|
Post by thebaffledking on Sept 15, 2018 17:41:07 GMT -5
Shammy, I was already checked out anyway....was going to school out on the west coast, all my friends out there, etc etc.....so I was 'distant' from the day-by-day unraveling happening in the upper midwest. You just adapt to whatever. Peoples' shit, even direct family shit, is honestly none of our business. The pain comes from trying to MAKE IT our business. Live and let live, man. Best philosophy ever created (probably by Siddartha).
|
|
|
Post by thebaffledking on Sept 15, 2018 9:35:23 GMT -5
baza , you've been here like 60 years. Have you ever heard of anyone here or on EP who had a spouse, stbx, or ex come out of the closet? I am not baza, but my father's gay. One of the best lines from Seinfeld, but also true life for me. He divorced my mom when I was around 19 or 20 and almost immediately was living with a male partner. He is now married to his partner and they are the coolest guys ever - tons of fun, love visiting them. That's neither here nor there, though. The point is, my father's gay. He's 82 now. I don't think my mom has ever fully recovered, though she did remarry.
|
|
|
Post by thebaffledking on Sept 12, 2018 5:37:46 GMT -5
Be ready for the moment to present itself. You can plan every detail, sadkat, but it very often comes down to being ready when the Universe presents you with the gift of golden opportunity. When it comes (and it will), STEP RIGHT INTO IT and get this done (-: And you WILL!
|
|
|
Post by thebaffledking on Sept 12, 2018 5:22:58 GMT -5
Wow, what a wonderful story! Congratulations on finding love again and thanks for sharing your story with us! Thank you, sadkat. I hope we can ALL rediscover happiness sooner rather than later!
|
|
|
Post by thebaffledking on Sept 12, 2018 5:21:31 GMT -5
😀 sending you a high five! Thank you, daddeeo!
|
|
|
Post by thebaffledking on Sept 11, 2018 4:14:31 GMT -5
This happened to me. 4.5 years ago I received a message from a woman on EP, from 7000 miles away, telling me my story mirrored hers to a tee. She was a member of EP-ILIASM, but I don't think she ever made a post herself. Anyway, my gawd how we hit it off. Neither of us were out there looking. Both of us were suffering mightily. But neither of us had ever suddenly felt so instantly close to another human being. And then I saw her face, just like the song. OMG......I was fucking floored by her beauty. I was just so stunned that a woman of such beauty could be in an SM.....but it's not about looks in an SM, and that's a point that isn't often made (but is for another thread some other time).
From that very first day, I found myself chatting for several hours every single day without fail. This went on for a YEAR before we met in person.....and that meeting was comprised of moments that would both make a sailor blush and Oprah shed tears of spiritual joy. It was everything both of us had thought it would be.....but I had some things I was committed to seeing through at home, and so was she.....we knew we'd meet again, but thank God we didn't know at the time how LONG it would be....another three YEARS would go by! And yet, we chatted every single day, for hours, as always. We finally met again this past July and again -- the intensity of the experience, on all levels and in all aspects....I can't even find the words. And now? She is moving in with me next month. I know, I know, the cold heart will say 'Oh jeeze, this clown's heading for disaster!' Nope. Not even a little. I have been alone, spiritually and physically, for the last 15 years, albeit being married. This is no 'rebound' for either of us. The quality of this woman and what we feel for each other is just so extraordinary.....over four and a half years. We actually semi-joke that the 4.5 years of being forced to TALK and only talk has probably made our relationship more extraordinary and durable than if we'd met and gotten to know each other under more traditional circumstances. We couldn't rely on anything but communication for 99% of all that time. We have both been through the mill, but now we're about to enter into a shared life of fun, adventure, peace, contentment, travel....and sex like I've never known before.
And it all started ONLINE, with neither of us looking for anything more on EP than a place to share our pain and commiserate.......I am a lucky man. I hit the jackpot and my life has been saved. Baby's coming home!
|
|
|
Post by thebaffledking on Sept 11, 2018 3:51:17 GMT -5
WORD!!!
|
|
|
Post by thebaffledking on Sept 8, 2018 3:57:51 GMT -5
I read somewhere, baza, that, in general, women are the divorce initiators over 70% of the time. I believe it is extraordinarily hard for a man to 'leave'......that's not what men do. They hang on until grim death visits them. I had my on vision of grim death and with my 3 kids all over 21 years old, I finally jumped out of the airplane........it was SO hard; totally against my middle-class midwest upbringing to be the initiator. Suspect I am not alone in feeling this way, even if it's subconscious.......it's a reasoning that we men need to look at very carefully. Who 'put that on us'? In other words, don't beat the living shit out of yourself just because society says 'men don't leave'. Better gone than dead, I always say (-:
|
|
|
Post by thebaffledking on Sept 4, 2018 22:24:36 GMT -5
I 'let go' on June 4th......and I can feel my heart coming back together......I need it, and it needs me (-:......
You'll be okay.......really, you will! be patient, be kind, be forgiving......and re-enter the stream.......there's so much awaiting you!
|
|
|
Post by thebaffledking on Aug 29, 2018 6:03:32 GMT -5
“Why, when we could live out our lives in a flower-filled paradise, do we all prefer to weep, suffer and get lost in a maelstrom of passion and fury, torturing ourselves in the flames of hell?" ~ Musashi.
I don't post much any longer as I'm busily pursuing new life, but I come read from time to time as I think it's important to revisit the memories, the suffering, the absolute hell of my SM when I was in it. I remember the most excruciating emotional and spiritual pain when years were flying by......wherein every day I knew I not only wanted to leave but HAD to leave to save my life (yes, suicide was on the table for a year or two)......and yet could not pull the plug. I damn near drove myself insane and am now hoping I didn't do any permanent damage to the wiring in my brain!
I have been free now for some months and I am happy. After she left (upon my initiation of proceedings), I totally re-did the home, redesigning it, which is something I have always enjoyed but with her it was always her way......to the point I'd set this piece of art here and the next day it would have been moved there......or when I put a stick-on razor holder where I wanted it in the shower, only to find it moved the next day........things like that. I've now re-created a place that I'm proud of. It looks awesome (-:
I get home from work, strip down to my underwear, and hit the couch for a nap. I eat what I want when I want. I watch what I want and when I want. If I want to play an old UFO album, I do it. I go to bed in peace. I'm happy. I like my life, a lot. I feel no hatred or contempt towards her, and our divorce has been without drama and it has been fair. We worked through a mediator. I actually find myself rooting for her to establish her own happy life, even though we may never again be friends. It's just the way to go........release all of it. Let it all go. All turmoil is in our own minds anyway, and can do untold damage to one's health. I let it all go and I feel fine.
I have already met someone new........well, I say 'new', but I actually met this person over four years ago on EP (under a different name that I can't recall) soon before it got shuttered up. And I say 'met' which is pretty mild compared to what the relationship actually is (-: It's everything I have never known before about how a relationship is supposed to feel.....both in the giving and in the receiving, from someone who truly loves you. She is beautiful, she is 'southern', she is smart and funny and just plain fun.....and she knows how to enjoy herself and completely open up to intimacy.
This is my life now. I am not saying it is perfect, because I suffered a lot over the 15 years my marriage spiraled out of control (but where it was only spiraling for me)....it will take some time to regain full faith in life and love.......but I know I have found the right person to hold hands with......being on EP, she also came from an SM that was even longer than mine......so we will go forward together and heal. And it sure feels good.
I wish you all the best in figuring out 'your deal', as baza puts it. I can't offer much to those who are definitely staying. For me, it came down to living or dying.......and I decided long ago to get busy living even though, ironically, that choice nearly killed me. It was the right call for me. No regrets whatsoever.
|
|
|
Post by thebaffledking on Aug 3, 2018 6:25:55 GMT -5
I am SO damn happy to be FREE!!!!!!! Stay if you can tolerate it, but if you are leaning towards a sort of desperate run for the border, go! Go fast!
Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day Fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way. Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town Waiting for someone or something to show you the way.
Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain. You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today. And then one day you find ten years have got behind you. No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun.
So you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking Racing around to come up behind you again. The sun is the same in a relative way but you're older, Shorter of breath and one day closer to death.
Every year is getting shorter never seem to find the time. Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way The time is gone, the song is over, Thought I'd something more to say.
|
|
|
Post by thebaffledking on Jul 26, 2018 22:14:00 GMT -5
I'm pro everyone doing what they need to do.....it's an enormously personal matter. I just came by to say that I have been out for almost two months now and the simple fact of never again having to wake up and feel that black cloud roll in immediately is the greatest gift I could have ever given myself. I am FREE and HAPPY and EXCITED and I can still hardly believe it is done! It took me FOREVER to speak (literally years), but I finally found the courage to just spit it out. I am SO relieved, I can't even begin to tell you. I saved my life.......my one and only life......and I couldn't be more proud of myself for doing so.
|
|
|
Post by thebaffledking on Jul 6, 2018 2:58:31 GMT -5
Cutting to the chase here: FUCK OFF, STEVE!!!
|
|
|
Post by thebaffledking on Jun 4, 2018 12:43:09 GMT -5
I will just add this.......I have heard all of the textbook things from her........"You're doing this just because I won't have sex with you?"(it's been ten years since we had our last) "You never listen, you never do", "I don't remember ever saying that!" (and it was a biggie - that I could see a prostitute if I wanted sex)........"You're going to throw all this away, throw your family away, miss out on weddings and special occasions?" "I'm homeless now, I could be homeless for months! You're leaving me with nothing!" (and we hadn't even talked finances yet)...........one thing I have not nor will I ever hear in this matter? "I love you".
If you're thinking of leaving, trust me on this: no one ground themselves to the bone, psychologically, on getting to that point more than me. I about destroyed myself in the process.seriously.....I'm lucky to be alive.
Advice: GET THE FUCK OUT AT ANY AND ALL COST. AND DO IT NOW.
|
|
|
Post by thebaffledking on Jun 3, 2018 9:03:34 GMT -5
I am out. I am free. This is still raw, but I finally did it. I have been through hell a dozen times...…….but I finally did it.
I can't write anymore now but for those who remember me...…..I did it.
|
|