Post by shamwow on May 22, 2017 13:38:35 GMT -5
Edit
Yesterday marked a year since I joined this forum. Prior to getting here, I knew that my marriage was killing me, but had tremendous angst about leaving. Much of getting past that angst took place as I opened up and brought family and friends into the mix. To me, that was the first step in healing...letting others know about my situation. Finding that I wasn't the only one going through this crap? A lifeline.
My SM was of the classic "bait and switch" variety. Everything was great until rings were exchanged and then everything instantly reversed. From reading here, most other people start off ok and it gradually fades. In time, however, we all wind up in the same shithole.
I started this T-Minus thread after I had asked my now ex-wife for a divorce, the process was underway, and I was trying to understand and cope with my new life as a single man for the first time in 20 years. Since yesterday was my "anniversary" of joining the forum, I decided to dig back in the archives and pull my original post.
Here is my original post:
iliasm.org/post/43094
And I think that this thread is the first time I really realized that she had been lying to me for decades.
iliasm.org/post/43385/thread
Here is the day I told her I was done and we were getting divorced.
www.iliasm.org/thread/2228/worst-day-life-far
This is a funny one where I was molested by a jogger in the park. Nothing makes you ask the "why" question more than when guys hit on you more than your wife.
www.iliasm.org/thread/2585/on-friday
I may look for a few more "prequel" posts so you have more background as you read this thread. Most of them I have to look up in the archives so it does take time.
Original Post In This Thread
So, coming from Houston, here is where I'm at:
- Told wife I wanted a divorce (done in January)
- Told kids (done in April)
- Moved out of bedroom (right after telling kids)
- Actually filed for non contested divorce with earliest date we can finalize in Texas June 26 (done in April)
- Put house on market (last Wednesday)
- Got offer for full price on house and accepted (last Thursday)
- Found out buyer wants to move in June 19th....Holy shit! I need a place to live (last Saturday)!
- Went on rental house recon mission (last Saturday)
- Found house I want and filled out application (yesterday)
- Looking for furniture for me and the kids - I'm letting wife take whatever she wants (yesterday)
If I get the house I want, I will be closing on the house June 19 and won't be able to move in until July 1. I should know the answer to that one tonight. I'm getting an almost comically large house for a single guy (3,800 square feet) with kids who will be there 1/3 of the time. But I want to make my house the "go to" place when I have the kids rather than them asking if they can go hang out at a friend's house. I've only got a few years left with them, and I want to make every minute of it count!
So right now I'm still sleeping on the slowly deflating air mattress (one of those cheap camping ones) in my study. I finally got my own credit cards and am going to get myself something more comfortable to sleep on (probably an air bed since I need to be able to move it easier, but the a shitty camping air mattress my wife bought for me). I've basically got a few weeks left of this and then will be back on a grown-up bed (no more star wars comforter for padding).
So...
T-minus 28 until house closes (June 19)
T-minus 35 until divorce can be finalized (June 26)
T-minus 40 until I can move into first choice of house (July 1)
T-minus 1 until I can move until I can move into my second or third choice of house (second and third choice are vacant)
Confusing? Yup. Something tells me I will need to get used to this level of uncertainty in many areas of my life. Damn, I'm looking forward to it!
But... Houston, we do NOT have a problem. We just have no fucking idea when "liftoff" will actually take place. Please, please please, don't let this thing blow up on the launch pad during the wait!
Yesterday marked a year since I joined this forum. Prior to getting here, I knew that my marriage was killing me, but had tremendous angst about leaving. Much of getting past that angst took place as I opened up and brought family and friends into the mix. To me, that was the first step in healing...letting others know about my situation. Finding that I wasn't the only one going through this crap? A lifeline.
My SM was of the classic "bait and switch" variety. Everything was great until rings were exchanged and then everything instantly reversed. From reading here, most other people start off ok and it gradually fades. In time, however, we all wind up in the same shithole.
I started this T-Minus thread after I had asked my now ex-wife for a divorce, the process was underway, and I was trying to understand and cope with my new life as a single man for the first time in 20 years. Since yesterday was my "anniversary" of joining the forum, I decided to dig back in the archives and pull my original post.
Here is my original post:
iliasm.org/post/43094
And I think that this thread is the first time I really realized that she had been lying to me for decades.
iliasm.org/post/43385/thread
Here is the day I told her I was done and we were getting divorced.
www.iliasm.org/thread/2228/worst-day-life-far
This is a funny one where I was molested by a jogger in the park. Nothing makes you ask the "why" question more than when guys hit on you more than your wife.
www.iliasm.org/thread/2585/on-friday
I may look for a few more "prequel" posts so you have more background as you read this thread. Most of them I have to look up in the archives so it does take time.
Original Post In This Thread
So, coming from Houston, here is where I'm at:
- Told wife I wanted a divorce (done in January)
- Told kids (done in April)
- Moved out of bedroom (right after telling kids)
- Actually filed for non contested divorce with earliest date we can finalize in Texas June 26 (done in April)
- Put house on market (last Wednesday)
- Got offer for full price on house and accepted (last Thursday)
- Found out buyer wants to move in June 19th....Holy shit! I need a place to live (last Saturday)!
- Went on rental house recon mission (last Saturday)
- Found house I want and filled out application (yesterday)
- Looking for furniture for me and the kids - I'm letting wife take whatever she wants (yesterday)
If I get the house I want, I will be closing on the house June 19 and won't be able to move in until July 1. I should know the answer to that one tonight. I'm getting an almost comically large house for a single guy (3,800 square feet) with kids who will be there 1/3 of the time. But I want to make my house the "go to" place when I have the kids rather than them asking if they can go hang out at a friend's house. I've only got a few years left with them, and I want to make every minute of it count!
So right now I'm still sleeping on the slowly deflating air mattress (one of those cheap camping ones) in my study. I finally got my own credit cards and am going to get myself something more comfortable to sleep on (probably an air bed since I need to be able to move it easier, but the a shitty camping air mattress my wife bought for me). I've basically got a few weeks left of this and then will be back on a grown-up bed (no more star wars comforter for padding).
So...
T-minus 28 until house closes (June 19)
T-minus 35 until divorce can be finalized (June 26)
T-minus 40 until I can move into first choice of house (July 1)
T-minus 1 until I can move until I can move into my second or third choice of house (second and third choice are vacant)
Confusing? Yup. Something tells me I will need to get used to this level of uncertainty in many areas of my life. Damn, I'm looking forward to it!
But... Houston, we do NOT have a problem. We just have no fucking idea when "liftoff" will actually take place. Please, please please, don't let this thing blow up on the launch pad during the wait!