flowerdust
Junior Member
Posts: 61 
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by flowerdust on Feb 2, 2017 9:24:06 GMT -5
Last weekend
So this is a post I put in Time Bomb and there now is and update. My Timer exploded this past weekend, Something he said to me and it all came flooding out. Told him I did not want to hear anymore of his excuses on why or treatments he was supposed to be getting and was not. Even when we did have sex that it felt like I disgusted him upon entry and he would lose it roll over and go to sleep, did not even have the decency to finish me off and I am left there thinking to myself what the hell. Told him that I just think he did not want to anymore for what ever reason and I did not care at this point. As he stands in front of me with this pug smile on his face. Told him that I was going to start out sourcing or get a divorce, because having sex with him was just not on the table anymore. Why should I even try when I know nothing is going to happen. I also said I was done talking about it with him as I could talk till the cows come home and nothing was going to change . This is what he says to me. I don't know what you mean about not finishing you off, And apparently after 20 years I don't know him. I really do not think he believes me about the out sourcing or divorce. Last Night H comes to me and tells me that he has been trying this new herbal stuff from the health food store that he so excited about that opens all your blood vessels and seems to be working. He also would like to start trying this other product they sell tree bark I think he said. He tells me that he has been investigating this for weeks, and seems to be working. Then go's on to what he would like to do to me when we have the chance to be alone in a hotel with no interruptions someday soon. I ask him why he has never mentioned any of this to me until now and even after the conversation over the weekend he said ( I wanted it to be a surprise) ? Really ! ( don't you think that something like this you should be telling me, keeping me updated, so I know that you are trying  ?) I said. Anyway I do not know if this is just another game that he is playing, Maybe he did believe me about out sourcing and divorce , or maybe not, Maybe he is just now getting more creative ? On Monday I got him to do that marriage test that was posted on this site, his score was 60 which he see's nothing wrong in our relationship. I did find out from a friend yesterday that my H told her H not to take the viagra or calis, that it was not healthy for anyone to do that , She was not impressed about that one . He has no clue that I know this, I also will not be telling him. I want to believe, but there is just so much of a past, I am so thinking it is just another manipulation tactic on his part. He has learned how to push my buttons. Any insight would be helpful
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Post by wewbwb on Feb 2, 2017 9:54:32 GMT -5
okay- First off - your new avatar.
If that's you - The problem isn't you.
holy smokes... okay (focus focus focus)
If he is having a problem with his erection and isn't willing to take something for it (assuming that he is healthy enough to take something for it) and make you happy - The issue isn't just physical.
It sounds like reset sex.
HOWEVER- if the things he told you he wants to do to you are plausible things that are in his character, maybe he isn't just yanking your chain.
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Post by shamwow on Feb 2, 2017 10:03:16 GMT -5
Got to agree with wewbwb on avatar (damn) and on reset sex.
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flowerdust
Junior Member
Posts: 61
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by flowerdust on Feb 2, 2017 10:15:01 GMT -5
okay- First off - your new avatar. If that's you - The problem isn't you. holy smokes... okay (focus focus focus) If he is having a problem with his erection and isn't willing to take something for it (assuming that he is healthy enough to take something for it) and make you happy - The issue isn't just physical. It sounds like reset sex. HOWEVER- if the things he told you he wants to do to you are plausible things that are in his character, maybe he isn't just yanking your chain. What is reset sex ? Sorry I do not know that term. And yes that is me taken this past Christmas. Holy !!! Maybe I should take it down |
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Post by worksforme2 on Feb 2, 2017 10:25:20 GMT -5
Not to steal wewbwb's thunder.... Reset sex is the sex your otherwise avoiding partner is willing to have with you in the expectation that doing so will stop your pestering them for at least a period of time. It also is part of the control they exercise to keep you thinking that maybe there is some hope going forward that things could get better over time. In short, it's to placate you for a spell.
As to your avatar I think it is quite an attractive picture and I see no reason for you to remove it unless you are uncomfortable.
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Post by deadzone75 on Feb 2, 2017 10:31:16 GMT -5
I don't buy the "I wanted it to be a surprise" bit. If he has trouble with erections, does he ever offer to help you in other ways while he is "investigating"?
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Post by shamwow on Feb 2, 2017 10:32:52 GMT -5
Sorry if we freaked you out about avatar comments. Just saying you look good and your husband is nuts. Many of us don't get many comments from our spouses so like to compliment each other when we can.
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flowerdust
Junior Member
Posts: 61
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by flowerdust on Feb 2, 2017 10:37:22 GMT -5
Not to steal wewbwb's thunder.... Reset sex is the sex your otherwise avoiding partner is willing to have with you in the expectation that doing so will stop your pestering them for at least a period of time. It also is part of the control they exercise to keep you thinking that maybe there is some hope going forward that things could get better over time. In short, it's to placate you for a spell. As to your avatar I think it is quite an attractive picture and I see no reason for you to remove it unless you are uncomfortable. Thank you. I did not realize that there was a word for what he has been doing to me over the past 10 years. Reset Sex ! Who new ? Wow !!!! That just opened another can of worms in my head . Is it a power and control thing ? I just don't understand why he would not want to have sex, aside from being fun I don't get it. |
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Post by worksforme2 on Feb 2, 2017 10:38:31 GMT -5
Additional thoughts......You know your H. Is it a typical behavior for him to use herbal supplements? Does he or has he in the past been reluctant to take prescribed medications or speak with his doctor about a condition or ailment? Just wondering if your H is into natural treatments or holistic approaches to medicine given the negative thoughts he has about Viagra or Cialis. If the answer is yes I guess it could be possible your H is attempting to treat his ED using herbal supplements. Many herbal supplements have been shown to be effective in younger men when it comes to either lack of libido or poor erections. In short, does it sound like the way he might or would approach this physical issue? If so there may just be an outside possibility he is trying to get something going in the performance dept. I don't know enough to be able to speak definitively.
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flowerdust
Junior Member
Posts: 61
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by flowerdust on Feb 2, 2017 10:42:11 GMT -5
I don't buy the "I wanted it to be a surprise" bit. If he has trouble with erections, does he ever offer to help you in other ways while he is "investigating"? Nope Nothing Just teases me (i.e.) tells me what he would like to do, Grabs this and that, among other things but nothing ever happens |
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flowerdust
Junior Member
Posts: 61
Age Range: 46-50
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UP DATE
Feb 2, 2017 10:47:58 GMT -5
Post by flowerdust on Feb 2, 2017 10:47:58 GMT -5
Additional thoughts......You know your H. Is it a typical behavior for him to use herbal supplements? Does he or has he in the past been reluctant to take prescribed medications or speak with his doctor about a condition or ailment? Just wondering if your H is into natural treatments or holistic approaches to medicine given the negative thoughts he has about Viagra or Cialis. If the answer is yes I guess it could be possible your H is attempting to treat his ED using herbal supplements. Many herbal supplements have been shown to be effective in younger men when it comes to either lack of libido or poor erections. In short, does it sound like the way he might or would approach this physical issue? If so there may just be an outside possibility he is trying to get something going in the performance dept. I don't know enough to be able to speak definitively. This herbal thing is new for him. He has seen his Dr on my demand, who referred him. He is supposed to get testosterone shots every two weeks, But I confirmed with our Dr office yesterday he has missed lots of appt |
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Post by wewbwb on Feb 2, 2017 10:54:34 GMT -5
Okay -so he has an issue tat is affecting you and your marriage.
But isn't willing to do anything about it.
That is the issue you need to address.
If he isn't willing to get healthy so the two of you can have a complete marriage that's a problem.
Have you tried counseling and/or therapy?
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Post by shamwow on Feb 2, 2017 10:59:29 GMT -5
Often pulling out a gun and pointing it at someone can get an immediate (if temporary) change in behavior.
When you used the words Outsource and Divorce, you put a pair of six shooters on the table facing him.
It is unlikely any behavioral changes are the result of a newfound wellspring of love. Rather, he is looking down the barrels of those guns not liking what he sees.
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Post by shamwow on Feb 2, 2017 11:00:20 GMT -5
Sorry for the very Texas analogy lol
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Post by deadzone75 on Feb 2, 2017 11:02:19 GMT -5
If he is not willing to help you in other ways while he is dealing with whatever men issues, I would say it's an absolute act. Now, I have grown to be quite the negative person (being in a SM will do that), but there is no reason why he can't service you in other ways. Just talking about what he wants to do is insulting to you, and I'm guessing he thinks he can just stall with words. Until you pushed him with your recent talk, but now it's more talk..."oh, just you wait until this bark works and we go to a hotel". I wonder what he would say if you told him you want other means of pleasure while you wait on him.
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?) I said. 
