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Post by RumRunner on Apr 1, 2019 18:38:51 GMT -5
It had been many years since I had done anything, and when I had the chance with a one and only affair, it just didn't work out for many reasons. Having this one experience convinced me that I am too old and too much time has passed. This is why I say that. Dude. You are younger than I am. Would you tell ME to give up on ever having sex again? Of course not, I would never tell you that nor to anyone else. For myself, I have come to accept my situation for what it is. From my perspective, I no longer have the will to look elsewhere. If I were in my 20s, 30s, or even 40s; I am sure I would feel very differently and my decision could very well be different.
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Post by RumRunner on Mar 25, 2019 20:49:12 GMT -5
RumRunner you say you feel that you couldn't make another woman happy if you divorced and tried to make a go of it with someone new. Why do you believe that? How do you know? Just wondering. It had been many years since I had done anything, and when I had the chance with a one and only affair, it just didn't work out for many reasons. Having this one experience convinced me that I am too old and too much time has passed. This is why I say that. |
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Post by RumRunner on Feb 15, 2019 20:47:11 GMT -5
A few years ago, I came to ILIASM and read all the great posts that people were writing when it was on EP. Since then, I have come and gone but always come back to here.
My mood tonight is pretty low, it happens sometimes when you realize your life is s**t. That's not saying my wife is bad by no means, she just has absolutely no romantic desire at all. We don't celebrate Valentines Day, and haven't for many many years! Our marriage has now been sexless for 18 years as of yesterday! There is no changing it, that part of our marriage is dead and decomposed to dust years ago. I did meet a lady from here, but after a period of time and having met her twice; we decided it would be better if we were only friends, and truthfully I was okay with that. I had discovered that affairs are not for me, and I realize that I would never be able to make a woman happy after all this time. It is great when you can think you can do all these sexy things that you really would love to do, but when it comes to practice; fail miserably. So.... that leads me to acceptance of my current situation.
Acceptance is probably one of the hardest things to do. But the realization of knowing that starting over would be too daunting of a challenge. Starting over would be financially catastrophic for both the spouse and I, and I wouldn't want my spouse to struggle anyway. Also, starting over would mean when you do get with someone else, you have to learn all the habits they have, good and bad and vice versa (I have plenty of bad habits of my own!)  . You will find things won't be perfect there either. Truth is, no relationship is perfect! Ever! I think the key to any successful relationship though is compromise and the willingness to make it work; even if it is a sexless relationship. (These are just my thoughts)
I have chosen to keep myself busy with hobbies in order to stay sane. Sometimes that approach works really well! Having the ability to be alone with nature while on an adventure somewhere is probably one of the best coping tools I have. I am glad I have such time to be able to do just that!
Best wishes to everyone here.....
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Post by RumRunner on Mar 18, 2018 20:58:20 GMT -5
No... my wedding night was a disaster, and a sign of many things to come!
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Post by RumRunner on Mar 18, 2018 20:55:29 GMT -5
"Leaving the light on" in this story is more like "fishing with the wrong bait". Simply put, what you have is not what your partner wants! Sometimes it doesn't matter what you do or how you act, the end result will always be the same. There will be no catch tonight, or tomorrow night, or the night after!!!
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Post by RumRunner on Dec 27, 2017 20:45:22 GMT -5
For some strange reason the Pina Colada song from Rupert Holmes - Escape comes to mind. Well that song ended happily. Ha!
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Post by RumRunner on Dec 27, 2017 19:35:57 GMT -5
No I'm not. The last few months especially. I won't go into details but truthfully there hasn't been anything to look forward to.
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Post by RumRunner on Mar 18, 2017 19:53:53 GMT -5
My partner sleeps as close to me as possible, gives me lots of kisses, lots of attention, follows me everywhere. May partner is also loyal, excited to see me and is dedicated to me always. My partner is not the one I am married to…. The partner I speak of is my little dog. For the last 15 years there has been no sex at all. None. Before we got to this point, there had been signs, many signs leading up to this. Sex has always been gross, a dirty little deed that is required to bare children and we only had one child. To kiss with an open mouth is gross. Oral sex is gross. The only position she would ever consider was missionary, and even then she would ask if I thought it was going to rain that day in middle of trying to do something. I always felt so bad after we did do something because I knew that she didn't want to. I felt so guilty, that I apologized repeatedly to her. I felt like I had raped her, though she was my wife. Sex has always been a horrible struggle from the very beginning. I finally had enough, and stopped asking for sex, that's when the sex stopped all together. Before marriage, she said she was saving it until after marriage. She is still saving it, I guess now until after the funeral. I have come to accept it and I know it will never change. I gave up trying to change it long ago. If I had any advice to give to the young people out there.... I would say beware of anyone who says that they want to wait until after marriage to have sex... It's a trap! When you mentioned your wife talking about the weather in the "middle" of it - it just brought back a memory of mine of the first years of my marriage. When we still had sex sometimes my H sometimes and all of a sudden started to break out into laughters - sometimes also when we started to kiss more intimately. I asked him what it was about and he replied that it was about joke X or Z ... wow such an off turn... Yes, that is a very big turn off! I think that one beats the wife asking about the weather. I know that didn't make you feel good.... Save |
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Post by RumRunner on Feb 27, 2017 22:23:55 GMT -5
Beautifully written! I have always enjoyed reading your posts.
I have always valued "sex" as a commodity because without it, that "special" bond cannot be there. Since the spouse does not value that commodity, it wreaks havoc on you personally because those advances are "unwanted", and it also translates to feeling "unwanted" as well. On Valentines Day, against my better judgement I went ahead and cooked a nice dinner for her and had it waiting when she got home. I gave her flowers, candy, and even as far as lit some candles. There was no thank you, no acknowledgement of the fact of what i had done, nothing. I don't know why I did this, but I did. This was no surprise because I already knew exactly how she would act and it was to be expected. For me, it is more than just the lack of sex; though that is part of it. It is also the lack of affection and appreciation. I let it go because after all of these years, it no longer matters to me. I guess just needed a little reinforcement to know that things have not changed; and they haven't..... Still, it would be nice if things were different.
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Post by RumRunner on Feb 26, 2017 10:33:22 GMT -5
Come to think of it, I have never had sex on my birthday. Mine is coming up and I will be lucky if she will even acknowledge it. Oh, but don't forget hers. What she will want is to go out to eat to a restaurant and for any other attention except for that gross little thing called sex. Party balloons and cake would due! I feel like I am married to a child!
Sex would be the best birthday present one could give, (unless it is to an assexual) I could only dream of a such a thing. But that would be asking for too much. Besides, for me there is nothing to celebrate.
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Post by RumRunner on Feb 25, 2017 16:18:44 GMT -5
I have always said that nobody has a marriage like the one that I have. I have always thought it, and I still think it to this day. My marriage is one of dependence/co-dependence. We get along great most of the time, and are like roommates. "Sex" is completely non-existent. None! We don't even see each other naked. Sexual contact has always been something that she disliked and/or felt uncomfortable with. It saddens me really, because she really is a good person. She just doesn't have the interest or desire, and never had it. I get so frustrated sometimes, and this has been going on for so many years!!!! I have always had in my mind what a good marriage relationship should be, but I have never had it. I also struggle with guilt. Should I leave because there is no sex in my marriage? What if I never find it? Or what if I get into a situation that is worse then what I have? What about her? What will happen to her? My family? What would that make me in the eyes of family? I feel so selfish for even asking for such a thing from her. It is a dead end, and there is no hope. I ask myself this question all the time.... If I were to leave this marriage and start over again, would it really make me any happier or would it make it worse. My fears are often thinking that it would be worse.... Therefore, I stay in this situation.
I don't know what anyone here would call this, or even if you think that I am crazy; hell I know I am crazy! But this is what has been going thru my mind for many years.
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Post by RumRunner on Feb 23, 2017 1:34:12 GMT -5
Never a dull moment! I think I have been away for too long!
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Post by RumRunner on Feb 9, 2017 13:22:55 GMT -5
Sounds like y'all will have a wonderful time! Florida really does have some fabulous beaches, and the gulf coast has the most remarkable sunsets!
It would be great to hear your stories from this trip and see pictures as well.
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Why?
Feb 3, 2017 22:21:44 GMT -5
wewbwb likes this
Post by RumRunner on Feb 3, 2017 22:21:44 GMT -5
In my opinion, the "why" does matter. If I knew why, then maybe I can understand the reason that the "why" has happened, and perhaps I can learn from it; either to prevent it from happening again or knowing what to do about it. Even if I cannot fix it, if I knew why then I would know for sure what the problem is. For me, it is all about knowledge.
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Post by RumRunner on Jan 16, 2017 2:59:41 GMT -5
Keeping one's sanity is hardly that of a hypocrite. I reserve that word for those who preach how Godly they are yet practice the opposite. You are only choosing to get along to make life easier, so how is that being a hypocrite? It is not. And why increase tension and anxiety for yourself if it isn't necessary? I think you are smart.
Best Wishes....
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. You will find things won't be perfect there either. Truth is, no relationship is perfect! Ever! I think the key to any successful relationship though is compromise and the willingness to make it work; even if it is a sexless relationship. (These are just my thoughts)
