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Post by tiredoftears on Feb 10, 2018 22:53:37 GMT -5
"If women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy." Red Green I LOVE Red Green!
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Post by tiredoftears on Feb 6, 2018 22:28:57 GMT -5
"My problem is that it seems to assume that both parties are wanting to resume sex but life had interfered." johnwyo1 this is exactly what I thought while reading as well. My H and I are so far past any of these suggestions it's almost laughable (unfortunately). If only it were that easy! like you said,you and you husband ARE SO FAR PAST THIS. If you had had resorces to learn about this within the first year, it may have never gotten to the point it is now. I'm just trying to be hopeful, ya know? Mine has only been sexless two years, getting close to past the point of no return. I want to hope i don't have to endure what others like you have, necause I would lose my mknd. I don't have that kind of patience
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Post by tiredoftears on Feb 6, 2018 17:40:26 GMT -5
This article has the same problems that nearly all articles do when they engage this subject. Everything it says is obvious. Most of its advice seems fatuous in the context of a long term sexless marriage. If I read one more article that suggests we "spice up our sex life" with "variety" I'm going to throw my laptop across the room. In other words, the article is basically sight-seeing from the point of view of someone who has sex with their spouse and suffers minor complaints like sexual boredom. I disagree. It is a good article for people in the first year or two of their sexless marriage, before it becomes a set in habit, which is who it is designed for. It says you must seek help early on, or it is likely the sex will stay nonexistent. I believe in the first year, these are good goals. After two years, these are kimd of a reach. After three, they are probably stressful on both parties to even try, amd any time adter four years, it is best to just outsource. BUT, that is just my opinion.
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Post by tiredoftears on Feb 6, 2018 2:51:04 GMT -5
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Post by tiredoftears on Feb 5, 2018 15:42:00 GMT -5
I am thrilled by the manman-method. Not. Words that come to my mind are emotional blackmail, coercion, spousal abuse, bully. Certainly not words like respect, love, intimacy, passion. You cannot coerce love, desire, intimacy. You just fucking can't. If you're happy with coerced sex, then that's .... um, ok for you, but is it ok for your bonded mate? It's not ok in my world; certainly not desirable. Worse than a shit sandwich. Certainly wouldn't float my boat. Anger and despair are not the kind of passions I want to elicit. And, to go on record here, I've come across men with "manman's" 'sensibilities'. I cut people like that out of my life. I have nothing to say to an emotional gamma-minus, nor do they have any relevant revelations for me, except that part of the 'human race' barely qualifies. They have an emetic effect on me, if anything. Whilst I agree in principle with what you say (I really get it), I beleave manman is trying to emphasise that ‘he is important too’. In some ways all he is saying is “this is me, take me as I am or not as the case may be” We can all sit and argue that it’s never right to coerce someone in to having sex and we’d be right to do so. However it’s also never right to coerce someone in to celibacy. For all we know, manman’s wife may well experience a responsive desire for sex once the act begins and thus all he is doing is demanding/coercing the act to begin where as under normal circumstances it wouldn’t. Again, I want emphasise the point that I agree with not bullying someone in to sex they don’t want but is it so bad to demand effort (often interpreted as bullying) in terms of actually making room to start having sex? I would say no. If once she gets going she really isn’t in to this then of course, the act must stop immediately. Sometimes it’s our ‘extremely good nature’ and lack of willingness to request effort that gets us in to the type of mess in the first place. For example... Before I got married I should have been way more demanding in respect of sex and if denied, I should have demanded some rationale. This would have been described as bullying or coercion by many but is it? She would have been forced to tell me one of the following: I don’t desire you I don’t desire sex full stop Both of the above At least I would have been able to say “thanks for being honest, weddings off”. Unfortunately I simply went along with it and made excuses for her (genuinely believing it was just a phase). We can’t judge this properly until manman’s wife gives her views. Here! Here!
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Post by tiredoftears on Feb 4, 2018 20:01:57 GMT -5
Some of these women are just pissed off and depressed and have refused to do their "job" (housework) until the husband starts doing his "job"(putting out). That sounds one sided. My W does almost no housework and is hardly ever interested in me. And that.... I just cannot understand.
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Post by tiredoftears on Feb 4, 2018 18:39:43 GMT -5
^^^^^ My W had a stick in her craw for years about me cancelling the cleaning service her mother signed us up for. Did she stay home? Who are these women?? Royal princesses much?? Good grief! I’m so sorry ironhamster. Glad you found courage to move on. Some of these women are just pissed off and depressed and have refused to do their "job" (housework) until the husband starts doing his "job"(putting out).
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Post by tiredoftears on Feb 3, 2018 22:05:04 GMT -5
But I don't let it get to the point of bug infestations.... That's too much.
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Post by tiredoftears on Feb 3, 2018 22:02:24 GMT -5
Lazy? Stacks of dirty dishes, stacks of clean dishes, stacks and hampers of laundry, every table, counter, and flat space covered with something, storage tubs full of deferred decisions,... I don't know. What do you think? That's how my house looks aftet two years of no sex. Sigh... I remember when I wanted to keep it clean. That shit stopped about a year ago. I don't care if he works all day to come home to a dirty house. I told him till he takes care of business, he can pay a maid or deal with it. Depression is a factor too. While watching tv, there is a steady flow of data to distract my conscious thoughts. While cleaning, my brain runs wild and I think WAY TOO MUCH, and start to feel amgry, panicked, and upset in general, and that is when I am likely to get pissy enough to make snide comments and be mean in general. Then I'll start screaming and stuff, which is not good for the baby. Being "lazy" on the couch, I stay sedated, and we don't fight. The downside is, we don't come to any resolutions either though.
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Post by tiredoftears on Feb 3, 2018 3:34:46 GMT -5
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Post by tiredoftears on Feb 2, 2018 22:48:28 GMT -5
I am putting the odds at 50/50 that we never have sex again but have vowed to stick it out awhile longer for my kids if nothing else. What I am going to do about that is the million dollar question. Stay for my kids and my financial future, go to find another shot at happiness with someone else and a fulfilling sex life I've always dreamed and fantasized about.......TBD I don't have kids, so I might know nothing here, but I see people say stay for the kids and I wonder why. What good is it to show them a poor relationship growing up? Do people think they won't notice anything at all? They'll visit friends and see an entirely different dynamic and realize their home is not the same, at the very least. I thought staying for the kids went out decades ago. I think one reason people "stay for the kids" is because once a couple parts ways, one misses out on a lot of the kids life. The kid then spends time in two places with likely very different rules, and has far less stability. And usually you fight more after splitting up because of residual anger. Things are usually just easier to stay together.
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Post by tiredoftears on Feb 2, 2018 19:30:54 GMT -5
Sometimes the horse needs to be broken.
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Post by tiredoftears on Feb 2, 2018 19:04:25 GMT -5
To each their own. What I know is, I have done PLENTY of searching around in my 20s. He and I get along. He is not the jealous type, and continued to try to court me while I was a sex worker amd living with him platonically for over two years. We match well in every other aspect, just not the sex. Sex is important to me, so I am going to get it. I have been too depressed for too long about not getting it. I know I will never leave him, but I am gonna get me some D!
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Post by tiredoftears on Feb 2, 2018 18:25:46 GMT -5
I personally, don't care if my SO is passionate or not. I have a legitimate need to have sex. As long as he respects that and provides it for me, however that may be, I would be content. I would not care of he took a Viagra and just lie there till I got mine, as long as he was willing to put in at least that much effort. The problem is, he is not. So like I said, come the 12th, if he has no real answer and apology for why the sex stopped two years ago, I am finding a side piece on Craigslist. And since my sexual needs are SUPPOSED to be being met by him, (that is why I gave up sex work and my lifestyle to have a kid with him, right?) if it doesn't work out well on Craigslist, I am telling him it is HIS job to find me a lover. He is doing his job one way or another, or I will refuse to do mine, which I barely do anymore anyway by this point. And I used to do A LOT.
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Post by tiredoftears on Feb 2, 2018 15:59:32 GMT -5
Which would you prefer: A partner that cuddles you and loves you and kisses you and who you can share intimate secrets with but who never touches you sexually, or A partner who you have great sex with, every position and then some, whenever you want, but who cannot be intimate with you and can't even kiss you lovingly? I have neither, but I would prefer the sex.
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