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Post by becca on Sept 7, 2018 8:41:03 GMT -5
This week marks 2 years since I moved out. I am rediscovering who I am and what I want. Almost immediately, after I left, I stopped gritting my teeth and began sleeping through the night again. The 5 years previous are a little bit of a blur at this point because I was putting so much energy into the facade that was my marriage. I will always love him because he is the father of my children but I am 10 times happier than I was back then! I am ME again. I love to sing and dance and laugh. And dammit, I am sexy. Haha. It has been fun embracing that side again too.
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Post by becca on Jan 20, 2018 10:50:51 GMT -5
The list was long but my favorite one went something along the lines of "I really need to harness that sexual energy and put it into my business right now"
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Post by becca on Aug 20, 2017 19:21:46 GMT -5
I love the "do not erase". Between your post, @creelunion, and bballgirl's post I can tell it is going to be a restless night. Too many emotions! Your family is tougher than dry erase marker, creel. Whatever happens between you and their mother, you will always be family. And it is obvious there is a lot of love between you and your children. That won't change. And I believe you are right. It shouldn't be easy. For whatever reason, your post made me recall a moment from the past. My youngest was a big Lilo and Stitch fan. She loved the quote, "Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind". She wrote it on her daddy's big whiteboard once. Sure wish I had taken a picture. It became her go to phrase and she pulled that damn "ohana" card more than once. I have two rescue mutts to prove it. Okay, I am going to step away from the nostalgia train for the night and go listen to some heavy metal or something.
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Post by becca on Aug 20, 2017 19:02:04 GMT -5
From the first day I joined iliasm, I have enjoyed your posts, bballgirl, and could relate to so much of your story. I remember you posting that song "A Better Man" I had not heard it before. I cried listening to it and there are days I can still cry when I hear it. On any given day I am living a different part of that song. Some days I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that "the bravest thing I ever did was run" but other days "I just wish I could forget when it was magic" and "hoping it might turn sweet again" because there is a longing deep in my heart for something that no longer exists. Recently our children were about to head off again and we all gathered together at the house for dinner. I can relate to the swarm of emotions that can bring to the surface! There was something so comfortable and familiar and I wanted time to stop and rewind and go back to a time where maybe we could have fixed it. Maybe we could have been more honest and direct and tackled the problem head on then. For me, I know I long for something that no longer exists. I know, even for you, it wasn't just the SM. I recall you talking about his neglect, not just of the marriage and family but even his own health. I absolutely believe people can change. Just be careful not to get sucker punched when you reflect back on your marriage through that warm rosy lens of nostalgia. You deserve the best. You are an amazing woman of strength, passion and character and please know that wherever this journey leads, it is a pleasure just sharing the road with you. xoxo
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T-Minus
Aug 11, 2017 15:13:16 GMT -5
Post by becca on Aug 11, 2017 15:13:16 GMT -5
That is quite the packing list, shamwow. You kids have a good time and safe travels!
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Post by becca on Aug 11, 2017 8:05:27 GMT -5
It was wonderful to read your update, lyn. Kudos to facing it head on and not hiding behind excuses that weren't really the problem. I know I could benefit by drycreek's "be authentic" advice, too! Congrats on your performance. Break a leg!
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Post by becca on Aug 10, 2017 15:08:04 GMT -5
Joining this forum has truly changed my life. I had been telling myself for years I was going to leave but I didn't. Reading all of your stories, the victories and the struggles, gave me courage to finally stand up and tell my H enough was enough! I think he was as shocked as I was the day I moved out.
It isn't all perfect and there are so many things to still figure out, including an official divorce, but a weight has been lifted off of me. I do have hope now where before I was just going through the motions.
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Post by becca on Aug 10, 2017 14:54:37 GMT -5
We met in a pub.
I was meeting friends. He was with the friends I was meeting.
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Post by becca on Aug 10, 2017 14:45:15 GMT -5
Staying is not your only option. A lot of women like the facial hair and find that attractive. I once tried to grow beard and this girl I like said I looked like a rapist. Ughhh. Definitely do self-improvement and get your confidence up. Hopefully the Mrs notices. Staying is an option. Love is a powerful reason to. I assume you're referring to my profile pic (which isn't me--although it's pretty close and I do have a beard). Darn! I was hoping you were Nick Offerman. Hey...it's possible. No matter where you are on your journey (staying, cheating, leaving) it doesn't hurt to work on yourself. If you feel like you are your BEST you if you lose weight, then lose weight. But I do encourage you to do it for yourself and not anyone else. Best to you on your journey.
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Post by becca on Aug 8, 2017 21:03:03 GMT -5
What a magical night to share with your daughter! Where I live, there are a group of people who actively look for nests and then rope them off once it is a confirmed nest. Then when it is time, volunteers will "nest sit" until the baby sea turtles hatch.
I haven't seen hatchlings in years. I guess I should get to the beach more!
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Post by becca on Aug 8, 2017 20:46:47 GMT -5
I agree with h, your hubby was an ass for saying that. Don't adjust your image of yourself because of something he said trying to derail you. By saying that he immediately took the spot light off of himself. I think it is good that you put genuine photos of yourself up on the dating website instead of the outdated ones. Be you. Embrace you. LOVE you. I think if you learn to love yourself again, you will also start liking the image in the mirror again. I will never look 20 or 30 and to be honest, it would be weird if I did. I embrace my sun damaged skin (most days) because it reminds me of all the fun I had on the beach and in the ocean. I have come to terms with my wrinkles because it shows I have lived and laughed...a lot.
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Post by becca on Aug 6, 2017 16:25:41 GMT -5
Each of my daughter's bought a ring for me to wear when I removed the wedding band. I alternate between the two.
I am not a big jewelry person but I didn't like looking at the empty finger.
He still wears his band.
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Post by becca on Aug 6, 2017 11:47:28 GMT -5
Happy tears are the good ones! You can definitely change your name. I just believe if someone wants to tag you in the future, they would need to use your original name. But "lonely" definitely doesn't fit any longer!
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Post by becca on Aug 6, 2017 9:23:14 GMT -5
Wow, Lonely, this is wonderful news! I am so happy for both of you.
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Post by becca on Aug 5, 2017 13:03:10 GMT -5
Georgia, here.
Home of midnight trains, devils looking for souls to steal and apparently always on your mind.
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