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Post by mr.jones on Apr 16, 2019 15:56:27 GMT -5
Interesting article, and although I have given up on why chasing, the article has helped me get my mind around my situation - which involves working through step 1-4 below. www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/contemplating-divorce/201411/could-you-ever-stay-in-loveless-marriage-some-are-tryingA unilateral decision was made by my flat mate, without us ever agreeing on a “parenting marriage”. “While a Parenting Marriage isn’t right for every couple, it’s certainly worth looking into. Here are the key elements: 1.Both spouses agree and accept—this acceptance is crucial—that the marriage they used to have is over. That is, the love-based relationship is over. 2.Both spouses agree that the primary purpose of their marriage now is to be good co-parents and raise healthy kids in as stable an environment as possible. 3.Together, both spouses will tell the kids honestly and openly about the changing nature of the marriage so that they don't have to wonder. (Note that some couples need a temporary break—a time-out, if you will. One couple lived apart for 18 months.) 4.Both spouses agree on the terms of their new marriage. Examples include one sleeping upstairs, the other downstairs; agreeing on a schedule of time with the kids; agreeing to separate financial obligations other than those that impact the family (mortgage, insurance payments, etc.); agreeing that in their free time, they can go anywhere, see anyone, and do anything they wish; that each can have another relationship but that no one is introduced to the kids without prior permission.“
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Post by twotimesone on Apr 16, 2019 18:39:59 GMT -5
Hi there, this is a good article. But I think that this belongs to the "Choosing to Stay" forum. I would have some disagreement with this because usually one of the parties wants to end the marriage more than the other one, which is not mentioned here.
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Post by hopingforachange on Apr 16, 2019 22:19:24 GMT -5
bballgirl I think you could weight in on this.
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Post by baza on Apr 17, 2019 3:19:45 GMT -5
Any negotiated agreement has value - just like this "Parenting Marriage" concept. With the right two people, I don't see why it could not work out.
In my particular situation back in the day we most certainly not have been the right two people.
There is no. fucking. way. known. the "Parenting Marriage" would have flown with her, with me, or mutually.
But it might, for the right two people.
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Post by mr.jones on Apr 17, 2019 4:33:54 GMT -5
Hmm, thanks all. At this stage, the only thing I accept is element #1, and am yet to be convinced a “parenting marriage” is the answer.
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