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Post by tiredoftears on Feb 6, 2018 2:51:04 GMT -5
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Post by baza on Feb 6, 2018 5:40:10 GMT -5
There are three (3) types of spouses.
#1 - is sexually attracted to you #2 - is sexually indifferent to you #3 - is sexually averse to you.
If your spouse is sexually attracted to you, then you probably are not a member of this group. But you'd do no harm in reading the linked article. It might provide some hints for you to enhance your love life.
If your spouse is sexually indifferent to you, then this linked article by "Kelsey Boressen" might possibly, mebbe, perhaps be worth a read. It is essentially scented candles fare.
If your spouse is sexually averse to you, you can forget the article having any relevance for your present ILIASM shithole. But it might be worthwhile reading for future reference - say if in future you end up in a more normal relationship with a spouse who actually IS sexually attracted to you.
Quite a good article I reckon, but the target audience appears to be jaded marriages, not ILIASM shitholes.
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Post by northstarmom on Feb 6, 2018 6:53:44 GMT -5
Especially relevant:
“The sooner you bring it up with your partner, the better. “I work with couples every day who said they were not sure how to bring it up, or if they did bring it up, it led to conflict so they eventually stopped bringing it up. Couples collude in silence. They decide it is easier to have no sex at all than to deal with the hurt feelings and unpredictable emotions, such as guilt or anger. Intervening before the problem takes on a life of its own is key. One way to bring it up is to say that you value both your and your partner’s sexual health and overall well-being. Remember that having sex on a regular basis has many emotional and physical benefits!”
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Post by johnwyo1 on Feb 6, 2018 10:21:28 GMT -5
There are three (3) types of spouses. #1 - is sexually attracted to you #2 - is sexually indifferent to you #3 - is sexually averse to you. If your spouse is sexually attracted to you, then you probably are not a member of this group. But you'd do no harm in reading the linked article. It might provide some hints for you to enhance your love life. If your spouse is sexually indifferent to you, then this linked article by "Kelsey Boressen" might possibly, mebbe, perhaps be worth a read. It is essentially scented candles fare. If your spouse is sexually averse to you, you can forget the article having any relevance for your present ILIASM shithole. But it might be worthwhile reading for future reference - say if in future you end up in a more normal relationship with a spouse who actually IS sexually attracted to you. Quite a good article I reckon, but the target audience appears to be jaded marriages, not ILIASM shitholes. Can a spouse be all three at times? Sort of bipolar about it? Say something like, "I'm hot; want me to take off my pants?" Or grab/slap your butt and say how sexy it is, then be indifferent a short time later? And later still be upset you're aroused by her? I found the article interesting. But I'm not sure it's comprehensive.
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Post by waterman on Feb 6, 2018 15:02:13 GMT -5
This article has the same problems that nearly all articles do when they engage this subject. Everything it says is obvious. Most of its advice seems fatuous in the context of a long term sexless marriage. If I read one more article that suggests we "spice up our sex life" with "variety" I'm going to throw my laptop across the room. In other words, the article is basically sight-seeing from the point of view of someone who has sex with their spouse and suffers minor complaints like sexual boredom.
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Post by johnwyo1 on Feb 6, 2018 17:10:44 GMT -5
This article has the same problems that nearly all articles do when they engage this subject. Everything it says is obvious. Most of its advice seems fatuous in the context of a long term sexless marriage. If I read one more article that suggests we "spice up our sex life" with "variety" I'm going to throw my laptop across the room. In other words, the article is basically sight-seeing from the point of view of someone who has sex with their spouse and suffers minor complaints like sexual boredom. My problem is that it seems to assume that both parties are wanting to resume sex but life had interfered. For example, "Couples collude in silence." That means they are cooperating in the lack of sex. We are not, in my marriage, cooperating about much especially not having sex. Or, the recommendation to have a make-out session. I'd love to just make out. Heck, it would be like a dating situation and would be wonderful. I'd gladly go "home" and jerk off like I did when I was a teenager after wonderful kissing. Advice for some couples, I am sure, is good from the article but it's like telling a cancer patient to eat healthy for my relationship.
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Post by tiredoftears on Feb 6, 2018 17:40:26 GMT -5
This article has the same problems that nearly all articles do when they engage this subject. Everything it says is obvious. Most of its advice seems fatuous in the context of a long term sexless marriage. If I read one more article that suggests we "spice up our sex life" with "variety" I'm going to throw my laptop across the room. In other words, the article is basically sight-seeing from the point of view of someone who has sex with their spouse and suffers minor complaints like sexual boredom. I disagree. It is a good article for people in the first year or two of their sexless marriage, before it becomes a set in habit, which is who it is designed for. It says you must seek help early on, or it is likely the sex will stay nonexistent. I believe in the first year, these are good goals. After two years, these are kimd of a reach. After three, they are probably stressful on both parties to even try, amd any time adter four years, it is best to just outsource. BUT, that is just my opinion.
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Post by choosinghappy on Feb 6, 2018 21:46:04 GMT -5
"My problem is that it seems to assume that both parties are wanting to resume sex but life had interfered." johnwyo1 this is exactly what I thought while reading as well. My H and I are so far past any of these suggestions it's almost laughable (unfortunately). If only it were that easy!
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Post by johnwyo1 on Feb 6, 2018 21:48:11 GMT -5
"My problem is that it seems to assume that both parties are wanting to resume sex but life had interfered." johnwyo1 this is exactly what I thought while reading as well. My H and I are so far past any of these suggestions it's almost laughable (unfortunately). If only it were that easy! I think me and my right hand are going to try some of them. I hope it will bring back the fire.
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Post by choosinghappy on Feb 6, 2018 21:49:01 GMT -5
LOL! Make sure you light a few candles ;-)
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Post by tiredoftears on Feb 6, 2018 22:28:57 GMT -5
"My problem is that it seems to assume that both parties are wanting to resume sex but life had interfered." johnwyo1 this is exactly what I thought while reading as well. My H and I are so far past any of these suggestions it's almost laughable (unfortunately). If only it were that easy! like you said,you and you husband ARE SO FAR PAST THIS. If you had had resorces to learn about this within the first year, it may have never gotten to the point it is now. I'm just trying to be hopeful, ya know? Mine has only been sexless two years, getting close to past the point of no return. I want to hope i don't have to endure what others like you have, necause I would lose my mknd. I don't have that kind of patience
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Post by johnwyo1 on Feb 6, 2018 22:48:07 GMT -5
LOL! Make sure you light a few candles ;-) And I'm going to put on my favorite Barry White album, dress in a thong and silk kimono, and get some of that KY His and Hers stuff.
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Post by ironhamster on Feb 6, 2018 23:55:19 GMT -5
Trying to spice up my sex life with my wife was one of the things that got me to realize the futility of it all.
Can a spouse fit into all three categories? I doubt it, but a #3 can pretend to be a #1 for brief periods of time. Whether my wife was indifferent or averse makes little difference. Without pressure, it was not going to happen, even in the most ideal of circumstances.
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Post by baza on Feb 6, 2018 23:58:06 GMT -5
Quoting you here Brother johnwyo1 - "Can a spouse be all three at times? Sort of bipolar about it? Say something like, "I'm hot; want me to take off my pants?" Or grab/slap your butt and say how sexy it is, then be indifferent a short time later? And later still be upset you're aroused by her?
I found the article interesting. But I'm not sure it's comprehensive."If your spouse is prone to acting in such a manner - ie continually taking up different positions and then changing that position willy nilly, then you have a real "why" chase on your hands. In the interests of surety, you might be best served to not undertake that why chase. And instead, whatever she says or does, take it as "no". You'll be right most of the time.
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Post by elkclan2 on Feb 7, 2018 9:23:24 GMT -5
I don't think this article would have been helpful to me really and says what a lot of previous ones have, too. But I think it's absolutely fantastic that there are now more of these articles out there now for people at earlier stages of their sexless relationship. It says "It's not ok". Personally, I think my SM spouse is sexually dysfunctional and no variety or heart to heart chats were going to fix it. Maybe it wouldn't have even been possible for him to fix it if he'd wanted to, but he didn't seem interested in that, partly because he didn't want to fuck me. Dysfunction over disinterest or maybe even distaste...who knows? Whatever, it wasn't salvageable. But I do wish I'd felt freer earlier on to say "sex is important to me and this isn't right".
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