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Post by tiredoftears on Dec 24, 2017 11:52:34 GMT -5
I think I know the real reason why the sex stopped in our relationship. When he and I met, I was an escort. Then we got in a relationship, and as soon as I was pregnant with our child, the sex stopped. This explains it, and I am definitely bringing it up at our next meeting with the therapist. madonnawhore.compairedlife.com/problems/What-is-Madonna-Whore-Syndrome
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Post by GeekGoddess on Dec 24, 2017 16:10:52 GMT -5
What grave irony that he found you as an escort & now you are “trapped” in a sexless marriage. Holy sheets. Granted, you aren’t trapped & you do have choices. But I’m glad you found the article & that you have a therapist to bring it up to.
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Post by tiredoftears on Dec 24, 2017 16:53:41 GMT -5
What grave irony that he found you as an escort & now you are “trapped” in a sexless marriage. Holy sheets. Granted, you aren’t trapped & you do have choices. But I’m glad you found the article & that you have a therapist to bring it up to. Thank you. I know, super ironic. He started as my client, after about three years we actually became an item. Now... No sex. It literally stopped my third month of pregnancy, right after my first sonogram. Hopefully, this therapy works.
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Post by M2G on Dec 24, 2017 18:11:01 GMT -5
Sorry to hear that tiredoftears Sometimes, if not most times, my fellow males of the species completely baffle me - so I'll apologize for him, for what its worth.
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Post by james on Dec 27, 2017 8:52:31 GMT -5
Hi tiredoftears , I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. I read your previous thread about how angry your SM was making you, back in August. I hope that you have found some resolution. I was in the angry phase for a long time, years, but I have moved on from it into 'acceptance' and I find it a much happier place to be. Mind you, the only way I have been able to 'accept' my SM is by gradually formulating an exit plan. I think that accepting it without a plan either to exit or to outsource would be a very, very difficult thing for me, and I am sure for others, too. There was also some talk about your putting your SM on the backburner while you dealt with your child's health issues. Right and proper of course but also a very, very difficult thing. I remember a couple of years ago trying really hard to get my wife on board with addressing our SM. Then she had a cancer scare and it all went out the window for a couple of months. I tried to bite my lip but it was one of the most frustrating and difficult times of my life. I hope your kid is doing ok now and the docs have figured out what is going on and how to manage it. As for Madonna/whore syndrome in your husband- maybe, maybe not. I wouldn't assume that his attitude to sex now is entirely a result of your past life without some strong evidence to back it up, though.
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Post by McRoomMate on Dec 28, 2017 22:40:09 GMT -5
Sorry to hear of your plight. As the sex stopped during pregnancy I am not so sure it is the archaic Freud theory of Madonna / Whore complex.
I bet (and I am speaking as a Man with experience) it might have something to do with his perceived overwhelming anxiety of being a father or just feeling "trapped" from sex because it creates babies and obligations that perceive his freedom being taken away or something like that. I could be entirely wrong.
Very good to hear you are seeing a Therapist. The truth is in there somewhere and the fact you are both willing to see a therapist and WORK on it speaks a presumption of good faith on his part.
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Post by tiredoftears on Dec 28, 2017 23:00:47 GMT -5
Sorry to hear of your plight. As the sex stopped during pregnancy I am not so sure it is the archaic Freud theory of Madonna / Whore complex. I bet (and I am speaking as a Man with experience) it might have something to do with his perceived overwhelming anxiety of being a father or just feeling "trapped" from sex because it creates babies and obligations that perceive his freedom being taken away or something like that. I could be entirely wrong. Very good to hear you are seeing a Therapist. The truth is in there somewhere and the fact you are both willing to see a therapist and WORK on it speaks a presumption of good faith on his part. I am not so sure it is the "sex because it creates babies" issue, because i got fixed right after our son was born. The sex stopped right after my first sonogram. He made a bunch of jokes about a cold front coming in, because he said it looked like a weather dopplar map. I think the reality of " now there is a baby in her, and now she is becoming a good girl because she quit smoking, quit drinking, quit doing drugs, and is no longer a sex worker" is when it began. I hadn't been doing sex work for about half a year by the way, because I lost all my clients due to his stupid pets.
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Post by northstarmom on Dec 28, 2017 23:30:13 GMT -5
Some men seevescorts because they prefer paid company to going through the emotional work of establishing a real romance. They are uncomfortable with intimacy that is more permanent and authentic.
I wonder whether the problem is your husband is seeing escorts again and is more comfortable with that kind of relationship than a permanent one involving a commitment to a wife and child.
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Post by McRoomMate on Dec 29, 2017 2:02:02 GMT -5
Some men seevescorts because they prefer paid company to going through the emotional work of establishing a real romance. They are uncomfortable with intimacy that is more permanent and authentic. I wonder whether the problem is your husband is seeing escorts again and is more comfortable with that kind of relationship than a permanent one involving a commitment to a wife and child. Ooh man. I fear northstarmom may be on to something. His Libido did not evaporate but perhaps has changed directions. This is entirely plausible. Whatever the motivation - this very well could be the case - no fun to think this so. If he has his "Madonna" then is now seeking his other extreme? I fear this might be worth pursuing.
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Post by tiredoftears on Dec 29, 2017 2:16:39 GMT -5
No other escorts. I know for a fact. Until february 2017, he was watching a few hours of porn a day, while he sat on the toilet saying he was going number 2. I finally got him to fess up and made him quit that shit. I told him if I can't get dick for five fucking minutes, I'll be damned if he's gonna continue jerking it off and on all day to random cam girls and porn online. So for almost a year now, he has been completely sexless. No masturbating, no sex with me, no nothing. Trust me, ours is a long complicated story, and I have looked at it from every possible angle 1000 times over... It has to be the Madonna/whore syndrome. Our next appointment with the therapist isn't until mid January, and it is going to brought up then for sure.
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Post by McRoomMate on Dec 29, 2017 2:24:11 GMT -5
It appears you have been quite diligent on your research and assessment.
By the way a Big Congratulations on cleaning up your life for your child and yourself - that does not just happen with the snap of the fingers - a lot of work. Respect!!!
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Post by tiredoftears on Dec 29, 2017 2:31:37 GMT -5
It appears you have been quite diligent on your research and assessment. By the way a Big Congratulations on cleaning up your life for your child and yourself - that does not just happen with the snap of the fingers - a lot of work. Respect!!! Thank you. I take great pride in that myself. And to suddenly be denied so basic a need as sex by a partner when doing what is so obviously the right thing... It felt like punishment for being good.
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Post by mescaline on Dec 30, 2017 1:50:03 GMT -5
I suspect the Madonna/whore is quite a frequent occurrence in many of the SMs out there. I've stumbled across it many times in my research into my situation. I've tried to recreate it in my marriage as a response to my wife's behaviour (I don't know if she is a "sufferer" of this condition), unfortunately to no avail!
I suspect that psychological problems cannot be manufactured as coping mechanisms, which is probably for the best really.
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