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Post by GeekGoddess on Feb 2, 2017 11:10:41 GMT -5
flowerdust - I love the avatar pic. You look beautiful as well as confident. I don't buy the "investigating for weeks" line. That's bull. If it was true, it would have come out during the weekend ultimatum discussion. He hopes this unsubstantiated claim will get you to back off for a while. Don't fall for the trap, I say. But you make your own choice. Many choose to give another chance, another try, & then another & another. Only you can determine when you've had enough evidence to show whether "still trying" is enough. It sounds like a VERY one-sided deal where you give until it hurts & he just keeps taking. Stay strong, sister, and take care of yourself.
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Post by McRoomMate on Feb 2, 2017 11:12:30 GMT -5
Often pulling out a gun and pointing it at someone can get an immediate (if temporary) change in behavior. When you used the words Outsource and Divorce, you put a pair of six shooters on the table facing him. It is unlikely any behavioral changes are the result of a newfound wellspring of love. Rather, he is looking down the barrels of those guns not liking what he sees. Beautifully put. Basic Human Behavior . . . so obvious yet so hidden - certainly from me. Divorce / Outsourcing yes indeed - scaring the "Controller" for a change. Very nice and a bit poetic justice. |
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flowerdust
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Age Range: 46-50
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UP DATE
Feb 2, 2017 11:12:43 GMT -5
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Post by flowerdust on Feb 2, 2017 11:12:43 GMT -5
Okay -so he has an issue tat is affecting you and your marriage. But isn't willing to do anything about it. That is the issue you need to address. If he isn't willing to get healthy so the two of you can have a complete marriage that's a problem. Have you tried counseling and/or therapy? Have not tried that yet. I know he will not go as it is way to expensive. I have spoken to my therapist about it she has given me things to think about but has also said she is not a marriage counsellor or a sex therapist so she really cannot give me the answers that I am seeking. |
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flowerdust
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Posts: 61
Age Range: 46-50
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UP DATE
Feb 2, 2017 11:14:18 GMT -5
Post by flowerdust on Feb 2, 2017 11:14:18 GMT -5
Sorry for the very Texas analogy lol It all makes sense and easy to understand. Loved the way you put it |
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flowerdust
Junior Member
Posts: 61
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by flowerdust on Feb 2, 2017 11:16:56 GMT -5
If he is not willing to help you in other ways while he is dealing with whatever men issues, I would say it's an absolute act. Now, I have grown to be quite the negative person (being in a SM will do that), but there is no reason why he can't service you in other ways. Just talking about what he wants to do is insulting to you, and I'm guessing he thinks he can just stall with words. Until you pushed him with your recent talk, but now it's more talk..."oh, just you wait until this bark works and we go to a hotel". I wonder what he would say if you told him you want other means of pleasure while you wait on him. I have bought toys even showed him how to use them. Not interested |
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Post by McRoomMate on Feb 2, 2017 11:19:46 GMT -5
My reading of this is your H is not interested. I agree entirely with shamwow comments about "pulling a gun" and immediate change in behavior. Why do you have to DRAG him kicking and screaming into the bedroom? Why is he so reluctant to have sex or so unwilling to find a cure (he seems unwilling or half-measure not serious - I could be wrong)? If Sex was important for your H would he not be doing everything possible with full motivation to get the Sex working again (I certainly would - my wife of course Hell No). I mean if one Spouse just does not seem to be bothered by "NEVER SEX" lifestyle than for me - End of analysis. I learned that word too today "RESET SEX" Is it really worth or even possible "MANUFACTURING" and "NEGOTIATING" a freaking normal sex life and intimacy between Spouses??? The fact that this is something subject to negotiation tells me enough already. The solution in my mind is in the problem. In other words, these facts and circumstances (begging your Husband for Sex and him half-ass trying and NOT even trying on his own to fix this???) just points to me one clear path out of this Passionless/Sexless Marriage. And the AVATAR - yes you are beautiful - you are still young and yes you can find a long term relationship with LOVE - it exists - but we must take action and go thru a jungle of pain first to get there. I am a Junior Member and I am bringing my own bias and subjectivity to this analysis - which may be obvious. |
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flowerdust
Junior Member
Posts: 61
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by flowerdust on Feb 2, 2017 11:22:29 GMT -5
flowerdust - I love the avatar pic. You look beautiful as well as confident. I don't buy the "investigating for weeks" line. That's bull. If it was true, it would have come out during the weekend ultimatum discussion. He hopes this unsubstantiated claim will get you to back off for a while. Don't fall for the trap, I say. But you make your own choice. Many choose to give another chance, another try, & then another & another. Only you can determine when you've had enough evidence to show whether "still trying" is enough. It sounds like a VERY one-sided deal where you give until it hurts & he just keeps taking. Stay strong, sister, and take care of yourself. Thank you. And I think you maybe right. I have given him chance after chance . Apparently the new words reset sex so apply to me. |
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Post by shamwow on Feb 2, 2017 11:23:14 GMT -5
If he is not willing to help you in other ways while he is dealing with whatever men issues, I would say it's an absolute act. Now, I have grown to be quite the negative person (being in a SM will do that), but there is no reason why he can't service you in other ways. Just talking about what he wants to do is insulting to you, and I'm guessing he thinks he can just stall with words. Until you pushed him with your recent talk, but now it's more talk..."oh, just you wait until this bark works and we go to a hotel". I wonder what he would say if you told him you want other means of pleasure while you wait on him. I have bought toys even showed him how to use them. Not interested Show and tell and still no interest? Serious question, but is he perhaps closet gay? |
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flowerdust
Junior Member
Posts: 61
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by flowerdust on Feb 2, 2017 11:33:01 GMT -5
I have bought toys even showed him how to use them. Not interested Show and tell and still no interest? Serious question, but is he perhaps closet gay? Thank you for the lol. Maybe he is ? I am starting to think he just dose not want me for what ever reason. Maybe just staying in the relationship because of our children. If so it would be nice for him to tell me that, so I can move on and not beat my head against the wall |
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Post by LITW on Feb 2, 2017 12:10:07 GMT -5
If he is not willing to help you in other ways while he is dealing with whatever men issues, I would say it's an absolute act. Now, I have grown to be quite the negative person (being in a SM will do that), but there is no reason why he can't service you in other ways. Just talking about what he wants to do is insulting to you, and I'm guessing he thinks he can just stall with words. Until you pushed him with your recent talk, but now it's more talk..."oh, just you wait until this bark works and we go to a hotel". I wonder what he would say if you told him you want other means of pleasure while you wait on him. I have bought toys even showed him how to use them. Not interested Wow ... FAIL! He is either dead, or gay. No normal guy would be able to resist a woman buying sex toys. There is definitely something fishy going on, he is not being truthful with you. |
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flowerdust
Junior Member
Posts: 61
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by flowerdust on Feb 2, 2017 12:33:48 GMT -5
I have bought toys even showed him how to use them. Not interested Wow ... FAIL! He is either dead, or gay. No normal guy would be able to resist a woman buying sex toys. There is definitely something fishy going on, he is not being truthful with you. That is what I have been thinking for a while, on both counts. but how do I get him to fess up. Iam always about the truth I have never lied to him about anything, in return I expect the same. |
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Post by bballgirl on Feb 2, 2017 12:54:38 GMT -5
Wow ... FAIL! He is either dead, or gay. No normal guy would be able to resist a woman buying sex toys. There is definitely something fishy going on, he is not being truthful with you. That is what I have been thinking for a while, on both counts. but how do I get him to fess up. Iam always about the truth I have never lied to him about anything, in return I expect the same. Here's a question for yourself: Why do you want him to fess up? Is it because you would want to repair the relationship or is it for Justice abd closure? |
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Post by worksforme2 on Feb 2, 2017 13:02:22 GMT -5
Wow ... FAIL! He is either dead, or gay. No normal guy would be able to resist a woman buying sex toys. There is definitely something fishy going on, he is not being truthful with you. That is what I have been thinking for a while, on both counts. but how do I get him to fess up. Iam always about the truth I have never lied to him about anything, in return I expect the same. The probability is you are spinning your wheels if you are trying to get him to "fess up". A logical look at things tells us that our spouses simply don't see the sexless state of the relationship as an issue. How much time or thought do you give to something that doesn't interest you? His truth is different from your truth. Your truth says sex and intimacy are important. His truth says to him it isn't. I'm big on honesty also. That's why I had 3 talks with my now X about me outsourcing instead of cheating. But in the end we were just too far apart on the mortar that holds a marriage together. We ended up divorcing. I agree with most the replies above. Especially when it comes to him not doing everything in his power medically to improve his ED. The ED may not be his fault, but not exploring every avenue available to get the machinery running again is pretty revealing. When I realized my own libido had fallen off considerably the 1st thing I did was have my testosterone checked. When the test show I was really way below normal I immediately started a weekly shot and my desire returned to more like where I thought it should be. The willingness and the determination to address one's own issues really reveals how committed one is to the relationship. And lastly not putting those toys to good use with you while working on the remedy for his ED speaks volumes. |
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Post by shamwow on Feb 2, 2017 13:09:28 GMT -5
Often pulling out a gun and pointing it at someone can get an immediate (if temporary) change in behavior. When you used the words Outsource and Divorce, you put a pair of six shooters on the table facing him. It is unlikely any behavioral changes are the result of a newfound wellspring of love. Rather, he is looking down the barrels of those guns not liking what he sees. Beautifully put. Basic Human Behavior . . . so obvious yet so hidden - certainly from me. Divorce / Outsourcing yes indeed - scaring the "Controller" for a change. Very nice and a bit poetic justice. It may feel good for a short time but if you pull out the divorce gun and don't follow through then he knows your threats have no teeth. It sounds like the possibility was mentioned but no explicit threat was made. Be careful that you have a full exit plan together before truly threatening either of these. Onnice that bell has been rung it cannot be un rung and you may need that plan ASAP . |
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Post by DryCreek on Feb 2, 2017 13:10:16 GMT -5
Wow ... FAIL! He is either dead, or gay. No normal guy would be able to resist a woman buying sex toys. There is definitely something fishy going on, he is not being truthful with you. That is what I have been thinking for a while, on both counts. but how do I get him to fess up. Iam always about the truth I have never lied to him about anything, in return I expect the same. He's unlikely to give you the honest admission you expect, either because a) he isn't introspective enough to have an answer, or b) he knows the truth but also realizes that confessing it will mean a certain divorce. This is very common. They'd rather live a lie than be introspective and face the consequences. You've also stumbled across another pitfall that's common here - "why chasing". We all want to know the reason - are they gay, asexual, whatever. In the end, that changes nothing about the situation; it's a mental exercise to justify your decision to yourself (and maybe to others). And... we all do it. Some of us for decades. |
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