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Post by RumRunner on Jan 15, 2017 20:06:40 GMT -5
I never had an affair up until a couple of years ago. Although it did my morale good at the time, it solved nothing and now that it is over I am right back to where I started, though even more rejected. Feeling frustrated is hardly the word to use.
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Post by RumRunner on Jan 15, 2017 19:48:35 GMT -5
This kind of thing happened to me a time or two, years ago, and if she relented and gave in I would feel guilty because she really wasn't into it and didnt want to. I think that was the worst feeling of all. The whole idea of having sex anyway is to feel wanted, and loved, which would be a willing participant. I respected her wishes when she said no, because I wanted her to want it. The truth is, you cannot make her want it. It is a bad situation and it is far too common of it happening. After all, it is her heart that you want more than anything, not just the sex. But without the sex, you don't have her heart. It is a catch 22.... and it sucks
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Post by RumRunner on Jan 14, 2017 20:55:13 GMT -5
No and haven't for nearly 20 years. When the relationship went sexless and "was gross" (her words), I didn't feel right sleeping in the same bed. I had moved to a recliner and most recently now sleep in a bed in a camper in which now I can sleep better. We get along most of the time, but it is not that of a husband/wife type of relationship and it will never be.
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Post by RumRunner on Dec 15, 2016 19:05:40 GMT -5
Seriously. I hate this shit. Can I come stay with any of you Floridians? Sure come on down! It has been nice beach weather here.
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Post by RumRunner on Oct 3, 2016 0:22:50 GMT -5
Hi Ohio,
In my opinion, there comes a point in time that once the attraction leaves, you cannot get it back. Even if he all of a sudden decided to change, that really wouldn't fix anything. The lack of sex is only part of the problem, there is much more going on here and it is not right.
Being in a sexless marriage is frustrating beyond all measure. I think it is more than just the absence of sex, but the absence of the affection is just as painful, if not more so.
I hope you find your way soon and welcome to the community. My best wishes to you......
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Closure
Aug 29, 2016 22:43:25 GMT -5
Post by RumRunner on Aug 29, 2016 22:43:25 GMT -5
Awesome video! Great advice...
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Post by RumRunner on Aug 3, 2016 15:28:17 GMT -5
Once constructive communication leaves a relationship, there can only be one outcome. Stay strong, and go your own way. Seek what brings you happiness.
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Post by RumRunner on Aug 1, 2016 13:07:45 GMT -5
Have you ever taken a personality test ( for example Myers/Briggs, but there are many others), because I am curious about 2 things; 1) Do you think the test can help you or give you insights about your personal life as well as your work personality?? and 2) Is there one personality type more likely to get stuck in a SM?? Thank you very much Rhapsodee, you gave me the idea with your birth order thread. I am an ISFP, for any of you that have taken the Myers/Briggs test. Any other Personality Tests are valid to comment about. I am a new member so go easy on me. I am not certain I should not have put this thread under the Humor category, so with that thought, in "Pottermore" I was sorted into Slytherin! Now this seems like a good thread to me, and makes sense too. I am an INFJ-t, actually a 100% Introvert. I wonder just how many Introverts there are here or if there are any Extroverts at all in this group?
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Post by RumRunner on Aug 1, 2016 12:45:17 GMT -5
Last born here of a family of 5! So that must make me an odd duck, as usual.
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Post by RumRunner on Jul 31, 2016 14:08:15 GMT -5
There comes a time when one must not stay in the past but look to the future. Everything that has happened in the past should be a learning experience and each of us should strive to make ourselves a better person as a result. In the end, each of us are responsible for our own happiness.
The love and care from another human being is a gift, and should be cherished always. There are those that want to give, and those that want to take but true happiness is when there is both.
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Post by RumRunner on Jul 5, 2016 16:02:39 GMT -5
I think that most avoidant partners place themselves first, above their partners.... and in doing so there is no "us"! It doesn't matter how much you do or how you approach this issue, it will never be a true marriage. No, not all sexless marriages are like this, but I do believe that most are.
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Post by RumRunner on Jul 5, 2016 15:14:00 GMT -5
I don't sleep in the same bed with my husband and haven't in years. It began because he snores terribly. Now, I have no desire to be near him at all. In fact, we had to sleep in the same bed last summer when we did an overnight stay in a hotel. It was so uncomfortable. If the room had a tub, I would have slept there! Wow... you sound like me! I haven't been in the same bed with my wife in over 20 years. Any time we have to stay in a hotel, I get a room with two beds. Like you, I would be uncomfortable in the same bed as her. It would strangely feel like an invasion of her privacy.
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Post by RumRunner on Jul 5, 2016 15:00:05 GMT -5
Kudos to the moderators!!! I think as a general rule... Everyone should treat everyone else with kindness, respect and consideration, no matter what differences one may have with one another. I have seen many times on EP that people will often forget that there is a real live human being behind each username. Such rudeness, nastiness, and personal attacks has always made me delete my EP accounts before, though I eventually went back because of a select few that I liked to read from (I guess I had to keep taking my punishment!) This site seems to be moderated much better very well, and it also seems that the people here are not of the same caliber as those few that trolled EP. I actually hated EP, but just found the ILIASM group to be the only one on the internet that I found helpful to me.
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Post by RumRunner on Jun 23, 2016 23:06:50 GMT -5
I did meet a very nice lady on EP and although our intimate relationship was very short lived, we have remained as friends. It was my very first affair that I ever had, and I really loved the time we spent together but it just wasn't meant to be. I am sad that it didn't work out but I am very grateful for everything that we had shared. We have turned out to be really good friends and have an understanding that we are only friends, nothing more. I have never had any trouble making and keeping friends, but relationships is another story. I do think that after all these years of being in a sexless marriage has damaged me in some way, and I wouldn't ever be able to function in a normal relationship.
I am grateful she had come into my life and I consider myself very fortunate.
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Post by RumRunner on May 28, 2016 19:49:43 GMT -5
I am curious about your views on this topic.. Who pays for the room generally ? How long should one wait to get a room, if you connected on online ? I have ventured into this area and I find it challenging to find the 'right' person. I am someone that enjoys conversation, lots of it before getting physical. I have had one affair and it did not truly satisfy me because the frequency was not good, it lacked creativity and romance. I am not sure if my expectations are too high. I think settling in my marriage has spilled over to settling elsewhere in my life, and it leaves me feeling unworthy and doubting everything I do. I use to trust my instincts, but now I run everything by my best friend because I question whether my needs are right or wrong. How messed up is that ? I really would like to hear your expectations when outsourcing... I don't know your situation. I had an affair only once before, and it didn't last long since it was a long distance one. But after we had the affair, she told me that she only wanted to be friends. Today, we are very best friends, and like you, she questions everything and talks to me about what is going on in her life. So no, you are not messed up!!! I have been determined to be the best friend that I could be by being supportive, even though it secretly hurts because of what we used to share. I understand what you are saying about questioning your needs. As far as your expectations? No, I do not believe your expectations were too high. I think that outsourcing is very challenging because it is yet another relationship, and the fact that you cannot completely commit to the other because of your current situation is agonizing. This makes affairs complicated, unfortunately.
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