You've reached the "ILIASM Forum".

This is an active support community for men and women dealing with the causes and effects of living in a sexless marriage. Sexless marriages may be entirely devoid of intimacy, but the term is used clinically to include couples who engage in sex fewer than 10 times per year. The causes are many, but the effects are generally detrimental, and in some cases devastating.

What is "ILIASM"? It stands for "I Live In A Sexless Marriage".

If that applies to you, then you probably need this site.

Where can you turn for support and understanding with your sexless marriage? Counseling (both individual and marital therapy) can have some benefit, but is not a cure-all. (This is actually often discussed on the forum.) Your family and friends may not be able to understand the depth of your suffering, or you may be reluctant to share intimate details... especially if you feel no one will believe you or show due sympathy. There are books and advice websites galore which propose other ways to fix your situation.

We offer not a fix but support: first of all, the support in knowing that a normal healthy sex life is a reasonable expectation in a marriage. Second, we offer the wisdom of how to deal with the burdens you may be carrying, as we've been there, too. We'll share stories, resources, and lend an ear, a hand, or a shoulder. Third, we offer you insights and options. But only you can decide what is best for you.

This is a moderated forum: the community has posted Guidelines outlining what is allowed on the site and expectations of a supportive decorum. Volunteer moderators encourage all to provide earnest and well-meaning support. However, there is no "party line" here. There are many voices, many opinions, and many options. It is up to you to share enough of your experiences so that you can receive the input you need.

Feel free to start browsing the message boards in the forum to consider if you'd like to participate. (Non-members can read the posts, but not interact.) Membership is free, but you must be 18 years or older to register. Registered members may participate in discussions by asking questions, posting supportive answers, or commenting on other posts.

To browse now, continue to the main Forum page.


This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
Handy: I just read "The Babylon Bee" article "Blockage Cleared, Ships Moving At Record Speed As Chick-Fil-A Workers Put In Charge Of Suez Canal." Good humor. Mar 30, 2021 16:49:51 GMT -5
Handy: Petrushka, did you have any part in the movie "Black Sheep" en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Sheep_(2006_New_Zealand_film) Mar 30, 2021 17:06:35 GMT -5
petrushka: - nope, never even heard of this. One of my favourite NZ films (there's a surprising number) is "Meet the Feebles" by [early] Peter Jackson. Mar 31, 2021 2:34:07 GMT -5
petrushka: seriously good is "The Piano" by Jane Campion I think. A drama set in early NZ, before white people were firmly established. Mar 31, 2021 2:35:23 GMT -5
worksforme2: Happy Birthday rosie, Tamara68 and workingonit Apr 1, 2021 16:28:26 GMT -5
worksforme2: Freezing temps in the morning for the next 3 days= no peaches in the fall for me unless I buy them,... 2 yrs in a row...growing my own fruit has proven to be a losing proposition Apr 1, 2021 16:32:30 GMT -5
Handy: Meet the Feebles=weird! Apr 1, 2021 18:22:06 GMT -5
Deleted: Thank you, ! Apr 3, 2021 10:55:51 GMT -5
jerri: Lots of interesting comments. I am way behind. Sending hugs and a kiss on the cheek💋 Apr 8, 2021 0:11:19 GMT -5
roy: Hi All, I just joined, at 77. I've been in a sexless marriage for too many years ... Apr 9, 2021 15:26:32 GMT -5
petrushka: G'day Roy, welcome to the place most of us don't want to be. I am sure you will find lots of interesting personal stories and comments and reactions on the forum. Don't be shy about jumping in to talks ... Apr 9, 2021 15:47:25 GMT -5
mirrororchid: Agreed. Welcome Roy. Sorry you're here. For everyone else, the latest episode of *REFUSED*: "Addressing the Sexless Marriage - Part V" drive.google.com/file/d/1lVPR8Wtl6tbSO8gMv8e0YzrexhVfwBHh/view?usp=sharing Apr 9, 2021 17:59:59 GMT -5
worksforme2: Happy Birthday snowman12345.... Apr 11, 2021 6:41:17 GMT -5
Deleted: I wondered for a month how people know who have birthdays on any given day. Just found it! 😃 Apr 17, 2021 19:07:14 GMT -5
worksforme2: Seek and yea shall find, knock and it shall be open to you. Apr 18, 2021 6:35:40 GMT -5
jerri: Pull down your undies and you shall find cobwebs! Seek and you shall find cobweb removal! Apr 28, 2021 4:49:43 GMT -5
petrushka: Happy birthday Apr 29, 2021 15:11:05 GMT -5
worksforme2: Happy BD sweetplumeria.... Apr 29, 2021 15:28:56 GMT -5
mirrororchid: Season 1 of *REFUSED* the ILIASM unofficial podcast comes to a close with the end of CSL's "Addressing the Sexless Marriage" essay series: iliasm.freeforums.net/post/132489 May 4, 2021 18:40:14 GMT -5 *
jerri: Was my last night with FWB😶 we will see how l handle sexless in a month! I will be internally cranky! Hahaha Jun 18, 2021 4:11:18 GMT -5