Thank you northstarmom and GeekGoddess . I am feeling more optimistic than I’ve done in years, and not a man or a relationship on the horizon, and I really don’t care. In fact, I am actually enjoying being single, and being on my own.
Actually, this may be the time of your life to go take care of that bucket list. Travel where you want, try whatever you want to do. Maybe take up painting or some sort of craft. Hell, why not? The problem is that you will get so involved and out there that you will probably meet someone and get involved in a relationship!
Sorry, male perspective here, but I don’t think it matters whether we are male or female. Unless have a really bad case of halitosis or horrible timing (my wife tried to kiss me on the lips while I was chewing food), she is definitely not interested. Even worse, she won’t give you a reason. I agree with bballgirl that she needs to be called out.
I have been an avid Prudence reader even before Mallory Ortberg took over the column. Before her, it was Emily Yost, a write I still am crushing on. Yost wrote some great first person articles on exhibition subjects such as being a nude model and going to a nudist camp. I hardly ever disagree with the advice either Yost or Ortberg gave. Both have done a great job of listening to their readers and amending advice base on readers’ suggestions.
Funny, but this was the first I’ve heard from a same-sex couple. Whenever somebody objected to same-sex marriage, I always said “Why should heterosexuals have all the misery?” This is a prime example of the misery.
Sorry for your loss tooyoungtobeold. I lost both my parents five years ago.
My wife was as supportive as she could be, which wasn’t much. She let me be with my brothers and sisters and took care of my son. She liked my parents, as she had lost her dad several years before. While she tries to be empathetic, she lacks the comprehension to deal with what I go through.
I know this was covered in another thread, but there were two times I needed to go to the emergency room. I had to argue with her to take me the first time, and the second I had to call the ambulance myself. Compare this to the past year, when I had to drag her kicking and screaming to the hospital four times to save her life. I imagine I have saved her life about five times this past year, visiting her almost every day in the hospital for the past six months.
There is some disconnect with our spouses that makes them not only cut us out sexually but in almost every other way as well.
Caris, your grief is understandable. You spent much of your life with that man. Right now, I am wondering if I will go through what you are experiencing. My wife is not making much progress getting off the ventilation machine. If she doesn’t make much progress soon, she will most likely never get off it.
Part of her problem is fluid in her lung cavity that doesn’t allow her lungs to fully expand. The nurses keep draining the fluid, but more comes into the cavity. The other part is her anxiety. She feels she can’t breathe, even though she is getting plenty of oxygen. Along with the drainage, the other part of her cure is physical therapy to work her lungs back into shape. However, her anxiety stops her from doing the work she needs to do. It’s frustrating for her family, the medical staff, and me to get her to do what she needs to do. She is on anti-anxiety medication, but I am asking for a second opinion to try some other drugs or therapies.
If she passes, I will feel both sadness and relief. I will miss her, but I will be free of her worrying and dependency. She has become my child who will never grow up. Still, I will always hear her sweet singing voice, just like I hear my son’s precious baby laughter. She and I have a wonderful son, and we share the joy of raising him.
If she recovered, I will be happy but stuck with her and her illnesses, both physical and mental. Divorce is an option, but I would have to work out a way to take care of her. My health plan does not cover ex-spouses. But no matter what, she will be around for a while longer. There won’t be that empty space.
I would love have one nice monagamous relationship with a woman. Like Caris, I would like to take relationships one at a time because it is easier to handle. I would also like to go without using condoms or risking STDs.
But that would be a luxury right now. I still have one sick wife. Having my wife incapacitated, I can see the wisdom nomads and frontiersmen who had more than one wife. I am going crazy trying to be a single parent, work, and keep up a clean house, let alone dealing with all the stress of my wife’s illness. I honestly believe that spouse who are caregivers should be free to have side pieces without any shame or guilt.
@pheonix, I think you have made the first step by noticing a pattern in your relationships. I tend to go after women who are definitely not normal. The crazy troubled ones are the ones I chase. It’s no wonder that my wife has a major mental illness. If you think she is bad, you should see the woman I dated before her.
Why? I guess I relate to them, considering I am far from normal and frequently depressed. Plus, I relish the white knight role - at least until the dragon starts breathing fire on my armor. If I ever have a next relationship, I will look for a woman who is fun and not just sexually fun. Heck, a woman would need a good sense of humor to put up with me!
This speaks to me when we first got together i guess i was a "bad" girl things were fun and exciting and i was down gor anything, anywhere.... once we got very serious it died down about, and then wegot married and it died down wven more and after i had my child its basically just stopped.... i do inderstamd nobosy wants to fuck their "mom"(which is what i feel like these days) but i feel as tho im still very young and a lot of fun. Its like everyone sees it except him! I am constantly being hit on and i feel great about myself until i am alone with him.
There are a lot of men that don't have problems doing very dirty things to a "mom". There is a reason why the term MILF exists.
I like moms. They are much more patient and accepting than childless women. But when necessary, they are badass bitches!
The toughest person I ever knew was my mom. She had eight children. The second-toughest is my mother-in-law. She has six. Yeah, motherhood may widen your hips and rob you of sleep. But it toughens and teaches you like nothing else!
It could be that the porn is the main issue here. Do some research on that. I truly believe that porn can destroy marriages and ruin men for real sex. It bypasses the work of true intimacy and makes men think that women should look or act in ways that most women just don't. It's totally unrealistic. If you can convince your husband that porn is a destructive addiction, you may have a shot. Especially given that you're only 2 months w/o sex. Many of us have gone months or years. Good luck to you!
Porn does cause problems, but men more attracted to porn is more of an issue of men who don’t equate sex with intimacy. Some men have it in their head that good girls shouldn’t like sex but bad girls do. We also believe that sex should only be with the hot girls we see in porn and not the new mom who has put on a few pounds. It doesn’t excuse their behavior, though. These men just have a warped idea of what sex should be.
It’s kind of like my problem with alcohol. Beer and whiskey did not cause me to be an alcoholic. Rather, it was chemistry coupled with my attitude. Today, I can walk into a bar, order a Diet Coke, and not have any urges to drink. I don’t need alcohol, and I don’t need a shapely woman to enjoy sex. A self-confident woman who can care about me and challenge my mind can turn me on just as well.
Tattoos..................... 0 💎Piercings.................. 0 👰Marriages................. 1 ✌Divorces................... 0 🚼Children....................1 😷Surgeries..................1 🔫Shot a gun............ yes ✌Quit a job..................yes ✈Flown on a plane......yes 🚙💨100+miles in a car.. yes, and in a boat too! 😨Gone zip lining.............Not yet 😍Fell in love.................yes 🏃 Skipped school........yes 👀👶Watched someone give birth? Yes 😯Watched someone die........yes 🚑Ridden in an ambulance... yes 🎤Sang karaoke........ no 🐶Had a pet(s)............Yes 🏂Been sledding on a big hill... sort of. I was 4 at the time. Seemed big to me. 🎿Been downhill skiing..... no 🚲💨Rode a motorbike....... yes 🐴Rode a horse...........yes 🏥Stayed in a hospital........ yes 💉Donated blood.... yes 🚓Rode in the back of a police car...yes
I don’t post my pic for privacy sake. While my wife may not see my pic, her relatives and mine might, along with co-workers and others who know me. Not all parts of this site are private. If someone really wants to know what I look like, that person can message me.
I use Donald Duck for sentimental reasons. When I put my son to bed at night, I would do a Donald Duck impression while kissing him good night. Donald Duck has become a connection between us. We used to do the “Applecore” routine. Plus, I live near Walt Disney World and see Donald in person every once in a while.