Joining the club

I believe it's chapter 7 of dead bedroom fix where DSO says, in short, "Sometimes you do everything right, and it doesn't work."

For me, it was two weeks before Valentines' Day, three months before my 20th anniversary.
I told my wife I wanted to keep our 20th anniversary small because I wasn't going to make a big to do over our marriage. We weren't in great shape. We couldn't go on the way we were. I remember the words, "This will not stand."

20th came and went. By summer nothing had changed.

I got on dating sites to see if I had any shot at finding someone else.
Being rejected by your wife 360 days a year or more, four years straight gives some guys some self-doubt.

Six messages, two dates, one overt invitation.
I was found out before I'd gotten anywhere (which had been the intent anyway).
I made no apologies nor denials. 

The story is bigger than this, but I'm leaving some out.
My wife asked if I was going to date again some time later after having changed very little, and I said Yes. In two months when our daughter goes back to school and she won't see me gone for two or three hours and want an explanation. 
Again, my words: "I will be intimate with someone next year. I hope it's with you. But it won't be with nobody."
Mrs. MirrorOrchid reset and we've not been sexless for three and a half years so far.

Blunder8 had a similar approach and also saw his wife reset.
Two ILIASM ladies also planned to "outsource" intimacy. One had her husband reset. The other took a lover and her husband stayed.

Four open marriage announcements (not "ask"s, not threats, announcements.), four people, still married, all experiencing complete adult lives.

Four is a very small sample size, but 100% satisfaction rate is worth making note of.

If your wife makes your celibacy the cost of staying married that's on her. She's the one that busts up the marriage, not you.

That said, Baza's advice to be aware of the consequences of divorce is a very good idea. Some refusers are looking for any excuse. Many expect you to have a secret affair. Telling them in advance ruins their story of your being a deceitful monster and presents a new one: "I wanted to be divorced more than I wanted to have sex twice a month. with my spouse."  That isn't the look they're going for.
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