|
Post by solodriver on Jul 6, 2018 14:34:45 GMT -5
I can't watch this without tears in my eyes.
|
|
|
Post by solodriver on Jul 6, 2018 12:50:39 GMT -5
Very Beautiful surfergirl. Beautiful smile. Thanks for making my day!
|
|
|
Post by solodriver on Jul 6, 2018 0:43:57 GMT -5
Very flattered, but very careful
|
|
|
Post by solodriver on Jul 5, 2018 23:08:20 GMT -5
I had so much fun in my twenties I actually KNOW what I am missing. And sometimes, I get mad about it and post about it here EXACTLY JMX!! I KNOW what I'm missing and I'm going to work very hard to have it again!! It's what keeps me going every day!
|
|
|
Post by solodriver on Jul 5, 2018 16:13:24 GMT -5
I working on this process myself right now. It's very tough but necessary. No more pretending or hiding, or just accepting it.
My thoughts now are that I want and deserve more than what I have and I need to work to get what it is I need, deserve and desire.
|
|
|
Post by solodriver on Jul 5, 2018 15:59:19 GMT -5
I'm going through the process right now.
|
|
|
Post by solodriver on Jul 3, 2018 0:27:11 GMT -5
California
|
|
|
Post by solodriver on Jun 27, 2018 2:50:43 GMT -5
@shynjdude Look, if she doesn't want to have sex, you don't have a marriage by your religion's definition or most people's. You have a roommate or friendship situation. The harsh truth is that even if she'd prefer the social and financial benefits of remaining in a sexless marriage, she doesn't, by the majority of standards, have a moral "right" to do so. I realize that you feel an obligation to her, as I do to my husband, because I too said in God's name "til death do us part" (or is it "til death us do part?" ) but that was perhaps probably predicated on the marriage staying a marriage where fucking was in the forecast. Logically, there's no reason she should mind getting divorced. But that doesn't mean she won't put up a fight. AMEN sister!
|
|
|
Post by solodriver on Jun 23, 2018 12:53:25 GMT -5
For those of us who are coming up behind you on this path....
You said you had contacted an attorney. How did you do that (through internet, local phone book, suggestion from friend) and when did you do that (how long before you made your announcement to hubby)? Also was it a free consultation and how much of a discussion did you have?
Anyone else who has gone through this, feel free to jump in and share.
|
|
|
Post by solodriver on Jun 21, 2018 20:05:01 GMT -5
It really depends on how much you value the ones you don't have. choosinghappy 's score was 8 yes and 5 maybe back in November when I posted this and she's leaving. Thanks for tagging me @shynjdude . This made me re-examine my response and look at my marriage again, now 8 months later. It has severely disintegrated in that time and now I can really only give a solid yes to 3. This is sobering. Good thing I am already planning on leaving. You got one more than me. Woo Hoo !!
|
|
|
Post by solodriver on Jun 20, 2018 23:57:26 GMT -5
I’m sorry solodriver - clarity does hurt. It can also be a firm foundation. While you get your exit plan into place, start “not doing” things for her that she can do for herself. I used to: brings drinks from the other room, get up to get things he wanted, agree to “his choice” consistently without debate - a whole slew of behaviors that really just gave my “self” away. When I was pretty sure of my decision to go, but hadn’t let him know yet - I stopped doing these things. As I would share my real opinions (& face derision) or decline to cater to him (& watch as he tried to guilt me or manipulate to get his way) - I observed, like a lab experiment. It helped me a lot with the detachment process. Start stopping doing whatever things you do “to make her life easier” - and watch her responses & reactions. I’d bet a dollar you’ll start & continue to see her uglier sides come out. I’m sorry the experiment ended the way you would have predicted. But do try to appreciate how solid your knowledge is now. She will not change. On the flip side it isn't a bad idea to start doing any things she does for you. If you're a guy and don't know how to cook, you should learn. If she does a lot of the parenting, start forging stronger relations with your kids BEFORE you split from your spouse. It's all part of getting your own shit together but is often overlooked in the manic dash to freedom. EXACTLY!!! Thanks Shamwow
|
|
|
Post by solodriver on Jun 20, 2018 23:55:46 GMT -5
I’m sorry solodriver - clarity does hurt. It can also be a firm foundation. While you get your exit plan into place, start “not doing” things for her that she can do for herself. I used to: brings drinks from the other room, get up to get things he wanted, agree to “his choice” consistently without debate - a whole slew of behaviors that really just gave my “self” away. When I was pretty sure of my decision to go, but hadn’t let him know yet - I stopped doing these things. As I would share my real opinions (& face derision) or decline to cater to him (& watch as he tried to guilt me or manipulate to get his way) - I observed, like a lab experiment. It helped me a lot with the detachment process. Start stopping doing whatever things you do “to make her life easier” - and watch her responses & reactions. I’d bet a dollar you’ll start & continue to see her uglier sides come out. I’m sorry the experiment ended the way you would have predicted. But do try to appreciate how solid your knowledge is now. She will not change. Thanks geekgodess, I'm doing exactly as you have suggested. Thanks for your support and suggestions. Just like bballgirl, I'm doing this every day!
|
|
|
Post by solodriver on Jun 20, 2018 23:53:03 GMT -5
Solodriver, do you now plan to proceed with what you posted June 5? If so, are you spending today calling lawyers? Still, since you did not admit to your wife that you were attempting to make love, I don’t think you have yet confronted her., perhaps that means you aren’t ready yet to end the marriage. Time is not your friend. Delay too long and something is likely to happen that will prevent or make it more difficult for you to leave. You have already lost 30 years to your sm marriage that also seems devoid of love and concern for you. No I haven't had "The Talk" yet. I've got to focus on getting my employment situation stabilized and then I can focus on the marriage situation. But in the meantime, I am going to be as distant as I can. She noticed it tonight when I came home from work, but I just keep that look on her face and the words of rejection right in the front of my mind. and it keeps me focused on ignoring any tiny bits of attention she throwing my way. My goal is to start the separation/divorce process in the next 6 to 12 months, depending on how my job situation and finance situation can shake out.
|
|
|
Post by solodriver on Jun 20, 2018 23:45:15 GMT -5
I agree that the clarity is a good thing and honestly while it's still fresh and depending on what your goals are for yourself, I would call her out. If you do not plan to stay in the marriage then I would call her out and tell her that her behavior last night was disappointing and unacceptable. That you wanted to have sex but she wouldn't even snuggle and in your eyes this is not a marriage. Sex is part of marriage and if there's no sex then there are legal consequences. If you plan to stay no matter what then I recommend outsourcing and don't say a thing. As well I would detach and do nothing to make her life easier. Thank you bballgirl, your words took the sting out of what happened and yes I'm doing exactly as you have suggested. Focusing on my future happiness and looking forward to my next sexual experience, whenever that may happen!!
|
|
|
Post by solodriver on Jun 20, 2018 23:42:35 GMT -5
I’m sorry solodriver. I am always of a mind that the clarity in the situation (no matter how shitty it feels) is always a good thing. Funny because I was fully prepared to be rejected, but it still really, really hurt.
|
|