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Post by bballgirl on Feb 4, 2017 10:28:12 GMT -5
flowerdust - good for you to want to be sexy and the best that you can be. Regardless of whether your H realizes or not that's on him. I think you should make a Sexual Bucket List and tell him you want him to add 5 or 10 things to the list. He should be an active participant in the rebirth of your sex life. Frequency would definitely be on that list for me. Then you guys could check things off. In 6 months or a year or whatever your time frame is the checkmarks will speak for themselves. If he doesn't want to add to the list then provide him a copy of what you want and if he's not capable or able to sexually satisfy you then he doesn't have to be your husband or outsource. By having a list you hold him accountable and the words Bucket List make it fun and playful and if he doesn't see it that way then that says a lot.
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Post by shamwow on Feb 4, 2017 10:32:04 GMT -5
flowerdust - good for you to want to be sexy and the best that you can be. Regardless of whether your H realizes or not that's on him. I think you should make a Sexual Bucket List and tell him you want him to add 5 or 10 things to the list. He should be an active participant in the rebirth of your sex life. Frequency would definitely be on that list for me. Then you guys could check things off. In 6 months or a year or whatever your time frame is the checkmarks will speak for themselves. If he doesn't want to add to the list then provide him a copy of what you want and if he's not capable or able to sexually satisfy you then he doesn't have to be your husband or outsource. By having a list you hold him accountable and the words Bucket List make it fun and playful and if he doesn't see it that way then that says a lot. I believe there is a thread of bucket list ideas in the Sexualy Speaking category if you need ideas. Warning, I had to look a few interesting ideas on Urban Dictionary |
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Post by bballgirl on Feb 4, 2017 10:45:50 GMT -5
flowerdust - good for you to want to be sexy and the best that you can be. Regardless of whether your H realizes or not that's on him. I think you should make a Sexual Bucket List and tell him you want him to add 5 or 10 things to the list. He should be an active participant in the rebirth of your sex life. Frequency would definitely be on that list for me. Then you guys could check things off. In 6 months or a year or whatever your time frame is the checkmarks will speak for themselves. If he doesn't want to add to the list then provide him a copy of what you want and if he's not capable or able to sexually satisfy you then he doesn't have to be your husband or outsource. By having a list you hold him accountable and the words Bucket List make it fun and playful and if he doesn't see it that way then that says a lot. I believe there is a thread of bucket list ideas in the Sexualy Speaking category if you need ideas. Warning, I had to look a few interesting ideas on Urban Dictionary Yeah it's a good thread!! |
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Post by bballgirl on Feb 4, 2017 10:51:28 GMT -5
flowerdust - I remember back in 2012, we had a block party for July 4th and some neighbors that lived on the other block but we were friendly with, I called them and invited them. So everyone got a little drunk or a lot drunk. Anyway the neighbor, a friend of my H, was so wasted and in the house it was just my husband him and me. He said, "thank you for inviting me, your voice on the phone got me so hard". In front of my H. I was in shock and I changed the subject. The next day my H had sex with me, the one time that year. Like he was pissing on his territory.
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flowerdust
Junior Member
Posts: 61 
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by flowerdust on Feb 4, 2017 10:59:44 GMT -5
flowerdust - good for you to want to be sexy and the best that you can be. Regardless of whether your H realizes or not that's on him. I think you should make a Sexual Bucket List and tell him you want him to add 5 or 10 things to the list. He should be an active participant in the rebirth of your sex life. Frequency would definitely be on that list for me. Then you guys could check things off. In 6 months or a year or whatever your time frame is the checkmarks will speak for themselves. If he doesn't want to add to the list then provide him a copy of what you want and if he's not capable or able to sexually satisfy you then he doesn't have to be your husband or outsource. By having a list you hold him accountable and the words Bucket List make it fun and playful and if he doesn't see it that way then that says a lot. I will have to take a look at that. Great Idea !!!! I did not no there was such a thing. This forum has opened my eyes to so many things. I never thought when I signed up of this site on how useful and thought provoking it would be. It is making me sit and think in a different way then I was before "hence" ( not sitting on my ass feeling sorry for myself) but has opened my eyes to what my life could be. After last night and the conversation we had last weekend he should have come to see that I already have one foot out the door. If he has not clued in which I think he may have,but its still to early to tell. I Think I am going to start calling this (The SEX Experiment) When I have my bucket list or the sex experiment list Finished I will post it, then when each thing happens I am will post it. Just not for my benefit but also to whom ever on this site can, as well things that work or don't work or even to figure out how to polish it up a little. As I read back on what I have written My H seems to be looking at this as a game, Guess he just got Trumped ( Huuummmm wonder if he knows) Still only giving it to Sept 2017 |
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flowerdust
Junior Member
Posts: 61
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by flowerdust on Feb 4, 2017 11:02:03 GMT -5
flowerdust - I remember back in 2012, we had a block party for July 4th and some neighbors that lived on the other block but we were friendly with, I called them and invited them. So everyone got a little drunk or a lot drunk. Anyway the neighbor, a friend of my H, was so wasted and in the house it was just my husband him and me. He said, "thank you for inviting me, your voice on the phone got me so hard". In front of my H. I was in shock and I changed the subject. The next day my H had sex with me, the one time that year. Like he was pissing on his territory. OMG That is Funny |
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Post by bballgirl on Feb 4, 2017 11:18:49 GMT -5
flowerdust - good for you to want to be sexy and the best that you can be. Regardless of whether your H realizes or not that's on him. I think you should make a Sexual Bucket List and tell him you want him to add 5 or 10 things to the list. He should be an active participant in the rebirth of your sex life. Frequency would definitely be on that list for me. Then you guys could check things off. In 6 months or a year or whatever your time frame is the checkmarks will speak for themselves. If he doesn't want to add to the list then provide him a copy of what you want and if he's not capable or able to sexually satisfy you then he doesn't have to be your husband or outsource. By having a list you hold him accountable and the words Bucket List make it fun and playful and if he doesn't see it that way then that says a lot. I will have to take a look at that. Great Idea !!!! I did not no there was such a thing. This forum has opened my eyes to so many things. I never thought when I signed up of this site on how useful and thought provoking it would be. It is making me sit and think in a different way then I was before "hence" ( not sitting on my ass feeling sorry for myself) but has opened my eyes to what my life could be. After last night and the conversation we had last weekend he should have come to see that I already have one foot out the door. If he has not clued in which I think he may have,but its still to early to tell. I Think I am going to start calling this (The SEX Experiment) When I have my bucket list or the sex experiment list Finished I will post it, then when each thing happens I am will post it. Just not for my benefit but also to whom ever on this site can, as well things that work or don't work or even to figure out how to polish it up a little. As I read back on what I have written My H seems to be looking at this as a game, Guess he just got Trumped ( Huuummmm wonder if he knows) Still only giving it to Sept 2017 September is more than fair! |
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Post by greatcoastal on Feb 4, 2017 11:32:39 GMT -5
flowerdust - I remember back in 2012, we had a block party for July 4th and some neighbors that lived on the other block but we were friendly with, I called them and invited them. So everyone got a little drunk or a lot drunk. Anyway the neighbor, a friend of my H, was so wasted and in the house it was just my husband him and me. He said, "thank you for inviting me, your voice on the phone got me so hard". In front of my H. I was in shock and I changed the subject. The next day my H had sex with me, the one time that year. Like he was pissing on his territory. I had a similar experience but on a different level. My STBX has no interest in fashion, exercize, make up, hairstyles,etc...my two teenaga daughters bring it up all the time. One of the divorced ladies at church, with both of her kids full grown and out of the house, offered to take my daughter back to school clothes shopping, after my daughter confined in her that her mom has no interest in it. I was all for it, I thought it was a great idea, and was thankful for it. My stbx, had to meet this woman, find out all about her,and insist that she go along with them. My daughter remembers, and saw her controlling behavior.My STBX acted like she was pissing on her territory. Her first taste of what I have endured for 10 yrs of my intruder FIL living with us. Wait till after the divorce,when the teens are living with me half the time, and doing things with my friends!! |
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Post by baza on Feb 4, 2017 19:13:30 GMT -5
Sister flowerdust. It reads like you have been conducting a real time experiment over quite an extended period to figure out "why" your spouse is as he is. This "why" chasing is pretty difficult to avoid, and everyone does it to some extent or other. Some of us (and I put my hand up for this) turn "why" chasing into a perverse raison d'être where the "why" chasing becomes an end in and of itself. And, whilst one is "why" chasing, the big fact - that the marriage is a big fuck up - gets shelved. One method of keeping the "why" chasing to manageable proportions is to stick a time limit on how long you are going to indulge yourself in running this real time experiment. And, you have. September 2017. That gives you 8 months of experimenting to go. Concurrently to this, it would be smart to see a lawyer in your jurisdiction to establish how a divorce would shake out for you, put together an exit strategy and start knocking it in to do-able shape, shoring up your support network and researching info about helping kids (if any) transition through such an event. You need a back up plan for the scenario where his avoidant history continues. |
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flowerdust
Junior Member
Posts: 61
Age Range: 46-50
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UP DATE
Feb 4, 2017 20:48:46 GMT -5
Dan likes this
Post by flowerdust on Feb 4, 2017 20:48:46 GMT -5
Sister flowerdust . It reads like you have been conducting a real time experiment over quite an extended period to figure out "why" your spouse is as he is. This "why" chasing is pretty difficult to avoid, and everyone does it to some extent or other. Some of us (and I put my hand up for this) turn "why" chasing into a perverse raison d'être where the "why" chasing becomes an end in and of itself. And, whilst one is "why" chasing, the big fact - that the marriage is a big fuck up - gets shelved. One method of keeping the "why" chasing to manageable proportions is to stick a time limit on how long you are going to indulge yourself in running this real time experiment. And, you have. September 2017. That gives you 8 months of experimenting to go. Concurrently to this, it would be smart to see a lawyer in your jurisdiction to establish how a divorce would shake out for you, put together an exit strategy and start knocking it in to do-able shape, shoring up your support network and researching info about helping kids (if any) transition through such an event. You need a back up plan for the scenario where his avoidant history continues. You are absolutely correct. I have started to get my ducks together and have given myself the 8 months to attend to them. But as long as I am still here, I refuse to step out on him no matter what, So in my head is, I should have a little fun. I know that things will not change, this is not so much "Why chasing" but more a last ditch effort to turn things around. I can hope for change Yes still part of me is still in denial. I do not want any regrets when I walk out that door. |
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UP DATE
Feb 4, 2017 22:41:21 GMT -5
Dan likes this
Post by McRoomMate on Feb 4, 2017 22:41:21 GMT -5
Well like I said I wanted to see what happens just for shits and giggles. Well the reset sex has started ( He even finished me off !!!!) but I was expecting that . Now he is posting all this mushy stuff on Facebook with pictures of the both of us, Think in his mind it is a Wow look at me ! I did my wife !!! She will stop nagging me for the next 6months. He is going to have to do much more then that to create a buy in at this point. With respect to divorce or out sourcing the way I put it to him was the long at the short of it was (If you do not get your shit together this is what is going to happen) I have used this at this point because I am tired like I said before almost 10 years of begging and only 3 maybe 4 times a year thats like every quarter what am I a tax calculation. He has no idea where my head is at, I have been cruising single and AM sites . When we go out like last night I dress to the nines for three reason trying to explain this so I don't sound Iam all that and more because I am so not. So reason 1) So I can feel just a little better about myself To feel like a woman 2) So I can see also my H can see that I other men do look at me. 3) Hoping that he will sit back and say to himself maybe I should get my shit together, after his friends last night were saying infront of him how good I looked and one even saying I looked sexy, Don't really know if he even clued in that I got hit on by one of his friends as he was sitting there. We will see what happens over the next few days and go from there. My Wife and I agreed to a divorce after 15 minutes and then 6 hours later and that she still loved me and we have to try and "want" we made mad passionate love for the first time in a year and she had a huge moaning orgasm. I asked her how she could go several months without sex and she said it was because a Woman´s libido (sex drive) shrinks if not actively having sex. As a woman would you agree to that? I have never heard of that. |
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Post by shamwow on Feb 4, 2017 23:55:35 GMT -5
Well like I said I wanted to see what happens just for shits and giggles. Well the reset sex has started ( He even finished me off !!!!) but I was expecting that . Now he is posting all this mushy stuff on Facebook with pictures of the both of us, Think in his mind it is a Wow look at me ! I did my wife !!! She will stop nagging me for the next 6months. He is going to have to do much more then that to create a buy in at this point. With respect to divorce or out sourcing the way I put it to him was the long at the short of it was (If you do not get your shit together this is what is going to happen) I have used this at this point because I am tired like I said before almost 10 years of begging and only 3 maybe 4 times a year thats like every quarter what am I a tax calculation. He has no idea where my head is at, I have been cruising single and AM sites . When we go out like last night I dress to the nines for three reason trying to explain this so I don't sound Iam all that and more because I am so not. So reason 1) So I can feel just a little better about myself To feel like a woman 2) So I can see also my H can see that I other men do look at me. 3) Hoping that he will sit back and say to himself maybe I should get my shit together, after his friends last night were saying infront of him how good I looked and one even saying I looked sexy, Don't really know if he even clued in that I got hit on by one of his friends as he was sitting there. We will see what happens over the next few days and go from there. My Wife and I agreed to a divorce after 15 minutes and then 6 hours later and that she still loved me and we have to try and "want" we made mad passionate love for the first time in a year and she had a huge moaning orgasm. I asked her how she could go several months without sex and she said it was because a Woman´s libido (sex drive) shrinks if not actively having sex. As a woman would you agree to that? I have never heard of that. Pointed gun, meet temporary change in behavior. |
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flowerdust
Junior Member
Posts: 61
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by flowerdust on Feb 5, 2017 8:19:21 GMT -5
Well like I said I wanted to see what happens just for shits and giggles. Well the reset sex has started ( He even finished me off !!!!) but I was expecting that . Now he is posting all this mushy stuff on Facebook with pictures of the both of us, Think in his mind it is a Wow look at me ! I did my wife !!! She will stop nagging me for the next 6months. He is going to have to do much more then that to create a buy in at this point. With respect to divorce or out sourcing the way I put it to him was the long at the short of it was (If you do not get your shit together this is what is going to happen) I have used this at this point because I am tired like I said before almost 10 years of begging and only 3 maybe 4 times a year thats like every quarter what am I a tax calculation. He has no idea where my head is at, I have been cruising single and AM sites . When we go out like last night I dress to the nines for three reason trying to explain this so I don't sound Iam all that and more because I am so not. So reason 1) So I can feel just a little better about myself To feel like a woman 2) So I can see also my H can see that I other men do look at me. 3) Hoping that he will sit back and say to himself maybe I should get my shit together, after his friends last night were saying infront of him how good I looked and one even saying I looked sexy, Don't really know if he even clued in that I got hit on by one of his friends as he was sitting there. We will see what happens over the next few days and go from there. My Wife and I agreed to a divorce after 15 minutes and then 6 hours later and that she still loved me and we have to try and "want" we made mad passionate love for the first time in a year and she had a huge moaning orgasm. I asked her how she could go several months without sex and she said it was because a Woman´s libido (sex drive) shrinks if not actively having sex. As a woman would you agree to that? I have never heard of that. I guess it could happen, Not with me though.. It would be something to look up on the Mayo clinic site. |
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flowerdust
Junior Member
Posts: 61
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by flowerdust on Feb 5, 2017 8:22:00 GMT -5
flowerdust My Wife and I agreed to a divorce after 15 minutes and then 6 hours later and that she still loved me and we have to try and "want" we made mad passionate love for the first time in a year and she had a huge moaning orgasm. I asked her how she could go several months without sex and she said it was because a Woman´s libido (sex drive) shrinks if not actively having sex. As a woman would you agree to that? I have never heard of that. Pointed gun, meet temporary change in behavior. Absolutely !!!!!!. Three times in the last 2 days. |
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Post by shamwow on Feb 5, 2017 8:33:41 GMT -5
Pointed gun, meet temporary change in behavior. Absolutely !!!!!!. Three times in the last 2 days. Braggart ! I think to count 3 ttimes I might have to go back 5 years. Where was that gun again? (completely joking... Gallows humor) |
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