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Post by becca on May 9, 2017 7:56:09 GMT -5
There have been many but I believe his most creative was this one.
"Right now I need to take all my sexual energy and put it into building this business for us" (It had probably been about 6 months at that point)
Me: So...when will we have sex again?
H: Good Lord! Is sex all you think about?!
Me: Guilty as charged.
Silly me for craving affection, intimacy and connection with my husband. That was about 7 years into the marriage. I stayed for 24 total.
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Post by becca on Apr 30, 2017 13:02:16 GMT -5
I am definitely in for a future virtual get together. And I missed a mooning?!?
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Post by becca on Apr 30, 2017 7:20:27 GMT -5
It was wonderful to finally put faces to the names and I enjoyed meeting those that were able to attend! I hope we do this again in the future. Thank you itsjustus for making that happen. Safe travels for you all in Florida as you head back home!
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Post by becca on Apr 29, 2017 17:58:54 GMT -5
Thanks for the update! I am looking forward to seeing everyone. Petrushka! Glad you braved the rain.
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Post by becca on Jan 19, 2017 10:44:21 GMT -5
I do love me some Billy Joel.
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Post by becca on Jan 16, 2017 20:41:54 GMT -5
Staying as long as I did "for the kids" has definitely insured my 19 and 22 year olds will need therapy before they can pursue healthy relationships. I honestly believed that the issues my husband and I were having would not have an impact on them and it saddens me greatly just how wrong I was. I smiled, laughed and acted like everything was ok and we were a model family. But children are smarter than we give them credit for and what I thought would create stability made them feel they couldn't trust what was said and couldn't even trust their own feelings. So yes, wewbwb, "Staying for the kids, hurts the kids"
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Post by becca on Jan 16, 2017 11:30:21 GMT -5
I had a tall four poster with my ex I left the bed for some different reasons but I don't reccomend it unless you are very tall. Just basic geometry. We both had to be on the bed or both off the bed to fuck. Ex is under 6'0 but not much and when a woman gets her ass up in the air the angles might be tough. I have a regular bed now. The four poster thing is very romantic but not practical. Of course in my case the problem wasn't the bed. Oh, yeah. I was mostly thinking about the tall posts; form, not function. The whole need-a-ladder-to-get-into-bed design kinda kills a bunch of on-off positions. I noticed that could be a challenge with our current pillow-top bed; of course, that problem has never presented here... Have the best of both. Tall 4 poster bed with a wide padded bench at the foot. Opens up some possibilities.
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Post by becca on Jan 7, 2017 9:25:52 GMT -5
My H definitely has a playful side and has always encouraged my very playful nature. For example, one time we were in Cancun and the entertainment staff from our cruise was in the same bar dancing on the tables. I mentioned how fun it looked and in seconds he had thrown me up there. It wasn't unusual for him to come into the kitchen and twirl me around the floor when a good song was playing or help me plan special surprises for the kids. We had a medieval themed party for our child one year complete with a murder plot and he dressed in full costume and played the part of the king that was murdered.
But then if I turned it to sexual playfulness, I was being ridiculous or we didn't have time for that or I should have known he had too much on his mind. That goes back farther than I would like to admit.
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Post by becca on Jan 6, 2017 8:40:11 GMT -5
Becca, wow. I understand colon cancer is one of those that isn't typically found until it's too late. Glad to hear your sister's was found in time. Thank you, Scrim. We were glad too. The world would have been much more dull without her in it. The downside (other than the obvious) of having a sister diagnosed with colon cancer, was I had to have my first colonoscopy at 30.
I have to ask, do you engrave/carve?
I realize it is still early but I hope your 2017 is looking brighter than 2016!
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Post by becca on Jan 1, 2017 23:39:22 GMT -5
I hope everyone's first day of 2017 was better than 2016. I have high hopes. This song seemed fitting. Stay strong in 2017 my dear iliasm friends!
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Post by becca on Dec 31, 2016 13:21:32 GMT -5
scrimshaw, I am so sorry to hear the struggles your family is going through. Cancer is vicious and doesn't care how healthy you are beforehand. I lost both parents to cancer before I turned 30 and my sister is a 10 year cancer survivor (colon). Sending warm thoughts, prayers and positive energy to you and yours.
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Post by becca on Dec 31, 2016 13:07:18 GMT -5
Thank you everyone for your encouraging words. I am always hesitant about posting and tend to do more stalking, but wow, does it really make a difference hearing the encouragement from all of you! The only reason I have been able to approach this with “eyes wide open” is from the strength I have received from reading so many of your stories. Thank you. -Just stay your course! DryCreek-Just keep being you… I am absolutely sure it will be alright. wewbwb-Eyes wide open…yours is a much brighter future. eternaloptimism-Go grab your happy life! @elle -the power to design your own world is within your power thebaffledking-Go and make your life a happy one! GeekGoddess-You are on top of this. You know exactly what is going on… unmatched-Break the chains and let the healing begin greatcoastal-Glad to see you are on top of things and see the big picture beachguy
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Post by becca on Dec 31, 2016 13:06:13 GMT -5
I had the chance once. I had an out. I chose to forgive. I certainly have mixed feelings about my decision. Plus I never did truly forgive. You're probably right about you having to do it yourself. I don't come on here often anymore. But when I do I see all the great people. And I always wish something great for all. I get that "never truly forgiving" - my ex stepped outside of the sidelines our first year of marriage. I forgave him and we went on for 22 more years but after finding EP and coming out of the fog it all came back to me and I couldn't forgive it or the SM. Same here, bballgirl, but year two. It isn't something I ever talk to anyone about and I can honestly say I had forgotten it until all of this came to a head. He got caught soliciting a prostitute. He swore he was asking her for the time.
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Post by becca on Dec 31, 2016 12:48:54 GMT -5
The things that freaks me out-- I can't tell if a)I'm being a patient/loving/engaged partner who is fighting for the person he loves (basically who I would want in a partnership), or: b)I'm being strung along by a person who is just taking advantage of me. I go back and forth on this every day. I feel crazy for it. A and B are not mutually exclusive. Very true and probably the correct answer is C. Both.
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Post by becca on Dec 31, 2016 10:34:30 GMT -5
becca , are we married to the same man? I mean, the EXACT same man? That's my gut reaction to your post - don't fall for it. Your husband's patterns of communication are not those of someone who is open to being in a mutual relationship. Stay strong and look to the New Year and your new life. Every end is a new beginning and I personally LOVE beginnings. Go grab your happy life! Oh, I will tell you that I've worked out in my mind the steps my H would need to do in order to "win me back." It might be helpful for you to do the same. Elle, I have read some of your posts and thought the exact same thing! They are most definitely cut from the same cloth. I have a list in my head of what he would have to do to win me back but I have been trying hard to be honest with myself. For example, it would be easy to say the drinking is the problem for all of it including the sexlessness, the "closed doors" and definitely the strife he has with his children. But the truth is, we weren't having sex years before he started drinking. Before the drinking it was his work. It was the stress. It was me being irrational for wanting it so much. The drinking, in a strange way, for me, has been a blessing. It was something I couldn't ignore. I have swept A LOT under the rug during the course of our marriage but it was impossible to continue to ignore the elephant in the room. I do not want to demonize him. He is a good man who survived an incredibly abusive childhood and in many ways has excelled in his life, attending a prestigious school, being an officer in the military and being involved in the community to this day. Maybe there is a woman out there that can reach him and change him and make him want to be a better man. Unfortunately, I do not think that woman is me.
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