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Post by obobfla on Feb 25, 2018 1:19:19 GMT -5
Well vwmk5j, after reading your story two or three times, I can think of one thing that helped me that I think would help you greatly - seeing a counselor. I don’t mean a marriage counselor. I mean a personal counselor to help you through the stress of dealing with your life as it is. You are doing everything in the house to please your wife. Not only doesn’t she appreciate it, but she seems to be less interested in you. Right now, you are beating yourself up over it and dropping down into a hole of self-pity. Not only does self-pity make you less desirable to her, it is a very dangerous place to be. Combine self-pity with alcohol or drugs, and you may never leave that hole. Instead of trying to please your wife, make yourself happy. Ever want to learn something new or take up a new hobby? Do it! Take a day trip by yourself. Rent a boat or go horseback riding. Just don’t do it with her. Make yourself so happy that she will think you are having an affair. I suggested counseling not because I think there is something wrong with you, except the fact that you think something is wrong with you. Instead of you determining your self worth, you rely on your wife to set it. Counseling will help you see that you are far better than what your wife sees. I don’t know if it will be enough to save your marriage, but taking control of your own self-worth will at least earn her respect.
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Post by obobfla on Feb 24, 2018 17:52:35 GMT -5
Your wife makes you keep your perfectly good dog outside!?
Sorry, but time to get a new wife!
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Post by obobfla on Feb 24, 2018 14:42:11 GMT -5
What if all the newly single gathered together for a more adult version of a debutante ball? Have it in Vegas or a similar venue. Everybody dress up in their best, have fun, and hopefully get good and laid!
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Post by obobfla on Feb 24, 2018 14:18:46 GMT -5
Never read Wuthering Heights or saw any movie versions. But I not only shop at Publix, I used to work there and met my wife there. She worked in the deli making those famous Pub Subs.
So, which is better - to love or to be loved? Hard to say, because there are so many different ways to love. I read Erich Fromm’s The Art of Loving, which probably as good of a philosophical treastise of the subject since Paul’s First Letter to the Corinthians. Fromm stated that love is an art much like music and painting. It requires skill, an open mind, and lots of practice. And like musicians, writers, painters, and actors, lovers develop their own style.
Which brings me to the people who taught me to love, my parents. They were married 58 years. Neither was publicly affectionate, but that was no indication on their sex life. They had eight children, so their marrriage definitely was not sexless. I only saw them argue once. When it came to us kids, they always presented a united front, never disagreeing or under-cutting each other. My dad could be a bit eccentric and tease us mercilessly. My mom had her share of health problems, including 12 years of kidney dialysis and a transplant. At times, my dad was her nurse. It was only after my dad succumbed to a weak heart did my mother pass three months later. I miss them terribly but envy how they died, together with family around.
They would have made a great Publix commercial.
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Post by obobfla on Feb 23, 2018 22:41:37 GMT -5
If you were female, I would suggest doing like a friend of mine did years ago. She dressed up in a sexy black cocktail dress and bought a keg of beer at the bar we frequented.
Maybe rent a tux or put on your best black suit and get a limo. Fill it up with friends and go out on the town! I’d do it, and I don’t even drink!
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Post by obobfla on Feb 23, 2018 22:34:07 GMT -5
Texted this song to a lady friend - wish granted!
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Post by obobfla on Feb 21, 2018 0:13:46 GMT -5
LinkedIn is one of few social media forums where everyone posts their actual picture. So, some of the more attractive women there find themselves getting hit on. I’ve seen more than one post asking men not to use it to ask for dates. Is that why you use a Donald Duck avatar? Because if you used your real picture, too many women would be hitting on you? 😉 I wish that were the case. Instead, Donald is my wingman. I use Donald for two reasons. One, I live near Orlando and the Mouse House. The other is that when my son was very young, I would do Donald Duck imitations when I kissed him good night. We still do the “Applecore” routine with Donald, Chip, and Dale.
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Post by obobfla on Feb 20, 2018 22:42:39 GMT -5
LinkedIn is one of few social media forums where everyone posts their actual picture. So, some of the more attractive women there find themselves getting hit on. I’ve seen more than one post asking men not to use it to ask for dates.
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Post by obobfla on Feb 20, 2018 22:33:15 GMT -5
Like your husband, I have had quite a few platonic female friendships, which I really value. Most of my best friends have been women. I believe I have a few such friends on this forum. Granted, I would have loved to have sex with them. They were gorgeous women. But I was not really their type, and they weren’t mine as far as what we were looking for in a romantic relationship. Had we crossed that line, it would have been a train wreck. For me, it was better to have a good friendship than have it all go up in flames for sex. Once we decided the relationship was not sexual, it relaxed us both and made it easier to talk. My girl friends and I had some of the most honest and intimate conversations with them, better than any I’ve had with male friends or even lovers. I am a better man because of them. When I was single, my friends were my wingmen, When I got married, my wife was never jealous of them. In fact, a few became her friends too. Sure, there was sexual tension. But the payoff was worth the price. So mypaintbrushes, where do you and your friend stand? You both are in sexually frustrated marriages. Whatever sexual tension you have is going to really escalate, making it harder to maintain your friendship. Hey, a lot of us have good platonic friends of the opposite sex. The problem is that we married them. The arguing sounds like a friendship I had with a woman I had a real bad crush on - we liked each other for 24 hours or so but found a way to argue after that. We both wished that the other person could be what we wanted and couldn’t stand it when it wasn’t possible. She was also very religious, so relieving the sexual tension was out of the question. My best strategy with friends of the opposite sex is to be as open as possible. If you want to have sex, say so. But if you value the friendship, say that as well. I have confronted the sexual tension bomb with a lot of my female friends. Once we decided we would or wounldn’t fuck, we moved on. We could relax and be friends again. Occasionally, former sexual partners became good friends and wingmen too.
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Post by obobfla on Feb 18, 2018 14:56:37 GMT -5
Yes. I met my first on a forum much like this one.
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Post by obobfla on Feb 17, 2018 11:20:34 GMT -5
carl, I really should have your problem. When I do exercise, I tend to go at it too hard at first then burn myself out. I need to start again, going slowly and building myself up. I need to get in shape to have sex again.
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Post by obobfla on Feb 15, 2018 21:42:53 GMT -5
To those who want to contribute, there is a thread: iliasm.org/thread/349/update-keeping-iliasm-ad-free. As to Valentine Day cards, I still got my wife a nice card, although not as mushy as she would like. Since she really liked cats, I could never go wrong as long as I found a card with a cat on it.
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Post by obobfla on Feb 15, 2018 12:13:12 GMT -5
What I don’t get is the slow pace of all the proceedings. How is a mentally disturbed man with no attorney able to grind this process to a halt? I imagine the pace would be much faster if there were evidence of physical abuse involved, but what about emotional abuse? I believe a case can be made for that, and that the proceedings can be sped up.
Here is my greatest fear: Your daughter has been raised most of her life where the man in the family is a controlling, maniacal piece of shit. She is now 17 and close to marrying age. Even if she rebels against her dad, what type of man is she going to seek out as a mate? Unless her value system is adjusted, that man will be someone just like dear old dad.
Here is hoping that she falls for an easygoing, beer-drinking slob instead of Daddy Dearest.
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Post by obobfla on Feb 14, 2018 22:02:49 GMT -5
What is the aim of this letter ? What are you expecting as an outcome ? If it is simply a vent, then fair enough. If I was the recipient of this letter, I dunno what I'd make of it - but the bit where it says - "I'll never leave you" is the bit that I'd hang my hat on. If I had been starting to get a bit worried as the letter unfolded, that bit would re-assure me. I think the aim of this letter is saying, "It has been two years without sex. That has genuinely hurt me. And I apologize if it hurts you that I need to start fucking someone else, that is not the intent. The intent is to do what you won't. I have needs. The only thing I don’t get is the apology. Why say “I’m sorry”? You are the one who is hurt. Go fuck someone else and don’t apologize for it.
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Post by obobfla on Feb 14, 2018 20:54:08 GMT -5
Healthy, active and full time employed 75 year old male living with "a roommate who cooks" instead of a wife--tons of hobbies and a great dog to keep my sanity but jeez I miss feeling wanted by something other than a rescued pit bull! At what age does one just give it up and say "thats the way it is at your age"? Not sure where you live, but here in Florida we have lots of people around your age. In that age category, the women outnumber the men by a wide margin. You might want to remind your wife of that fact.
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