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Post by twotimesone on Apr 16, 2019 22:38:33 GMT -5
I learned about that with my W when she wasn't too vested in the marriage too. I really tried to appease my W until one day it dawned on me that maybe I shouldn't be too vested emotionally to my W and stop appeasing her. I hope that you have a gameplan of what you want to do about getting out. If he really cares he will do something, but somehow it will probably won't happen in your case.
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Post by twotimesone on Apr 16, 2019 18:39:59 GMT -5
Hi there, this is a good article. But I think that this belongs to the "Choosing to Stay" forum. I would have some disagreement with this because usually one of the parties wants to end the marriage more than the other one, which is not mentioned here.
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Post by twotimesone on Apr 16, 2019 15:47:03 GMT -5
twotimesone says: "Maybe it is not true that my W doesn't want sex, but maybe she doesn't want sex with me. " Either way, she doesn't want to have sex with you. What difference does the why make? Knowing it won't cause your wife to have sex with you. Also, maybe she, too, is staying until the kids are gone.... Have you started planning for your life without her? Seeing a lawyer; financial planner; getting a support system beside your wife; developing activities and interests that don't involve her? Makes a big difference for me. All the BS that you read in the media about women's role of SM after kids are born is not 100% true. For years I have endured the abuse from my W claiming that I am a bad husband because of "I am not doing any chores BS." Hell, at times I thought I was the cause of the problem in the marriage. Yet it is mainly an excuse for her to make it so bad for me and I have say yes to leaving so she can have the excuse for looking for another man. Hell, I've seen it with one of my W's friends. I will not let her have that. Yeah, it is easier for me to throw in the towel and quit and makes it look simpler. But I am committed to the Marriage, SM from her or not. A marriage is not like buying some car and over the years if you don't like the car, go out and can trade up and get a new one. The book talks about cheating woman wants a man's commitment, but how many times these ladies who had affairs thought about their commitment to their husbands? The women who decides to cheat on their husbands had spent enormous effort in planning their wedding, but not maintaining their marriage. Oh yeah, I have thought about plans in the future with or without her. So don't worry about that.
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Post by twotimesone on Apr 15, 2019 22:45:20 GMT -5
That's a chicken before the egg question. She long exhibited this behavior before I 'cheated.' I used to be a real tolerant person towards my W and I was considered a "nice guy." But my W took advantage of that and she stepped all over me. Now if she steps out of bounds I let her know. She hates that about me, but at least she respects me. I totally get it. And I should’ve been clear- I don’t judge anyone with good reason who outsources. However, what I meant to say is that once you’ve gone outside the marriage for sex, most women will sense that on some level, even if unconsciously. At that point, there is likely no turning things around. You’re best off to start seriously planning your exit strategy. It’s over. I know. Thank you for your understanding. I knew that it was over a long time ago, but I've mentioned that I am staying until when the kids are off the nest. I hate it when someone generalizes a topic! Women’s infidelity is much more complex than a 4 year chemical BS this author portrays. Take me for example- I outsourced and am now divorcing my husband because he refused to be sexually intimate with me. Where do I fit into this grand conclusion? I don't think you fit in Michelle Langley about women's infidelity's equation, or most ladies here pertaining to this. I'm sure many of us know many reasons why men initiated the cheating in the marriage. But hey, there are women out there who initiated the cheating in the marriage. I think that this is a good resource for men who are confronted in this situation when the woman who don't want to invest in their marriage.
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Post by twotimesone on Apr 15, 2019 18:42:34 GMT -5
I guess my only question would be /were you that cheating husband?/ Because if you were, women sense that stuff in about a nanosecond. On some level, she’ll know and that’s pretty much the end of that. Just my .02. That's a chicken before the egg question. She long exhibited this behavior before I 'cheated.' I used to be a real tolerant person towards my W and I was considered a "nice guy." But my W took advantage of that and she stepped all over me. Now if she steps out of bounds I let her know. She hates that about me, but at least she respects me.
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Post by twotimesone on Apr 15, 2019 15:56:21 GMT -5
womensinfidelity.com/why_women_divorce.html?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI_PDWgOfS4QIVgkOGCh3lLg7nEAMYAiAAEgLCzPD_BwEwww.counter-currents.com/2011/06/rotating-polyandry-and-its-enforcers-part-1/I saw this article and book about Michelle Langley about women's infidelity. I thought that this is a very good article about this subject and SM in general. I am starting to think what she wrote about my W is correct. Maybe it is not true that my W doesn't want sex, but maybe she doesn't want sex with me. Michelle Langley talked about the 4 stages of infidelity and I think my W is somewhere between in stage 1 and 2. A tall tale sign is that my W doesn't seem to want to be emotionally available in the relationship, instead wants to focus on me being that bad and cheating husband. What do you guys think? Edit: Just for your information. I think my W believes that am the cheating type, but never caught me doing it because I really tried to be discrete about it.
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Post by twotimesone on Apr 15, 2019 8:11:01 GMT -5
I know guys who are unmarried and in their 40's. I think their view of women in their life is that after getting rejected so many times, they just don't even bother to make the effort anymore. I don't know about you, but if you are interested in them, maybe you should give them signs that you are interested in them and not expect them to make the first move.
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Post by twotimesone on Apr 12, 2019 11:40:03 GMT -5
I think I am 14/20. Not as bad as you guys. However, I am definitely having plans in the future without my W.
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Post by twotimesone on Apr 3, 2019 0:07:08 GMT -5
Thanks Baza, it really becomes the chicken before the egg question. These psychologists say that they engage in bad and/or illegal behaviors becomes a sex addict or the guy because a 'sex addict' because of lack of sex. I checked out a youtube video of a women who claims that she was a 'victim' of a sex addict.
One thing that this person did not mention that she has PTSD and have low sex drive, while brushing off that she is the problem when she blames the husband for being a sex addict.
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Post by twotimesone on Apr 2, 2019 22:52:52 GMT -5
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Post by twotimesone on Mar 25, 2019 12:58:56 GMT -5
One thing I don't like about my sm marriage is that my W don't even want to snuggle with me. Often times when I outsource, I just want to snuggle and talk. My W often think I am some kind of errand boy in the marriage and do chores for my W.
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Post by twotimesone on Feb 21, 2019 10:53:50 GMT -5
I always get excuses from my W. I seem to be the first person to hear that she is on her period. The other day she accused me of buying the tissues that I did not approve of. I told her that I didn't buy this and she was apparently pissed of the tone. Not that I care anymore.
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Post by twotimesone on Feb 14, 2019 10:44:52 GMT -5
Just the the heck of it, I spent $20 for dozen roses to see what my W's response would be. She says a thank you, but didn't get a "Thank you." Didn't get any, instead my W wrapped a few single roses to give to my son's roses. Guess, I am planning to outsource to see someone else soon to get my "Thank you."
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Post by twotimesone on Feb 8, 2019 13:35:33 GMT -5
Thanks. Kind of what I suspect all along. I'm just resigned to the fact that my W drives me crazy all day and I just don't care.
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Post by twotimesone on Oct 4, 2018 13:26:25 GMT -5
That sucks. I'm curious. Does your wife work? If so, I assume that you made significantly more than her?
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