet, there is an entire segment of ILIASM stayers. Sept 10, 2020 22:04:05 GMT -5
jerri: Exactly :) I have read multiple threads. I was very impressed with all the different solutions everyone has found. Intellectual group and the camaraderie is nice Sept 11, 2020 9:44:57 GMT -5
Handy: What happened to being light outside until 9:30 PM? It is 7:30 PM and dark now. :( Sept 20, 2020 20:46:01 GMT -5
jerri: It's not hot there? I am getting a slight break from the heat! Cheer up buddy! :) Sept 21, 2020 0:27:37 GMT -5
petrushka: Well WE are getting closer to summer. Just passed Equinox. I expect the solar panels will start paying for themselves again in the near future. (over the last few months they have merely mitigated the power bills). Sept 21, 2020 21:00:36 GMT -5
wewbwb: the average intelligence of the end posts rose greatly since I stopped posting ! Hope allis well! Sept 26, 2020 7:29:23 GMT -5
jerri: Don't be too busy to post. Come back, ! 💜 Sept 26, 2020 20:12:33 GMT -5
Handy: Jerri, you bring intelligence, so stop that nonsense. Sept 26, 2020 20:19:03 GMT -5