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Post by tiredoftears on Oct 9, 2018 0:47:40 GMT -5
Oh, weight gain, big time! Never diminished my libido, though. I'd hoped if I got fat, I wouldn't want it as much.... or something like that. Didn't work. Gained a LOT of weight. A lot. However, many kinksters I've met don't care. Some prefer it. I'm still cute in the face, and many have told me I have an "innocent" look that makes the fact I'm kibkyyand in a sexless relationship outsourcing even more of a turn on.
I'll lose weight eventually, but it's going to be a big lifestyle change, and it would be easier when the baby is a bit older, and can help with some chores, instead of I put chores off because I'm too stressed about him getting into everything. Lol.
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Post by tiredoftears on Sept 30, 2018 8:06:54 GMT -5
I guess he is. We discussed it in couple's counseling, but he refused to admit that "was his thing". He insisted he just wants me to be happy, and if I choose to go elsewhere to get my needs fulfilled, that's fine with him.
It's working okay, as far as I can tell. It's okay with me, it gives me a break from the house and the baby, plus I get the sex, and other kink play.
He doesn't seem bothered by it at all. In fact, he usually asks about once a week how my FetLife friends are, and makes sure to remember any plans I make, puts a reminder in his phone.
Do yeah.... I guess it's working. I'm not angry all the time like I was a year ago, when I joined this forum. We sleep in the same bed, and he is more affectionate than he was a year ago.
What is working for me wouldn't work for everyone, but I hope other people have the option I have. If I had to sneak around, I don't think it would work for me. I'd feel guilty. I'm glad he is understanding, or a secret cuck, or whatever he is.
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Post by tiredoftears on Sept 30, 2018 2:39:21 GMT -5
I moved to the living room pull out futon with the baby, and after a few months of that, he agreed to couples counseling.
A few months of counseling, and he bought a king size bed and we all started sleeping in it. Still no sex.
A few more months and I told him I am going to start fucking other people. He consented.
After I fuck someone else, he usually shows interest again for about a week, being more affectionate, sometimes even initiating sex himself, or wake me up by giving me a full body sensual massage with some lotion, which he had never done before I started fucking others, but has now done three times in the last few months.
I am currently at a motel with one of my "playmates". Had a fun night, he fell asleep. I got mine several times over. (Yay!)
Ya never know how things will turn out.
I'm going home in the morning, and I'm sure he'll be all lovey dovey again. Hehe
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Post by tiredoftears on Aug 23, 2018 12:23:31 GMT -5
I fully agree with ironhamster. Bring up the outsourcing. Worked a charm for me.
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Post by tiredoftears on Aug 14, 2018 9:55:45 GMT -5
Who else here LOVES this show? www.google.com/amp/s/m.huffpost.com/us/entr…Here's an article and video clip from the latest episode of Who Is America, with Sacha Baron Cohen. Amazing... He got this far right winger to get on his knees and put his mouth on a strap on dildo, on camera, knowing it would be used for a show.
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Post by tiredoftears on Aug 8, 2018 4:47:57 GMT -5
Hi Everyone: I just joined and have been reading many posts over the past hour or so. I’m surprised that I have not seen that many posts regarding porn and SM. I am 55 and have been married for 25 years to a man who prefers porn to me. It’s been that way since I was pregnant with my only child. I’m sure you’re asking yourselves why I stayed so long. The simple truth is because of that one child. But it’s not for the common reason people usually give. I just couldn’t bring myself to give up a single minute of opportunity to raise my child. So I chose to stay. Now my child is grown and gone and I’m struggling with so much unhappiness. I don’t like the person I’m becoming. I fight depression every day by going to the gym and immersing myself in work. I know I need to leave and have told my husband so. Now, he is being very nice and accommodating which is making it that much more difficult. I keep reminding myself that he still indulges in porn and has not touched me in the month since I told him I wanted out of the marriage. Yet, I’m still hesitant to make that final step. Anyone else in the same situation? How are you dealing with it? Why is it so hard to leave a marriage that you know will never be what you need? Any support and advice would be appreciated! You don't HAVE to leave. You could get your action on the side. Works for some.
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Post by tiredoftears on Jul 25, 2018 3:08:24 GMT -5
We should remember one member over the last year that was able to fix her sexless marriage to at least some degree. tiredoftears husband turned out to have a sort of cuck fetish. He began supporting his wife's outsourcing, and started having sex with her again. I have no idea how the story turned out. It is certainly an outlier, but I am optimistic that they found an arrangement that, no matter how unorthodox, worked for them. Thank you for the comments! Still going great! We get along fabulously now! I visit a dungeon twice a month, have a playmate that comes over a few days a week!
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Post by tiredoftears on Jun 4, 2018 16:42:47 GMT -5
Again, I think you are misconstruing what I say and choosing to be offended. I am saying they can not, should not, and do not not take the place of people. I am NOT choosing to be offended. One is either offended by something, or one is not. I said, you insulted animal lovers by saying it only works for those whose minds are easily influenced. I am not insulted by being in your category because I know my own mind, and I know you are wrong. You sound very intolerant of how others think and do, and not being a pet person, you can’t possibly know about such things, never having the experience of loving animals. Again, my point is not to expect pets to replace all human interaction. I don't know how that is not clear to you. You want a pet to SUPPLEMENT your life? Fine. Just don't rely on them for all your social needs. And that is a pretty rude assumption you made, saying I have never loved animals. I have had many pets I loved dearly throughout my life. I am not a pet person at this point in my life, because I have other priorities that come first, like my two year old. A human. Pets are meant to SUPPLEMENT, not be the sole support system. Again, to be clear on my opinion.
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Loneliness
May 30, 2018 15:34:12 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by tiredoftears on May 30, 2018 15:34:12 GMT -5
My point was, again, to not rely on pets to fill a need for human connection. To get out there and make a human friend. You are right about me not liking pets, but those studies are flawed. Look into the actual logistics of the studies, and you will see the reality of the situation. Pets are a placebo. That's it. That's why they don't work but for the few people whose minds are easily influenced. Again, just MY opinion. To say they don’t work is definitely your opinion. My pets were certainly not a placebo. I loved them dearly, and I would have loved them even if I’d had a good and loving partner. They brought us, and I’d venture to say, millions of people, great comfort and joy. I think it’s just your opinion based on not feeling love for animals. You cannot know the hearts of others. To say, they only work for a few whose minds are easily influenced is really ignorant as well as insulting to animal lovers. Again, I think you are misconstruing what I say and choosing to be offended. I am saying they can not, should not, and do not not take the place of people.
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Loneliness
May 27, 2018 23:06:53 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by tiredoftears on May 27, 2018 23:06:53 GMT -5
I would never recommend a pet. From what I have seen, people SEEM TO THINK they help, but I fail to see how they do. It's like putting a band-aid on a staph infection or a brown recluse bite. Something dark and ugly keeps festering underneath the surface. Friends I have known that have gotten pets to keep them company, generally start with one, then get another, and another, but then they still always complain of feeling lonely, no matter how attached they think they are to the animals. A REAL HUMAN CONNECTION is what is being sought, so find it. Volunteer somewhere, join a book club, take up gardening at a public garden and chat with other there, hell - do what I did and join FetLife and go to local munches! Did wonders for my loneliness and lack of a social life. Maybe I'm anti-pet, maybe I am a realist, but if you are lonely, an animal isn't going to give you what you need. You need human people. My pets were a lifesaver to me, and are to many people. I don’t have them now, and I do miss them. I would say you are not a pet person. That’s okay, but it’s well documented that people with pets (at least those who love and want them) fare better with loneliness and live longer than those who don’t. You can make a connection with anything if you have enough love for the thing. Some find love in their plants and garden. Some with pets. We are all connected, and we all need connection, and not everyone has family or a relationship to have that connection. My point was, again, to not rely on pets to fill a need for human connection. To get out there and make a human friend. You are right about me not liking pets, but those studies are flawed. Look into the actual logistics of the studies, and you will see the reality of the situation. Pets are a placebo. That's it. That's why they don't work but for the few people whose minds are easily influenced. Again, just MY opinion.
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Post by tiredoftears on May 27, 2018 3:46:45 GMT -5
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Post by tiredoftears on May 27, 2018 3:26:44 GMT -5
I would never recommend a pet. From what I have seen, people SEEM TO THINK they help, but I fail to see how they do. It's like putting a band-aid on a staph infection or a brown recluse bite. Something dark and ugly keeps festering underneath the surface. Friends I have known that have gotten pets to keep them company, generally start with one, then get another, and another, but then they still always complain of feeling lonely, no matter how attached they think they are to the animals.
A REAL HUMAN CONNECTION is what is being sought, so find it. Volunteer somewhere, join a book club, take up gardening at a public garden and chat with other there, hell - do what I did and join FetLife and go to local munches! Did wonders for my loneliness and lack of a social life.
Maybe I'm anti-pet, maybe I am a realist, but if you are lonely, an animal isn't going to give you what you need. You need human people.
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Post by tiredoftears on Apr 13, 2018 2:31:35 GMT -5
Just a comment on this Sister MarianCali - "I just need to make sure I've exhausted everything before I call it quits" You never achieve that *everything* as there is always one more thing to try. Potentially if you are going to chase that through, you'll not only use up the next 10 years, you'll use up either your (or his) allotted life span. The term - "run the clock on it" comes up a fair bit in this group, and it is a pretty sound principle. It requires YOU to mandate when the circus is to end and on what basis it is to end. It is a self imposed deadline you set yourself to hold yourself accountable. Setting that deadline is the thing. A former member here @vegas , argued that if 90 days was not enough time to fix a situation then it was not fixable at all...on ANY timeframe. And there is a huge body of evidence in this group that supports his position. 90 days ? 10 years ? Given the intractable nature of ILIASM shitholes, if you plump for 90 days, you'll save yourself 9.75 years. The 90 days reminded me of my dating rule growing up. I refused to be in a relationship for more than three months if there was a problem I saw as something that would continue to come up from a partner. In other words, if I was making compromises in the relationship and they weren't, it was over on the three month mark, and compromises have always been easy for me to make myself, but others rarely would. Even at the age of 14, I had this rule, and stuck by it. I agree, 90 days of saying something is a problem for it not to be resolved means it never will. Loving getting to play on the side though! Honesty was my best policy!
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Post by tiredoftears on Apr 10, 2018 20:06:42 GMT -5
Lowering, what if the trut is that she has never more than liked you but married you because you love her and give her a comfortable life? What if she has always not been sexually attracted to you and can’t imagine becoming sexually attracted to you? What if she is willing to remain married for the benefits she receives but the marriage will never include the kind of love you want? I don't think that is such a bad thing. That is why I am in my relationship. Sexual attraction towards another person for me is rare, at least in the lusting sense I think other people feel. Sex is sex, and sex feels good and I have had hundreds of sexual partners, but none that I really care to settle down with. I guess I look at my relationship differently. Not sure why he chose me, but I chose him because he is a stable person and good provider. I have never lusted after him, he is not particularly sexy, but I do want to have sex with him, even if he doesn't reciprocate that desire. I am glad he and I agreed that I get to have freedom to have sexual relations with other people. It is still difficult, because I do feel some guilt and anxiety about it, but I think things will work out in the long run. I still think he needs to see a sex therapist though.
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Post by tiredoftears on Feb 28, 2018 22:01:15 GMT -5
Congratulations on your 100% honesty with him. I wonder if once you have someone else providing your sexual needs if he will become more attentive, even initiating sexual encounters. Or maybe he has a cuckold fetish. Whatever his motivation is if it works for you and him then good luck and have fun. Ding ding ding! We have a winner!!! You know, I honestly think that has a lot to do with it, because when I was still "playing" with other people and doing sex work, he was all into it, and we had sex a few times a week. After I stopped, so did our sex. Even the counselor told him she thinks that is part of it, that's why his first marraige was to a stripper wgo slept with other mwn, and why he pursued me for years as a sex worker. Thank you for the good luck wish!
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