Post by northstarmom on Sept 1, 2018 8:03:03 GMT -5
Out 5 years. With the love of my life. Happier than when in my sm.. I got out when I realized I’d be lonelier remaining in a sm than divorcing and being permanently single. Finding love again was a surprise.
Post by GeekGoddess on Sept 5, 2018 20:25:34 GMT -5
Much better place. Out of the married house 24 months. Out, on paper, 18 months. Changed jobs, went back to college. WAY better work/life balance. Working on lack of romance/sex - which is work I was completely unable to do inside the SM. Way better place, for me.
I can’t give a definitive answer. It’s too complex to say one way or the other. It’s better in that I no longer have to deal with strife and hostility on a daily basis, and rejection, but much of what was good (my home, finances, pets, great health care, and my ex being alive, etc has been lost. It’s been one hell of a struggle to get to where I am now in my healing, and I’m glad that after 3-years, I’m doing better mentally and emotionally, but I’m changed by the whole experience, and life for me is very different than I could have ever imagined. I was terrified of growing old alone. To me that was like death, but here I am doing just that, and I’ve adjusted to the reality. Took years to accept (and doesn’t mean I like it), but it’s not the terror that it once was. Acceptance can be a very long process, but here I am.
This week marks 2 years since I moved out. I am rediscovering who I am and what I want. Almost immediately, after I left, I stopped gritting my teeth and began sleeping through the night again. The 5 years previous are a little bit of a blur at this point because I was putting so much energy into the facade that was my marriage. I will always love him because he is the father of my children but I am 10 times happier than I was back then! I am ME again. I love to sing and dance and laugh. And dammit, I am sexy. Haha. It has been fun embracing that side again too.
Post by thebaffledking on Sept 8, 2018 3:57:51 GMT -5
I read somewhere, baza, that, in general, women are the divorce initiators over 70% of the time. I believe it is extraordinarily hard for a man to 'leave'......that's not what men do. They hang on until grim death visits them. I had my on vision of grim death and with my 3 kids all over 21 years old, I finally jumped out of the airplane........it was SO hard; totally against my middle-class midwest upbringing to be the initiator. Suspect I am not alone in feeling this way, even if it's subconscious.......it's a reasoning that we men need to look at very carefully. Who 'put that on us'? In other words, don't beat the living shit out of yourself just because society says 'men don't leave'. Better gone than dead, I always say (-:
choosinghappy: Hope you had a great birthday h!
Sept 1, 2018 21:19:34 GMT -5
mrrobot: Hi guys, I don't know if this community is still active - if so, I posted a thread at the forum if anyone could give me some light I'd be really thankful! Cheers
Sept 2, 2018 7:48:17 GMT -5
georgia: Hi...I’ve just joined the group. And I simply need a place to vent and hopefully receive some help dealing with my utterly sexless marriage. After 15 years of marriage our sex life has dwindled to nada, zero, nothing.
Sept 3, 2018 14:48:18 GMT -5
kh: why even marry someone with a high libido if you hate sex
Sept 4, 2018 4:28:42 GMT -5
javba: kh - fast forward 2 kids and 20 years later I have not resolved the problem you're looking at. Now I have cracked 51 yrs, have lesser chances of finding someone, not as market-able. You may want to reconsider "child is 8 mon old" with a 50% divorce rate
Sept 4, 2018 10:07:57 GMT -5
DryCreek: mrrobot, georgia, kh - welcome! I see a couple of you have posted your stories in the forum. I think not a lot of folks use this chat because you can only see it on laptops, not on phones. georgia, please do post your story and vent here. We get it.
Sept 6, 2018 10:29:43 GMT -5