|
Post by tiredoftears on Dec 29, 2017 2:31:37 GMT -5
It appears you have been quite diligent on your research and assessment. By the way a Big Congratulations on cleaning up your life for your child and yourself - that does not just happen with the snap of the fingers - a lot of work. Respect!!! Thank you. I take great pride in that myself. And to suddenly be denied so basic a need as sex by a partner when doing what is so obviously the right thing... It felt like punishment for being good.
|
|
|
Post by tiredoftears on Dec 29, 2017 2:16:39 GMT -5
No other escorts. I know for a fact. Until february 2017, he was watching a few hours of porn a day, while he sat on the toilet saying he was going number 2. I finally got him to fess up and made him quit that shit. I told him if I can't get dick for five fucking minutes, I'll be damned if he's gonna continue jerking it off and on all day to random cam girls and porn online. So for almost a year now, he has been completely sexless. No masturbating, no sex with me, no nothing. Trust me, ours is a long complicated story, and I have looked at it from every possible angle 1000 times over... It has to be the Madonna/whore syndrome. Our next appointment with the therapist isn't until mid January, and it is going to brought up then for sure.
|
|
|
Post by tiredoftears on Dec 28, 2017 23:00:47 GMT -5
Sorry to hear of your plight. As the sex stopped during pregnancy I am not so sure it is the archaic Freud theory of Madonna / Whore complex. I bet (and I am speaking as a Man with experience) it might have something to do with his perceived overwhelming anxiety of being a father or just feeling "trapped" from sex because it creates babies and obligations that perceive his freedom being taken away or something like that. I could be entirely wrong. Very good to hear you are seeing a Therapist. The truth is in there somewhere and the fact you are both willing to see a therapist and WORK on it speaks a presumption of good faith on his part. I am not so sure it is the "sex because it creates babies" issue, because i got fixed right after our son was born. The sex stopped right after my first sonogram. He made a bunch of jokes about a cold front coming in, because he said it looked like a weather dopplar map. I think the reality of " now there is a baby in her, and now she is becoming a good girl because she quit smoking, quit drinking, quit doing drugs, and is no longer a sex worker" is when it began. I hadn't been doing sex work for about half a year by the way, because I lost all my clients due to his stupid pets.
|
|
|
Post by tiredoftears on Dec 24, 2017 16:53:41 GMT -5
What grave irony that he found you as an escort & now you are “trapped” in a sexless marriage. Holy sheets. Granted, you aren’t trapped & you do have choices. But I’m glad you found the article & that you have a therapist to bring it up to. Thank you. I know, super ironic. He started as my client, after about three years we actually became an item. Now... No sex. It literally stopped my third month of pregnancy, right after my first sonogram. Hopefully, this therapy works.
|
|
|
Post by tiredoftears on Dec 24, 2017 11:52:34 GMT -5
I think I know the real reason why the sex stopped in our relationship. When he and I met, I was an escort. Then we got in a relationship, and as soon as I was pregnant with our child, the sex stopped. This explains it, and I am definitely bringing it up at our next meeting with the therapist. madonnawhore.compairedlife.com/problems/What-is-Madonna-Whore-Syndrome
|
|
|
Post by tiredoftears on Dec 23, 2017 3:26:48 GMT -5
A woman begging her partner,"Please just try to do this with me." Her partner holding back and slowing her down until eventually she will stop trying to drag him along and trying to get him to do something she hoped he was just apprehensive about, but now in hindsight, he had no interest in pursuing that particular journey and knew he could get her to give up eventually.
|
|
|
Post by tiredoftears on Dec 7, 2017 14:54:49 GMT -5
Southern California.
|
|
|
Post by tiredoftears on Oct 8, 2017 0:39:25 GMT -5
I layed in bed a good 3 hours last nicght contemplating if i had the balls do basically go beg for sex and possibly be denied or if it would jist be easier to handle business myself. Almost 3 months of no sex and only 2 times in the last 8... i basically felt mad. So i did it, i went and initiated and god yall it was horrible. He basically just took what he wanted and went to bed. I didnt even get close. Im so over it. I tried asking if we could slow things out and make out a bit, he obliged but i swear it just felt like he was going throigh the motions. What am i doing wrong, why is it so awkward. Ive always thought of myself as a really sexual person and last night i felt like it was my first time. I honestly dont think i can keep doing this. The few times I have basically demanded sex since it obviously became a chore to him, it has seemed exactly like that. He would be done in 2-5 minutes, and basically showed the enthusiasm of scrubbing dishes. SOOOO awkward. So... degrading, and not in a fun nasty way. Sigh.... We are supposed to go to our first counseling session Monday. I do not have high hopes. I hate that you feel so similar to me, yet am grateful I am not the only one. I wish it gets better for you.
|
|
|
Post by tiredoftears on Sept 5, 2017 0:52:55 GMT -5
We met through Backpage. I was doing "massage work" at the time, and he quickly became a regular, seeing me every week or two. And our story only gets long and complicated afterwards.
|
|
|
Post by tiredoftears on Aug 28, 2017 4:14:35 GMT -5
I seem to have this problem, and I would love it if I knew why. My ex tired of me after we'd been together about 6 years. He started staying out super late at night, drinking, smoking pot, and withholding sex. My current husband I guess decided he was kind of done with me once I got pregnant - though we started having issues at about 3 years into our relationship (I didn't respond as strongly to a world event as he would have liked). My friends do this too. They are all about hanging out and whatnot, then, after a few years, it's like they have no use for me anymore (the exceptions being my few closest friends). Any ideas? I don't ignore people. I respond quickly to texts, etc (maybe that's the problem?), and I will drop anything to be there for someone. Maybe I come on too strong? Or they decide I'm too quirky? One of the things my husband is always telling me is that I come across as "cold" and somewhat "calculating". Also self-absorbed. Just wondering if anyone knows what I'm talking a lot or can shed a light. I have about the same problem. Don't know of any advice to give, but at least you can know you are not the only one.
|
|
|
Post by tiredoftears on Aug 20, 2017 3:50:33 GMT -5
Counselling ? Onto the back burner. Issues with spouse ? Onto the other back burner. Marital situation ? Onto the side burner. Kids health ? Main burner. Front and centre. Full focus. Top priority. This group will still be here later on if you need us. I wish you all the best in regard to the primary issue in your life at this time Sister tiredoftears . Thank you. But I think the counseling is needed now more than ever. I hold a lot of resentment towards the father now, and with as depressed amd stressed as I have been BEFORE being extremely worried about our baby's health, now... I need help. I am not a very strong person. I can't keep eating myself into oblivion when I feel something negative or my stupid horny hormones kick in. Worrying about baby too... It's just becoming A LOT. And I need to find some better coping skills I can use to help me through all this, as I am sure the father does too.
|
|
|
Post by tiredoftears on Aug 20, 2017 3:25:06 GMT -5
Well.... It has been about a month since my outburst when he agreed maybe we could use some counsel. I have asked each weekend, specifically phrased,"Did you make any time this week to look into counseling?" Each time he said no, without a follow up of explanation why or any more comment on the matter. So that's three weekends in a row of a NO for reply. But, this third NO was followed by," I think they offer it at the Indian clinic I go to. We'll look into it Monday." Also, we just found out something may be wrong with our 14 month old son. He had this small lump on his left flank I noticed in December, we got sonogrammed when he was seven months in January, but at the time they determined it was just a hemangioma under the skin. They said at a year they would look again. His doctor has taken his blood twice in this last month for tests, but has not yet told us what the results say. There is a mass not only on his left flank under the skin but also one near his groin she had us take him to get an ultrasound on both, and the doctor there said she had never seen a mass quite like it. The one on his side has completely evolved into something else and is almost four times as large as it was in January. Afterwards his primary care doctor gave us referrals for a radiologist, oncologist, urologist, and pediatric surgeon and told us to schedule each of them as soon possible. So with that added, yeah, some counseling is definitely needed because I am... I don't even know....
|
|
|
Post by tiredoftears on Jul 31, 2017 11:19:25 GMT -5
I hate to say it, but I have to side with your H here in this case. Although your H has wronged you and not provided you sexually, the way you got angry with your H has made this situation worse because it has created a deep rift that is harder to recover. Besides the SM problem, it seems that you felt that you are bearing most of the weight of parenting (and rightly so) while you believe that your H did nothing. However, instead of talking to your H about this issue, you allow it to build up to a point where it explodes and has created a situation worse. I know because my wife did that to me several times. I tried to talk to my wife about going to counseling and she didn't think it is a problem. Oh yeah, in the first couple of years, my wife slept with my son and eventually she slept alone despite me asking me to sleep with her. Another reason why my I don't think my SM would last. Oh, no. See, since this started my fourth month of pregnancy, I have been bringing up the issue. First I just kinda inquired him curiously, and gently, after a few months of asking him to discuss it at least once a week, I began crying about it when I tried to discuss it, but still brought it up once every few weeks.... By the time the baby was born, I had attempted to engage him in conversation about the subject at least 20 times. I suggested maybe we go to counseling because his obsessive porn use and lack of sexual interest in me said something about our relationshio that was going to be an ever increasing issue of anxiety and stress. He refused to acknowledge therapy could be beneficial and insisted if I get "fixed" tgen be wouldn't worry about possibly getting me pregnant again, and our sex life would continue. So in August 2016, I got "fixed," now I can't have kids anymore. Still no sex, I asked and get turned down for reason after reason. From June 2016 to February 2017, I brought it up again, at least another ten times. In Februaury, I wrote a long heated letter I read to him where I screamed cried and cursed at him. The night before last.... I lost it. I acted a way I never had before and acted in a way I never thought I would. I was aggressive and screaming at the top of my lungs and crying and threatening to hit him - but you Know what? He FINALLY agreed to go to counseling.
|
|
|
Post by tiredoftears on Jul 29, 2017 21:19:03 GMT -5
*Anger* is very common in these situations (but whether people will admit that fact or not is another matter) *Anger* is also a pretty useless emotion, unless it propels you into action directed at the core problem. *Anger* can get you saying shit you don't mean, get you making threats you can't carry out, and is a highly useless state of mind, it clouds your thinking just at the very time you need to be thinking clearly. Usually, *anger* passes, and morphs instead into seething resentment over time. And that is not a good headspace to be in either. Could a case be made here to see a counsellor specialising in anger management ? If you can harness the anger and get it working for you rather than against you it can be a really good and positive thing to move you forward. Oh... I want to be a better person than this.... I do not like to feel so angry.... Thabk you for your words of thoughg, for I am in such a thoughtless place right now.
|
|
|
Post by tiredoftears on Jul 29, 2017 20:11:07 GMT -5
For over a month now, I have slept on the pull out sofa with my son. I feel I'm not getting any sex, so why should I sleep in the same bed as my s/o? Yesterday I sent him an angry text, beginning with how the doctors office messed up my sons appointment to get these weird lumps on his body sonogrammed, the middle saying I was depressed angry and stressed out, and ending with saying if he isn't going to fuck me anymore, it is high time he arrange for someone else to do it. He did not acknowledge the end part, but did bring up the doctor appointment, so I know he got the text.... Tuesday night I lay my son in his crib to sleep alone. I laid in bed with my s/o, gently woke him up, said the baby was in his own bed (hoping SOOOOO HARD that maybe tonight will be different) and he said okay and rolled back over to go to sleep. The instant and overwhelming anger I felt, well... I had not quite experienced it that way before. I wanted to hurt him. I wanted to shove him off the bed and SCREAM at him and HIT him! I lay there picturing it and fuming a while, then grabbed a pillow and sheet from the hall closet and lay on my son's bexroom floor to sleep. Since that night, I just feel SOOOOO angry. I have read stories about wives dping malicious things because of a husband who denied sex, and I feel now I understand why! I do not think very highly of myself now for these horrible thoughts, but assume I cannot be the only one having them. All week I have just been so angry. Depressed is normal, drained of energy is normal, anxious is normal, and many other feelings of shame, humiliation, isolation, and fear of living like this forever are all normal-for me anyway(and by normal, I mean have become commonplace). But this ANGER... this is different.
|
|