Not for Those who are Staying... Sept 10, 2018 15:00:10 GMT -5 DryCreek, jim44444, and 13 more like this
Post by flashjohn on Sept 10, 2018 15:00:10 GMT -5
I was in my celibate marriage for 28 years, and it will be well over 30 by the time the divorce is final. My story is here if you want to read it. iliasm.org/thread/4664/encouragement-side
For you newer folks, I assume that you have told your refusers that you are not satisfied with the quality or quantity of sex in your relationship. If you have, think about the reaction you got. If your refuser expressed remorse, apologized, and actually made changes, you would probably not be here. So if your refuser told you "tough shit" and did nothing, or said he/she would change, and did nothing, you have a hard decision to make.
When your refuser is not interested in making you satisfied, he/she is saying that YOU DON'T MATTER! A spouse who loved you would be doing whatever he/she could to resolve this issue and make sure that you are satisfied.
When my refuser would not fuck on the honeymoon, I thought things would get better. I was wrong. I should have moved out and filed for divorce after the wedding night. But instead I spent most of my life in misery. If you have kids, and you don't want to disrupt their lives while they live at home, I understand. If you have a house or other financial entanglements, I understand. But realize that you have a limited amount of life on this earth, and there is no reason to spend it in misery.
A very good friend and coworker died this morning. He was 39. His wife and son adored him, and he seemed to have had a very happy life. But it made me remember what was going on in my life when I was 39. I had recently left a job at a large law firm and had begun working as a prosecutor. My refuser berated me incessantly. She actually said this, word-for-word, "You are a much better husband and father since you started at the District Attorney's office, but it has cost ME $20,000 a year, and it is NOT worth it." I stupidly stayed with her when I should have packed up my stuff and walked out that day.
So if you decide to stay with a refuser, you are certainly welcome here, and I will be as supportive as I can. But I hope you don't let yourself be treated this way forever.