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Post by rejected101 on Jan 15, 2017 19:22:38 GMT -5
So I woke up today having had another attempted initiation turned down last night. My last failed attempt was probably about 3 weeks ago. We'd had an amazing family day together, laughed together, went for a walk as a family, lovely dinner, cuddles on the sofa whilst the kids enjoyed a film. We got in to bed and immediately spooned and I started to kiss her neck. "I don't want to" was her immediate response before she rubbed my leg as if to say 'there there. Humiliated, confused and somewhat pissed off I closed my eyes hoping to go to sleep in seconds and forget everything. That night I had an outrageous dream about another woman who I used to work with and when I woke up I felt as guilty as sin. It felt like I'd had an affair. I believe my wife has been totally faithful but sometimes I start to itch for an affair. The feeling comes and eventually goes but it itches nonetheless. I know it would be a terrible thing to do, I know that I could and most likely would lose everything but I can't help feeling that the icing on the cake at the end of such a nice day together would have been the unique closeness of having sex with my wife. With another woman I wouldn't even get what I'm truly after which is the closeness with my wife and judging by the guilt I felt for having a dream I would be in a right state. Maybe it's stupid logic but I sometimes think that If my desire had been taken care of already I wouldn't have felt an impulse to initiate which = wouldn't have looked like a fool and wouldn't have felt so crap. It feels shit to be rejected all the bloody time. This post it just simply me letting off steam So if you have read it hoping that I found the key that unlocks the door to a sexless marriage......sorry.
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Post by RumRunner on Jan 15, 2017 19:48:35 GMT -5
This kind of thing happened to me a time or two, years ago, and if she relented and gave in I would feel guilty because she really wasn't into it and didnt want to. I think that was the worst feeling of all. The whole idea of having sex anyway is to feel wanted, and loved, which would be a willing participant. I respected her wishes when she said no, because I wanted her to want it. The truth is, you cannot make her want it. It is a bad situation and it is far too common of it happening. After all, it is her heart that you want more than anything, not just the sex. But without the sex, you don't have her heart. It is a catch 22.... and it sucks
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Post by rejected101 on Jan 15, 2017 19:56:33 GMT -5
This kind of thing happened to me a time or two, years ago, and if she relented and gave in I would feel guilty because she really wasn't into it and didnt want to. I think that was the worst feeling of all. The whole idea of having sex anyway is to feel wanted, and loved, which would be a willing participant. I respected her wishes when said no, because I wanted her to want it. The truth is, you cannot make her want it. It is a bad situation and it is far too common of it happening. After all, it is her heart that you want more than anything, not just the sex. But without the sex, you don't have her heart. It is a catch 22.... and it sucks You're absolutely right. I do not want her to submit and just lay there. It's very difficult to deal with what feels like the rejection of an offering of love and closeness. Catch 22 indeed. However, thus far affairs 0 and counting and I'm proud I can say that. I hate the itching though! |
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Post by RumRunner on Jan 15, 2017 20:06:40 GMT -5
I never had an affair up until a couple of years ago. Although it did my morale good at the time, it solved nothing and now that it is over I am right back to where I started, though even more rejected. Feeling frustrated is hardly the word to use.
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Post by jim44444 on Jan 15, 2017 20:08:21 GMT -5
That night I had an outrageous dream about another woman who I used to work with and when I woke up I felt as guilty as sin. It felt like I'd had an affair. I am not trying to belittle your feelings but it was a dream. Very few people are able to control their dreams. Enjoy ones like that, they are better than nightmares. |
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Post by baza on Jan 15, 2017 20:19:05 GMT -5
There are any number of Indian Mystic / Sharman sites on the net where they interpret your dreams for you.
Have your credit card handy.
Or put the money aside into your exit strategy, if that's the way you are leaning.
Or spend it on scented candles / lingerie / date nights, if that's the way you are leaning.
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Post by cagedtiger on Jan 15, 2017 23:47:47 GMT -5
A series of incredibly vivid dreams I had two months after my wedding got the gears in my head turning about what was wrong that I was already finding myself in a SM. Two. Months. I knew then I'd made a mistake; 18 months later, I'm finally ready to correct it.
Pay attention to your dreams and how they make you feel; your subconscious intuition is a powerful thing.
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Post by beachguy on Jan 17, 2017 10:09:44 GMT -5
There's nothing wrong with wanting to be loved. There's nothing wrong with your dreams. There's everything wrong with a marriage devoid of love.
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Post by bballgirl on Jan 17, 2017 10:13:20 GMT -5
Summer of 2015 I dreamt he served me divorce papers.
I realized he never would so I made that dream sort of come true!
This Friday I'm out one year!
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Post by beachguy on Jan 17, 2017 10:39:19 GMT -5
As long as you feel guilty you will continue to allow your wife to unilaterally frame your marriage and determine what you should consider your legitimate needs. And you can expect nothing to change for the rest of your marriage, however long that lasts. The first step to coming to terms with the idea that you have legitimate needs is to ditch the guilt. If your wife refuses to take care of your needs, eventually someone else will. One way or the other. Within the marriage or post divorce, which is a better way to do it.
I suspect your wife is intuitively aware of your guilt, therefore she feels no pressure to take care of your needs. Of course, she is likely unable to take care of your needs because you don't just want sex, you want to be wanted in a way she is unable to want you.
I have a question for you... if your wife told you she was gay, would that change your desire not to blow up your life and live with this?
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Post by Deleted on Jan 17, 2017 10:44:12 GMT -5
It amazes me people get upset when they get turned down when they already know on some level that's exactly what is going to happen - wishful thinking will not loosen panties
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Post by rejected101 on Jan 17, 2017 10:54:23 GMT -5
It amazes me people get upset when they get turned down when they already know on some level that's exactly what is going to happen - wishful thinking will not loosen panties Hmm, why bother getting up each day and working hard? You're only going to die one day. |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 17, 2017 11:08:41 GMT -5
It amazes me people get upset when they get turned down when they already know on some level that's exactly what is going to happen - wishful thinking will not loosen panties Hmm, why bother getting up each day and working hard? You're only going to die one day. Because work can provide joy, and give you money to enjoy life and find a lady who wants sex .... remember the old saying madness is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results |
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Post by rejected101 on Jan 17, 2017 11:28:26 GMT -5
Hmm, why bother getting up each day and working hard? You're only going to die one day. Because work can provide joy, and give you money to enjoy life and find a lady who wants sex .... remember the old saying madness is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results Point taken (begrudgingly) |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 18, 2017 10:58:05 GMT -5
I believe my wife has been totally faithful No, she has not. Sexual refusal is unfaithfulness. Recently, my STBX said that she had been completely faithful for 28 years. I asked if she actually believed that after 6 yrs of total refusal. She said yes. After hearing that, I knew that she was not normal. Faithfulness is a lot more than just not fucking another person. |
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