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Post by workingonit on Sept 28, 2018 9:27:58 GMT -5
Curious about how SM has impacted your weight. Maybe we need a poll?
I feel like lots of people mention this but lets have a direct talk.
For me, being sexless was a part of an overall weight gain. How much a part I don't know. But a few years ago I decided to lose weight and did. I have to say that when I lost weight and exercised more my libido woke up and it became much harder to be in my sm. I felt sexier in my body and felt more alive.
I think gaining weight is a way we numb or diminish our libidos. For me this is true.
Now I am NOT talking about a bit of softness or what I think of as healthy weight. I do not think you need to be or should be skinny, hard body, whatever to be beautiful or sexy. I have always liked men with meat on them and have always had some extra weight myself. (You know, in case I need to survive on a desert island- it is just safer that way!)
But I feel sexier when my weight is at a comfortable place for me and I do not feel fat. This is a personal and not societal definition. And 2 years ago when I started dealing with my sm and facing my sexless state I noticed I started losing weight. I am now at a good place and my libido is high.
So I am curious: Do you/ did you put on weight when you are sexless? Do you/ have you lost weight when you are having sex? Is there an uncomfortable level of overweight that diminishes your libido? Has being uncomfortably overweight helped you live in you SM?
Basically curious about the relationship between sex and being uncomfortably overweight (whatever that is for you)
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Post by greatcoastal on Sept 28, 2018 10:50:21 GMT -5
My weight has done the most up and down in all my years during and after the divorce.
Fortunately I was blessed with a high metabolism. That said now that I am 54 yrs old I can't rely on that as much, I have to watch what I eat.
Yet during my 20 years of a SM, there was little concern about my body and my weight. Once you get that ring on your finger,after your hooked in, the element of "safe zone" leads to pacifity. Especially with a partner who is content with vanilla and is not concerned with looks.
During my divorce I joined the gym again, I stopped drinking soda and eating snacks. In 6 months I was back to my old college weight. (Back then the only way I could gain any weight was muscle.) It increased my labido even more. I looked around at the other men in the gym and considered myself at least in the top 20%. I would look at the other woman in the gym and then see my now ex, and consider her in the bottom 3 %
Being not overweight and fit again , began to feel even more difficult in my SM. Not knowing how long the entire SM was going to drag out made it more difficult. Especially with my labido feeling increased.
After the divorce, the stress level, depression, and/or PTSD, had me drinking soda again, not going to the gym for a year ,near the end of the divorce, and not eating meals but back to too much "comfort" food. I gained 16 lbs. % wise that is the most ever for me.
Now that I am single again,and healing, I've changed my diet again and am back to the gym, and riding my bike. I've lost 10 lbs in the past 2 months.
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Post by DryCreek on Sept 28, 2018 11:13:37 GMT -5
It has slowly crept on over the years, to the tune of probably 60 pounds. Maybe influenced more by thyroid performance than comfort eating or indifference due to SM, but none of that is relevant for me.
What is relevant has been my lack of motivation to take charge of it and get the weight off. It’s almost a “cut off your nose to spite your face” situation. It’s dumb, and I know it; just acknowledging the reality of my motivations.
I have resisted precisely *because* W dangled it as a carrot, because I know it’s bullshit. Not arbitrarily, but because when I *was* that weight, she didn’t have any desire for me then either; I have no faith anything would be different. It has felt like a manipulation, and being manipulated pisses me off.
Recently, I’ve taken action to change anyway. I wish I had great results to report, but at least I’m forming new routines that I can build upon to be in better shape. Not for her, but for me, and for someone different in my future if that’s how it plays out. Because I’d like to look good naked, and not have that be a disappointment or a compromise.
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Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Sept 28, 2018 11:17:58 GMT -5
The first step is 50% of the journey. You are halfway there man. Atta boy! It has slowly crept on over the years, to the tune of probably 60 pounds. Maybe influenced more by thyroid performance than comfort eating or indifference due to SM, but none of that is relevant for me. What is relevant has been my lack of motivation to take charge of it and get the weight off. It’s almost a “cut off your nose to spite your face” situation. It’s dumb, and I know it; just acknowledging the reality of my motivations. I have resisted precisely *because* W dangled it as a carrot, because I know it’s bullshit. Not arbitrarily, but because when I *was* that weight, she didn’t have any desire for me then either; I have no faith anything would be different. It has felt like a manipulation, and being manipulated pisses me off. Recently, I’ve taken action to change anyway. I wish I had great results to report, but at least I’m forming new routines that I can build upon to be in better shape. Not for her, but for me, and for someone different in my future if that’s how it plays out. Because I’d like to look good naked, and not have that be a disappointment or a compromise.
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Post by h on Sept 28, 2018 11:37:50 GMT -5
I gained 50 lbs since I got married. Some was just lack of exercise and unintentional neglect of self. The rest was not giving a shit about eating healthy anymore and an active attempt to decrease my libido by harming my health.
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Post by sadkat on Sept 28, 2018 12:51:17 GMT -5
Weight and nutrition are a constant in my life. I don’t feel good with extra weight on me. My sm had the opposite impact workingonit- I needed to feel sexy. I needed to know that I was still attractive. In the early years of my sm, when I was still young, I got my fair share of attention and it made me feel good. I got a belly ring for the same reason. My h was indifferent but, for once, I didn’t care. As I grew older, staying at a normal weight became a struggle but I channeled my sexual frustration into keeping fit. Over the course of several years , I did gain about 12 pounds (about 4 pounds a year). When, after my third annual dr visit, I had gained yet another 3 pounds- I buckled down and took 15 pounds off. I didn’t really think about my weight loss impacting my libido- I guess it’s possible.
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Post by tiredofbeinglonely on Sept 28, 2018 13:29:16 GMT -5
I ate to forget how sad I was...turned to food for comfort. I also think there was a hidden reason. If I was overweight, that could be the reason. It wasn't me...it was my size. I gained a lot of weight during my sexless marriage. Once I decided I could finally make steps to leave, I began losing weight. I have lost 145 pounds in the past 8 months. It was hard...but felt SO good. I like who I am now. I still have self confidence issues, but I am starting to see more positive than negative
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Post by sadkat on Sept 28, 2018 13:39:53 GMT -5
I ate to forget how sad I was...turned to food for comfort. I also think there was a hidden reason. If I was overweight, that could be the reason. It wasn't me...it was my size. I gained a lot of weight during my sexless marriage. Once I decided I could finally make steps to leave, I began losing weight. I have lost 145 pounds in the past 8 months. It was hard...but felt SO good. I like who I am now. I still have self confidence issues, but I am starting to see more positive than negative Good for you! Losing weight is not easy and takes a lot of commitment. Keep the focus and don’t let those pounds creep back up. If you need any help or support, message me- I’d be glad to help.
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Post by Dan on Sept 28, 2018 16:54:24 GMT -5
Do you/ did you put on weight when you are sexless?
-- YES Is there an uncomfortable level of overweight that diminishes your libido?
-- YES Well... not sure if it has diminished my libido directly. It indirectly makes me feel less physically desirable, and therefore subconsciously more accepting of her rejecting me, and also decreased interest in outsourcing figuring I'm less desirable. (Interesting parallel: some victims of sexual assault also attribute weight gain to the subconscious desire to be less attractive, thereby averting future assaults.) Has being uncomfortably overweight helped you live in you SM? -- YES... due to the above two factors. Furthermore: A small portion of not getting back in to shape is the fear of increasing my libido.
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Post by bballgirl on Sept 28, 2018 17:06:18 GMT -5
I’m overweight and I’ve been overweight my entire life. I have lost twenty pounds the past year but I’ve hit a brick wall and the scale isn’t moving either way but I need to start exercising again once the weather gets cooler.
My libido is the same either weight.
I felt sexy before I dropped the twenty pounds and I feel sexy now too.
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Post by sadkat on Sept 28, 2018 17:31:48 GMT -5
Since being healthy is a passion of mine, I’d like to offer some words of advice. Don’t “diet”, don’t make it a goal to get back to the weight you were at when you were young. All of those things are self defeating. Instead, put your focus into being healthy. Choose your food wisely, don’t waste your calories on worthless junk, but always leave room to treat yourself to your a small amount of your favorite things. Most importantly, get out there and start moving- every day-. Do what you love. Take dance classes, surfing lessons, take long walks, hike. Find the activity you love to do because then it won’t be such a chore. Having a healthy lifestyle that includes a nutritious diet and regular physical activity will make a difference in your quality of life as you get older. It’s a lifetime commitment. Ok- stepping off my soap box now- Did I say I was passionate about this?? 😁
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Post by flounder on Sept 28, 2018 17:59:34 GMT -5
I ate to forget how sad I was...turned to food for comfort. I also think there was a hidden reason. If I was overweight, that could be the reason. It wasn't me...it was my size. I gained a lot of weight during my sexless marriage. Once I decided I could finally make steps to leave, I began losing weight. I have lost 145 pounds in the past 8 months. It was hard...but felt SO good. I like who I am now. I still have self confidence issues, but I am starting to see more positive than negative Awesome !
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Post by flounder on Sept 28, 2018 18:02:06 GMT -5
I have a high metabolism and work outside doing Physically demanding work. I can’t gain weight if I tried. I do love to eat !
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Post by hopingforachange on Sept 28, 2018 19:13:36 GMT -5
I put on weight during the darkest times of my depression. I'm slowly working them off as I'm doing more and not eating for comfort/soothing.
As I'm losing weight my libido has picked up, part of it is me feeling sexier and more comfortable in my new body and bring happy about losing inches and gaining muscle.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 28, 2018 19:49:56 GMT -5
Curious about how SM has impacted your weight. Maybe we need a poll? I feel like lots of people mention this but lets have a direct talk. For me, being sexless was a part of an overall weight gain. How much a part I don't know. But a few years ago I decided to lose weight and did. I have to say that when I lost weight and exercised more my libido woke up and it became much harder to be in my sm. I felt sexier in my body and felt more alive. I think gaining weight is a way we numb or diminish our libidos. For me this is true. Now I am NOT talking about a bit of softness or what I think of as healthy weight. I do not think you need to be or should be skinny, hard body, whatever to be beautiful or sexy. I have always liked men with meat on them and have always had some extra weight myself. (You know, in case I need to survive on a desert island- it is just safer that way!) But I feel sexier when my weight is at a comfortable place for me and I do not feel fat. This is a personal and not societal definition. And 2 years ago when I started dealing with my sm and facing my sexless state I noticed I started losing weight. I am now at a good place and my libido is high. So I am curious: Do you/ did you put on weight when you are sexless? Do you/ have you lost weight when you are having sex? Is there an uncomfortable level of overweight that diminishes your libido? Has being uncomfortably overweight helped you live in you SM? Basically curious about the relationship between sex and being uncomfortably overweight (whatever that is for you) We may not be able to assess (with the available data) the impact of a sexless marriage on body weight. We can only report what we have gained and lost through the years. Changes in body weight can no more reasonably be attributed to "sexlesness" than to" sexfulness" (??).
I suspect that my weight would be about the same in either case. It would be nice, however, to share gravity with someone.
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