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Post by obobfla on May 11, 2016 19:24:47 GMT -5
Thank you for the replies, the validation, the suggestions. You have no idea (or maybe you do) how enormously helpful it was for me to even post here. It was like validating myself for all the crap he has put me through over the years. Al-Anon, been to a few meetings. Probably need to go back for more. Individual therapy, done it (still doing it). It has helped me get through the last 8 years. Maybe I need a new therapist or maybe it's just time to finally get out from under this black cloud of a marriage. Lawyer - check. I know my rights. Financial planner, hmm, that's a good one. I'll have to look into it. Problem is doing all this on the downlow so HE doesn't get suspicious. I have been working on an exit plan for the last 2 years. I have 2 more to go. It's a long process and it's complicated by children and the fact that I have been home trying to be June Cleaver for several years now. Poor June - she didn't realize she was painting herself into a corner. Trying to get out of that corner is an arduous task, to put it mildly. Just this morning, after posting, I made a doctor appointment for a checkup and I'm talking to the local gym about joining their fitness challenge. Time to get this train moving again. Life's too short to let the dead weight of my marriage pull me down into oblivion. Thanks everyone for taking the time to post. Honestly, it looks like this forum is going to pull me up by my bootstraps and get me through the next 2 years. I just need hope (for my OWN life) and sometimes I lose sight. Especially when HE says he's going to change. I swear, if I hear that one more time, I'm either going to laugh in his face or vomit. He's never going to change. And I am sick of waiting around. I was going to suggest Al-Anon or CODA (for co-dependents). I've been in AA for 21 years. It saved my life, literally. The biggest lesson I learned is that I was beating myself up over nothing. My self-worth stank because I thought I was supposed to run the world. Since the world was running well, I thought I was doing a bad job. Plus, God and the people around me were preventing me from being the true Emperor of the World. I had to realize that I just had to run me, screw everything else. As an alcoholic, I can say the best thing you can do for your husband is leave him. The sooner, the better. Let him wallow in his own misery. He might even thank you later.
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Post by obobfla on May 10, 2016 22:08:21 GMT -5
i could have told you that! I wish you would have!! lol! I will help outfit you in a toga
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Post by obobfla on May 10, 2016 22:07:59 GMT -5
i could have told you that! I wish you would have!! lol! I will help outfit you in a toga
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Post by obobfla on May 10, 2016 20:28:48 GMT -5
So, JMX , how was he? We notice you've been too busy to jump back on here since your post... ;-) Alas, I was a lady. Boo. No problem! So, do you have any three bedrooms with a pool to show me?
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Post by obobfla on May 10, 2016 18:43:30 GMT -5
Right now, I am in the mood for any some, as long as the any is female and not my wife
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Post by obobfla on May 10, 2016 18:09:44 GMT -5
JMX, you need to show me a house!
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Post by obobfla on May 9, 2016 18:03:43 GMT -5
I agree that he should get counseling on his own. After all, why does he tolerate her behavior? She's not merely refusing him - she's rubbing his face in it!
I went to counseling to get over the guilt I felt for getting mad at my wife. My counselor said that I had every right to be mad and no reason to feel guilty over it.
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Post by obobfla on May 8, 2016 20:16:38 GMT -5
So sorry for your loss. My FWBs have been true friends and saved me. If nothing else, I have wonderful memories of the time we spent together. Thankfully, we are still friends and occasionally chat. We have moved on as far as lovers go. Hope you cherish the memories of your time together and give others the help she gave you.
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Post by obobfla on May 8, 2016 19:37:34 GMT -5
I have outsourced and not regretted it. As for the guilt, I lost it awhile back. My wife chose not to have sex with me. It may not be another man, but it is "not me." Therefore, I found a lover on a site much like this one, and we met for three weekends. Because of distance and children issues, it did not work out. But we are still friends. I don't regret any of it. No, it may not last forever, but like Bogey says in Casablanca, "We will always have Paris." My lover and I will always have St. Augustine, the carriage ride through town and sex in the bubble bath. Nothing can take that away from me.
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Post by obobfla on May 8, 2016 0:55:41 GMT -5
Tamara, I have been reading your story and relating to much of it. I put with a lot with my wife because of her mental illness, and I stay in my marriage because of my son and lack of money. But right now, I see how her illness affects him. He is 13, yet she treats him as if he were 6.
But the main reason I stay is that she would not make it on her own. I cannot afford to pay for two apartments. Outside of my job, the only income is her disability payments, which are not a lot. Although our marriage sucks, I care enough for her not to abandon her. Breaking from her is going to require undoing a knot with lots of counseling for both of us.
Bravo on your outsourcing! I found that I needed to and never felt guilty about it. Having affairs restored my manhood, and I have been lucky enough to find women who were friends as well as lovers.
I found myself getting into a vicious cycle of resentment and guilt with my wife, Resentful when she either acts out or forgets to consider my or my son's feelings. Guilty that I get angry with her. She is sick, and that is not her fault. But if you have a cold, that is not your fault. However, it is your responsibility to wipe your nose and not sneeze and cough on other people. Therefore, I have learned not to tolerate her thoughtlessness.
What troubles me is how your daughter clings to him. Most adolescent girls I know feel their parents are OCD, whether they are or not, It is not healthy for her to see her father abuse her mother. She is going to assume that is normal and find someone like him in a partner. I often worry that my son with think that what he and his mother have is a "normal" marriage. I wish I could have a healthy relationship to show him how it's done.
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Post by obobfla on Apr 22, 2016 18:34:03 GMT -5
I want to stay out more, but I go home to see my son. Lately, we have been drawing closer as we get more frustrated with my wife. Her schizo-affective disorder seems to getting worse, and she forgets what other people want or feel. This morning, she woke me up at 3 just to tell me something. She constantly barges into my son's room. I have to admit there are times I look forward to Monday mornings?
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Post by obobfla on Apr 18, 2016 20:46:31 GMT -5
I will give a nice sunset pic from Bradenton Beach
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Post by obobfla on Mar 31, 2016 20:07:06 GMT -5
So far, I have been disappointed in Relatetothat. I am here to meet people and discuss my problems. I don't care to know who has posted the most or what topics are the most popular. When I signed onto EP, I could see if my friends were online and privately message them. Relatetothat makes me pay for that.
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Post by obobfla on Mar 28, 2016 23:11:40 GMT -5
Hi, it's Obobfla here. Glad to have made it. I have lived through three sexless marriage sites. Hope this one sticks around.
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